


I See The Moon

by somanyfeels



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Caretaking, Coma, Head Injury, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Misunderstandings, Non-Consensual Touching, Oblivious Tony, Physical Therapy, Protective Avengers, Relationship Problems, Seizures, Slight Age of Ultron Spoilers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Feels, medical misconduct, spinal cord injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-03-28 22:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 66,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3872626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somanyfeels/pseuds/somanyfeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve knows it's his fault.  No one seems to blame him but he knows full well that it was his leadership that put Tony in the hospital, seriously injured and in a coma.  Steve stays by his side constantly because he has to wake up, Steve will never forgive himself if he doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested this on my tumblr so I hope you enjoy it.

“It wasn’t your fault, Steve.”  Bucky said slowly.

 

Steve stood frozen just outside of the hospital room.  From the window he could see Stark, bruised and beaten down worse than he had ever seen him.  Bruce, Clint, and Natasha were in the room with him, hovering a bit too close to the bed and intimidating the doctors and nurses that constantly came in and out of the room.

 

Stark looked far smaller than he had ever been in all the years they had been a team.  Of course, he had always been a small man, taller than Natasha but just a touch shorter than Clint and Bruce.  This was different though.  This was the loud and confidant man lying deathly still in a hospital bed and seemed like such a fragile and delicate thing that had been broken and beaten and damn close to death because Steve made the wrong call.

 

“You know that’s not true.”  He said slowly.

 

Bucky wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled Steve close, turning him so that he was no longer looking into Stark’s hospital room.  “Shut up, Stevie.  You didn’t know it was going to do that.  It was a mistake.  No one blames you.”

 

Steve buried his head into Bucky’s shoulder.  He loved this man, trusted him with everything, but at this moment he was wrong.  It was his fault, he completely believed it was.  He had misjudged the situation, he hadn’t considered the possibilities, and didn’t think twice before ordering Iron Man into what should have been an obvious trap.

 

He was just thinking about the safety of what he thought were civilians in a building that Doom had set to blow.  He thought they had more time before the bomb went off, the timer told them they had more time.  The rest of the team was trying to stop the doombots from attacking the rest of the city, there was no chance they could save the one building that they had planted bombs on.

 

Iron Man’s scanners had said there were no heat signatures, the building was empty and it would be fine.  Stark said he would pay to have it rebuilt so it was an expendable structure.  But Steve had heard it, voices calling for help from the building, and ordered Stark in there to find whoever it was.  Steve didn’t know it was a trap, he didn’t know the doombots had recorded human voices to lure them inside.  He definitely didn’t know the timer on the bombs outside of the building was wrong.  It was a trap, he had fallen for it, the building collapsed, and now Stark was lying unconscious in the ICU.

 

“He’s going to pull through.”  Bucky whispered to him.  “That man can survive on pure stubbornness.  Now let’s go in there and you’re going to take charge like you have to.”

 

Steve nodded against his shoulder.  He loved Bucky so much, would forever be thankful for having him back.  He always knew what had to be done, what would be best for everyone’s wellbeing.  Steve may have been the team leader, but since Bucky had come to the tower a year before he had quickly become everyone’s caretaker, making sure they all felt physically and mentally well.

 

They walked into the room quickly, Steve held onto Bucky’s metal hand as if it were a life preserver.  No one looked up as they entered and no one even acknowledged Steve.  They were all too focused on Stark as he lay motionless in the bed in front of them.  He looked even worse up close.  The deep purple bruises dotted almost all visible skin and he could now make out all the little cuts and scrapes that covered Tony’s body.  A large tube was sticking out of his mouth, a machine breathing for him.

 

“What’s his status?”  Steve asked firmly, keeping his voice as steady as possible.

 

“Lucky to be alive.”  Clint muttered.

 

Bruce shook his head and gave Steve and Bucky a quick glance.  “He has a severe concussion, three broken ribs, he fractured his left radius, and has some slight damage to his spine.” 

 

Steve closed his eyes.  This was terrible and it was all his fault.  He didn’t want to look at anyone, didn’t want to see the judgement in their faces or the damage he had done to his friend and teammate, but he forced his eyes back open and looked at Stark closely.

 

“Damage to his spine?”  Steve asked quickly.  He wasn’t a medical professional but his mother was a nurse and they covered the basics in the army.  Spine injuries were serious.

 

“The doctors have been running tests since he’s arrived.  There is a small amount of trauma induced damage to his neck area.  More precisely, C7 and T1.”  Bruce said slowly.  “They won’t be able to give him neurological tests until he wakes up to see if there is complete or incomplete damage, but they have hopes he won’t be entirely paralyzed.”

 

Steve held in a sigh of relief.  He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he had made the call that paralyzed Iron Man.  But Bruce didn’t sound happy, he sounded distressed and concerned.  Natasha and Clint looked downright devastated.

 

“What is likely to happen?”  He asked.  He really didn’t want to know, but he was still the leader of this team.  Steve needed to know what happened to someone under his command out in the field.

 

Bruce took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Nerve damage to the C7 and T1 can lead to a loss of dexterity in the hands and fingers and give him limited use of his arms.  Like I said, we won’t know how severe it is until he wakes up and does neurological tests.”

 

“When do the doctors expect him to wake up?”  Steve said.  He was proud of the stern quality his voice had taken on, he needed to at least seem like he had control of the situation.

 

Clint shook his head and Natasha sighed.  That wasn’t a good sign.  Those two were usually so careful about hiding most serious emotions but Steve could see the fear and sadness barely visible on their faces.

 

“They don’t know.”  Natasha said.  “He’s suffered from a serious head injury.  He’s in a coma.”

 

Steve’s legs felt shaky.  He couldn’t keep himself standing for much longer.  Bucky wrapped an arm around him and held his weight.  No one was looking at him.  He did this, this was his fault.  He had endangered the team and now Stark was probably seriously, possibly even permanently injured.

  

Steve had never made such a horrible call before.  He had put Stark into this hospital, he had sent him straight into a building he knew was rigged to explode just to save civilians that didn’t even exist.  He should have trusted Stark when he said the thermal scans came back negative for lifeforms.

 

There was no turning back time, no fixing the past.  He leaned away from Bucky, letting him keep a firm hand on his back until he was sure he was steady.

 

“You guys go get washed up.”  Steve said.  He walked around all of them and deposited himself in one of the few chairs in the room.  It was one of the uncomfortable plastic ones that he was surprised held his weight.  “I’ll stay with Stark.”

 

“I’d rather stay.”  Clint said, crossing his arms.

 

Steve shook his head.  “No.  I did this, I’ll sit with him.”  He said.  “You guys did a good job out there.  You need to rest.”

 

“Fury will want to debrief.”  Natasha said.

 

“Then he’ll know where to find me.”  Steve said firmly.  “You all go shower and rest.  That’s an order.”

 

Clint’s frown deepened.  He looked like he was about to argue, but Natasha laid a gentle hand on his arm and shook her head.

 

“Aye aye Captain.”  He muttered before rushing through the door.  Natasha followed quickly behind him.

 

Bruce gave one last look at Tony.  “You’ll call me immediately if anything changes?”

 

Steve nodded.  He should have expected resistance.  The whole team cared about Tony.  This man was loud, obnoxious, annoying, generous, and kind.  If they ever needed anything Tony would get it for them without blinking an eye.  He offered them his home, his skills, his time, and everything else he had to offer.  No one liked to admit it but the whole team cared about him.  Steve wasn't that close to him. They didn't get along that much and although he was thankful for everything Stark had given him, they tended to spend most of their time away from each other. He still considered him a friend though, a valuable teammate. Everyone else on the team interacted with him a lot more, they were closer. If Steve had gotten him killed he didn’t know if they would respect any future orders he would give.  His leadership would be in question, probably rightfully so.

 

“It’s not your fault, Steve.”  Bucky said again.  Steve shook his head, too tired to continue this argument.  “They don’t blame you.  They’re just stressed and worried.”

 

Bucky walked up to him quickly, leaning down to gently kiss his lips.  It wasn’t passionate or overwhelming like all their other kisses, it was soft and reassuring.

 

“Would you like me to relay your orders to Thor?”  Bucky asked as he pulled away.

 

“Yeah.”  Steve said.  “Tell him to head back to the tower and get some rest if he’s done scanning the perimeter of the hospital.  I keep telling him it’s safe but he doesn’t listen.”

 

Bucky nodded.  “From what I’ve heard, his experience with Earth hospitals isn’t ideal.  He just wants Tony to be safe.”

 

“We all do.”  Steve said.  “Take care of the team, I’m going to stay with Stark.”

 

“Don’t forget to rest yourself.”  Bucky said slowly as he walked towards the door. 

 

Steve nodded once and then turned his attention back to Stark.  The man looked half dead.  It was a terrifying look for him.  If he died Steve didn’t doubt there wouldn’t be a team anymore.  The others wouldn’t trust his leadership anymore, Steve wouldn’t trust himself to lead. 

 

“Come on, Stark.”  Steve whispered.  “You gotta wake up.  We need you.”


	2. Chapter 2

“It’s been a week.”  Bruce muttered slowly.  “Perhaps we should start preparing for the possibility that he won-“

 

“Don’t finish that sentence.”  Bucky said, cutting Bruce off.

 

Steve was thankful.  He really didn’t want to hear the team talk about worst case scenarios, not when their discussion was about the man in front of them.  Tony was still asleep, in a deep coma and still showed no signs of waking up anytime soon.  Steve had stayed.  For the whole week Steve had maintained his post by Tony’s bed and waited.  Every morning he had a wave of hope that today was the day, Tony would come back to them, and everything would go back to the way it should be.

 

The mechanical whir of the machinery was calming.  The soft sounds of the ventilator ensured him that Tony was breathing, the beeping of the heart monitor told him that it was still beating inside of Tony’s battered chest.  He was alive, Steve wanted to make sure he stayed that way.

 

“Steve, let’s go get lunch.”  Bucky said as he stood up from his spot on the couch next to him.

 

Steve looked away from the hospital bed and glanced over to Bucky.  “If we wait an hour we can ask one of the nurses to bring us something.”

 

“No.  We can head down to the cafeteria and get something.”  Bucky said, forcing a small smile.  Steve frowned.  Bucky didn’t look good, he looked tired and concerned and half ready to fall apart.  It reminded him so much of how Bucky used to look, after SHIELD and HYDRA fell and he had found Bucky soaked to the bone and hiding in the alley behind the tower.  He was scared, nervous, and Steve had vowed to never allow that look to be on his face again.

 

“Just for a little while?”  Steve asked slowly.  Bucky’s face visibly brightened, his body relaxed slightly, and nodded.  “Okay then.”

 

He stood up slowly, his eyes darting between Tony’s still form in his bed and Bucky waiting in front of him.  It’ll be half an hour at most, he could have lunch with Bucky and get back to Tony in no time at all.  Nothing could possibly happen in that half an hour.  Nothing serious.

 

Bucky grabbed his hand as soon as they were out of the room and started leading the way down the hall.  Steve silently followed, allowing himself to be lead down numerous hallways and into an elevator.  Bucky had scoped out the hospital the moment Tony was admitted.  By now he probably knew all the exits and which escape routes would be best if during different attack scenarios.  It seemed that he did the same thing with every place he would be staying an extended period of time in.  He had actually initiated monthly drills at the tower so everyone would be prepared in case of an attack.

 

Once they made it to the cafeteria Bucky let go of his hand and grabbed a tray, piling different kinds of food and snacks onto it without hesitation.  Steve just continued following behind him.  He wasn’t that hungry.  When they were done they sat down and Bucky just pushed the tray over to Steve.

 

“Oh, no thanks.  I’m not that hungry, Buck.”  Steve said, reaching out to push the tray back to Bucky’s side of the table.

 

Bucky paused and stared blankly at Steve with just a slight downturn to his lips.  Something was definitely bothering him but now that they were away from the team and in a room full of hospital staff he was hiding it. 

 

“You haven’t been back to the tower in a week.  You’ve been sitting in his hospital room nonstop.”  Bucky started, looking away from Steve and down at the tray between them.  “You’ve never acted this strangely before.”

 

“Sure I have.”  Steve said.  Ever since he had gotten Bucky back things were getting slightly better every day.  Bucky was talking more, interacting with the team occasionally, and even remembering who he used to be.  He wasn’t the Bucky he remembered, there was just a few facial expressions and quirky behaviors that were still there from his friend, but he was happy and safe and even though it wasn’t the same it was just as good.  “You probably don’t remember but one winter back when we were kids I somehow ended up not getting sick.  That was a big deal because whenever the weather changed I _always_ got sick, but not this time.  I was fine but you ended up getting the worst cold you’ve ever had.  You stayed in bed for days and I never left your side.”

 

Steve smiled fondly.  He didn’t get sick anymore, neither did Bucky.  That was a good memory, he remembered feeling great and fantastic and hoped he had finally grew out of his poor health but he also felt guilty for feeling so great when Bucky was coughing and wheezing in his bed with his mother hovering over him for days.

 

Bucky paused for a moment, no recognition entered his eyes but he nodded.  “So it’s normal for you to neglect your health because someone else isn’t well?  How are you still alive?”  He said, his light tone was forced but appreciated.  “I don’t think you’ve been eating as much as you should so please have lunch and then you can go back.”

 

“Fine, but only because you asked nicely.”  Steve said.  He started unwrapping the sandwich Bucky had got and stuck his tongue out, Bucky returning it with that lopsided, charming smile that had survived the decades and almost made his heart stop every time he saw it.  “You don’t play fair, Barnes.”

 

The sandwich was delicious considering it was pre-prepared hospital food and Steve hadn’t eaten an actual meal in almost a week.  It wasn’t like the home cooking he was used to, even though most of that cooking was done by either professional chefs or half exhausted superheroes, none of it at all like how his mother used to cook all those years ago, but it was better than the hundreds of packaged snack foods he had been eating.

 

After he took the first bite Bucky relaxed slightly.  Not entirely, not here, but some tension drained from his muscles and relief flooded his features. 

 

“How’s everything at the tower going?  Is it still standing?”  Steve asked.

 

Bucky chuckled.  “Barely.  It almost burned down twice.  Thank God for fire extinguishers.”  He said, smiling.  He was stressed, his features were strained.  Steve reached across the table slowly and gently brushed his fingers over Bucky’s cheek, tracing the soft lines and stubble.  Bucky leaned into the touch.

 

“You’re not doing too good.”  Steve said as he took another large bite of his sandwich.

 

Bucky shrugged and looked down.  “I’m fine, Stevie.  And if you think I look bad then you obviously been avoiding mirrors the past few days.”  He said quietly.

 

“I’m offended.”  Steve said.  Bucky’s smile became more relaxed.  “Are you alright?”

 

He nodded quickly.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  Really.”  He said.  Steve didn’t believe it.  Bucky hesitated, trying to fight off the questioning look Steve was giving him.  “I’m just not sleeping that much.  I can’t… I just…”  Bucky shook his head quickly.  “I want you to come home.”

 

The sentence was spoken in such a hushed, desperate tone that it damn near broke Steve’s heart.  He abandoned his food, pushing the tray aside as he stood up quickly and walked around the table, pulling Bucky up from his seat and into his arms.  “I know, baby.  I want to come home too.  I miss you.”  He whispered as he pressed quick kisses across Bucky’s face.  “But I messed up.  I broke the team.  I almost killed him.  I have to stay here until I fix it.”

Bucky buried his head into Steve’s neck and inhaled deeply as he nodded.  “I know.  But what if he doesn’t wake up?  What if you never come back?”  He breathed out, barely audible.

 

“Bucky, sweetheart, I’ll always come back to you.”  Steve said, placing a gentle kiss to Bucky’s hair.

 

“Okay.  Good.”  Bucky nodded.  He pulled away slightly.  “I love you, you giant idiot.  You’ll have to come back sooner or later.  Stark’s not as pretty as I am.”

 

“I don’t like his beard.”  Steve said, smiling slightly.  It was a serious situation, one that made him feel like he was about to fall apart.  It felt both wrong and relaxing to joke about it.  Almost made him believe that it wasn’t as serious as it really was, that Tony was just asleep and injured and not in a coma with so much damage to his body that everyone was silently freaking out.  “I always had a thing for snarky brunettes.”

 

He leaned over and gently brushed his lips against Bucky’s, allowing the man the choice of whether or not to push into the kiss.  Sometimes he didn’t, sometimes he pulled away, but most of the time he would lean forward and grab on to Steve’s shirt to hold him close as if he was afraid that he would slip away.  It was different than how they kissed back before the war, which were soft and sweet, yet still passionate.  Ever since he had gotten Bucky back and had fallen in love with him all over again, since Bucky had rekindled their relationship four months back with a soft whisper of love, their kisses were heated and desperate.

 

It took all of his strength to pull back.  It wasn’t the appropriate time or place to continue on like this.  They were in a hospital, making out like horny teenagers, while one of their closest friends was barely alive. 

 

“We should start heading back.”  Steve whispered, pressing his forehead to Bucky’s.

 

Bucky closed his eyes, tensing slightly, and stood completely still.  Steve didn’t want to pull away.  He waited until Bucky opened his eyes again and nodded.

 

He hadn’t eaten as much as he should, Bucky will probably bring that up later, but it had been over half an hour and he was starting to worry.  A lot of things could have happened in that time.  Tony’s condition could have either improved or drastically plummeted.  But neither of those had happened.  They walked back into Tony’s room and he was still there, just as he had been, unmoving, broken, and far too pale.

 

“No change.”  Bruce said as they entered.

 

Steve nodded.  It was better than what could have happened, but also disappointing.  Steve wanted change.  He had spent a whole week sleeping on a small, ratty couch in the corner of a hospital room waiting for change.  But every day it was always the same.  He’d wake up, eat, nap, talk to the constant parade of visitors, keep up with the team, and then go back to sleep.  It had become routine.  Steve needed Tony to wake up.

 

He went back to his little couch in the corner and plopped down, the palms of his hands rubbing at his eyes.  Bucky didn’t join him.  Instead he walked up to the edge of Tony’s bed and stared down at him.  Stark looked terrible, if he didn’t know any better he would have thought he was dead.  Bucky reached out slowly and brushed the messy dark hair off of Tony’s forehead.

 

“I’m going to stay.”  Bucky said finally.  Steve raised an eyebrow.

 

“What?”  He asked.

 

“I’m going to stay.”  Bucky repeated before he turned back to Steve and joined him on the couch.  “Someone has to take care of your stupid ass while you’re busy taking care of Stark.”

 

“Well, for starters, my ass isn’t stupid.  It’s a nice ass, you’ve told me so yourself.”  Steve said, flashing a smug grin.  Bruce sighed loudly and buried his head deeper into his book.  “Secondly, I’m not really doing much of anything.  You should go back to the tower, you’re more comfortable there.”

 

Bucky shook his head.  He leaned back into the couch and buried himself into Steve’s side.  “Nope.  I’m not going back until you come with me.”  He said.

 

“It might be a while, Buck.”  Steve said, reaching over to start running his fingers through Bucky’s long brown hair.  “This is just something I have to do.”

 

“It’s not your responsibility to sit with him twenty-four hours a day.”  Bucky mumbled.  “It’s not your fault.  No one blames you.”

 

Steve forced a smile.  Bucky couldn’t see it with his head buried into Steve’s ribs, Bruce wasn’t looking their way, and Tony was fast asleep.  Steve just felt like he needed to smile, even though he really didn’t want to because maybe it would lighten the mood.  It was Steve’s fault.  Everyone kept saying they didn’t blame him, they had all come to visit at least once a day and every one of his teammates were stressed, tense, angry, but always told him to take care of himself and that it would be alright.  They never seemed to aim their anger towards him when they all knew he deserved it the most.

 

He kept petting at Bucky’s hair until all tension drained from the man and he felt him sink further into the couch.  His chest rose slowly and steadily with each breath and Steve knew he had fallen asleep.  That was good, Bucky looked exhausted. 

 

They stayed like that for several hours.  Bucky was fast asleep next to him and Steve wasn’t going to risk waking him up to move.  After a while Bruce had left, offering an apology with mentions of an experiment waiting for him back at his lab.  Clint and Thor stopped by, only staying long enough to drop a few more armfuls of stuffed animals into the corner.  It was just the three of them, Bucky sleeping deeply, Tony unconscious, and Steve watching over both of them.

 

The song he started humming was familiar, but he couldn’t quite remember what it was.  It felt nice, safe, like a good song to be humming at the moment.  Sometimes Bucky didn’t sleep well when they were just small children and Steve remembered singing him the lullabies his ma would sing to him.  It always put Bucky right to sleep.  He didn’t remember the words to any of them, but the harmony of the song he was humming sounded so damn familiar he would guess that was it.

 

Bucky shifted next to him.  Steve glanced over and sure enough he saw the pale blue eyes peeking out at him from under that mess of hair.  He looked so calm and at peace that Steve wanted to lean down and kiss him again, whisper his promises of love in his ear, and just melt into his embrace.

 

But then the slow beeping of Tony’s heart monitor started to pick up slightly.  Bucky was off the couch before he was, rushing to Tony’s side before a horde of doctors and nurses started pushing them out of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm officially done with finals so I will be able to update faster on all of my fics. Hopefully you liked the chapter. More to come.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve let himself be nudged aside and into the background by the nurses, Bucky had to be dragged back. The doctors knew what they were doing, they could help Tony better than he could, they could save him. Steve kept telling himself that, repeating it over and over in his head like a mantra as the wail of Tony’s heart monitor filled the room. Steve grabbed onto Bucky, holding him against his chest so the man wouldn’t run back to that hospital bed and disturb the doctors.

 

“He’s gonna be fine, they’re gonna save him.” Steve whispered into Bucky’s ear. He repeated the sentence over and over until he saw Tony’s body jerk slightly.

 

Steve froze. Tony was moving, his body moved quickly and violently but he was still moving. He hoped that meant he was waking up, that everything would be okay and they could go home. If Tony was moving that meant he was still in there.

 

“He’s seizing!” One of the nurses shouted. Steve’s heart sank as the numerous doctors and nurses tried to hold him down, stop his body from moving too much.

 

Eventually the loud roar of the heart monitor died down and returned to its slow beeping, Tony stopped moving and went back to being far too still and quiet. He didn’t wake up. The doctors and nurses started to slowly leave the room to return to their duties.

 

Bucky went straight back up to Tony’s bed, leaning over slightly to look him over carefully. He stayed out of the way of the nurses who checked on Tony, stepping back when they needed him to, but always went right back to Tony’s side.

 

The rest of the nurses left, one of doctors walked back into the room with a small, sad frown. “He had a seizure. It’s not uncommon for patients with head injuries, but he also has a spinal injury so we want him moving as little as possible. We may have to restrain him in case it happens again.” She said calmly. “We’ll also schedule another CT scan and MRI to make sure he hasn’t damaged anything further.”

 

Steve’s mind wandered, his eyes locking on Tony where he lay in his hospital bed, his mind starting to drown out whatever the doctor was saying with a barrage of thoughts. He’s alive, he’s safe, he’s just not awake. Steve wasn’t entirely sure how long he could keep this up, how many weeks he could sit in this small room praying that Tony would wake up, how long Bucky would be willing to wait here with him, how long before it’s too late and Tony’s gone forever.

 

Bucky was kneeling next to Tony, his metal hand gripping the railing tightly and his flesh hand was gently brushing back the dark hair off of Tony’s forehead. Something had to happen soon, or all three of them wouldn’t be able to make it. The longer Tony slept the less hopeful Steve was that he would wake up. If he didn’t wake up then it would probably be the end of the Avengers, or at least Steve’s part in it. He hardly trusted himself to order Bucky back to the tower to rest, fearful that once again it would be the wrong call and something horrible would happen.

 

It was going to destroy Bucky as well. He and Tony were friends. Steve sometimes caught them in the middle of the night swapping stories and making jokes. The two of them could spend hours, sometimes all night if the two of them aren’t sleeping well, locked away in his lab and then come out with new technology to revolutionize society and a fully upgraded prosthetic that was lighter and moved smoother. Steve had taken one of Bucky’s few friends from him. It was hard enough for him to talk to people, get attached to them. Steve was surprised when he and Tony got on so great and now look at what he did.

 

“I’m sorry, Buck.” Steve whispered as the doctor left.

 

Bucky glanced over to him before looking back at Tony. “It’s not your fault, Steve.”

 

“No, it is.” Steve said. “He was your friend, I know you cared about him. I sent him in there and look at what happened.”

 

Bucky stood up quickly and was at Steve’s side in an instant, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on Steve’s shoulder. “You’re an idiot, Rogers. ‘s not your fault. Stop crying.” He said softly. Steve’s hand shot up to wipe at his face, sure enough it was wet. “You didn’t know it was a trap. You thought you were saving civilians. You did the right thing.”

 

“No, I didn’t. I nearly got Stark killed.” Steve whispered. “He might not wake up. I shouldn’t have sent him in there. I did this.”

 

Bucky pulled back and took Steve’s face in his hands. Steve forced a small smile and closed his eyes as he felt Bucky’s lips gently brushed against his cheeks. The kisses were so soft and filled with so much love and affection that Steve wanted the floor to open him and swallow him whole. He didn’t deserve this. Not now, not after what he’s done, and certainly not with Tony unconscious less than five feet away from them.

 

He pulled back and Bucky’s hands dropped from his face. “I’m sorry Bucky.”

 

Bucky’s face dropped, his shoulders drooped, and the heartbroken expression he had almost made Steve think someone had kicked a puppy right in front of him. Steve hadn’t seen that look since the helicarrier, when the world was burning and falling apart around them and Steve just managed to get through to him. That look on Bucky’s face, a hint of recognition surrounded by horror, pain, and fear. Steve hated that look.

 

“Alright. He’s going to be fine though.” Bucky said firmly. “He’s survived worse, he’ll survive this.”

 

“Even so, I did this. If he wakes up it’ll be a miracle, amazing and wonderful and I hope it happens.” Steve said quickly. He reached out and laid his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. “But I still did this to him. I sent him in there and he got hurt. How am I supposed to make up for that? Get him a fruit basket?”

 

“He’s probably not even going to be upset. He adores you.” Bucky said, smiling slightly. Steve sighed and raised an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe adore isn’t the right word. But he highly respects you, cares about you. He thinks of you as a friend. And Tony doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do. If he thought it was necessary to go into that building then he would have went regardless. It’s not your fault.”

 

But it was. No matter what anyone else believed it was his fault. He was captain of the team, he was in charge, he gave the orders. Regardless of what will happen from now on this is all on him. If Tony dies in here, or never wakes up, it’s his fault. If Tony does wake up there is a very real chance he’ll be paralyzed or too injured to function the way he used to, that would be because of the decisions he made in the field. If Tony wakes up and makes a full recovery and everything goes back to normal, then Steve will thank whatever god or angle out there gave him that second chance and he will do better. Something like this will never happen again.

 

“Come on.” Bucky whispered. He reached out slowly and took Steve’s hands in his. “It’s late.”

 

A quick glance at the clock confirmed it. Half past eleven at night. Thor will be here as soon as visiting hours started at nine in the morning, the rest of the team will stop by at different times throughout the day. That’s usually how it had gone for the past week.

 

Steve let himself be dragged over to the couch, Bucky laid down first and then Steve curled up on top of him. His head fit perfectly just under Bucky’s chin and when those large arms curled around him he felt so warm and safe that he started to consider that maybe, just maybe, things might be okay. That everyone could be right and Tony could pull through.

 

Bucky ran a hand lightly through Steve’s hair, humming the same song Steve had hummed earlier. It still felt familiar, like a memory thinly buried inside his head. It wasn’t important. He could fell the steady beating of Bucky’s heart, hear the slow beeping of Tony’s heart monitor, and was content with the knowledge that they were both, at the moment, alive.

 

His eyes were growing heavy. The past week of too little sleep was quickly catching up with him now that he was in the familiar comfort of Bucky’s arms. He could worry more in the morning.

 

When he opened his eyes again he knew something was different, wrong almost. Bucky was still breathing calmly under him, Tony’s heart monitor was still beeping, but it seemed like something had changed. Bucky’s arms weren’t around him anymore but hanging limply at his sides. Steve glanced up to look at him, his head was dangling off the edge of the couch with his mouth open and his eyes were closed and slightly scrunched up. Steve smiled, Bucky looked like a dork when he slept. He glanced over to Tony, freezing completely when he saw the figure standing over him.

 

“Wanda?” Steve whispered. He was careful to pull himself off of Bucky, not wanting to wake him, and walked over to the bed. “What are you doing?”

 

She raised a finger to her lips but didn’t look up. She stared intently at Tony. It made him uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, she had helped them save the world. It was just that he was well aware of the hostility she and her brother had for Stark. Wanda hadn’t come to visit him yet so she was here for a reason.

 

“Maximoff?” Steve said slowly.

 

Wanda shushed him again, this time a bit louder. “He’s dreaming.” She said quietly.

 

Steve relaxed and looked down at Tony. He looked the same as he had been the past week. He was pale, had a relaxed expression that almost made the lines of his face disappear, his mouth was slightly open with a tube sticking out of it, and his dark hair stuck up in an unstyled mess. The only difference today was that there were now several thick, soft straps holding him down to stop him from moving too much in case of another seizure.

 

“What’s he dreaming about?” Steve asked. If Tony was dreaming then that meant he was still in there. He was still alive and able to come back. There was hope.

 

“He’s really small and an older man is singing to him while he cries.” She said simply. “I think he’s scared.”

 

“Is he alright?” Steve said. He looked down at Tony, who looked so small and so fragile that Steve was suddenly afraid to even touch him. “Is he going to wake up?”

 

Wanda hummed softly. “Maybe.”

 

That wasn’t the answer Steve wanted. He wanted a definitive ‘yes’ that Tony was alright and that he was going to wake up soon. She was the Scarlet Witch, she knew these things. If anyone could tell him that Tony would wake up and be alright it was her.

 

He frowned as he looked back at her. “Why are you here?” He said quickly. “You don’t like Tony.”

 

“No. I don’t.” Wanda said, shrugging. “He built the very weapon that killed my family and terrified my brother and I for days. There is no forgiving that.”

 

Steve didn’t do anything. Wanda wasn’t acting threateningly, she had showed no interest in hurting Stark in the past few weeks, and she was their teammate. Worst case scenario, she tried to kill Stark while he was down and maybe he could fight her off.

 

“I’m not here to hurt him.” Wanda said, glancing up to him with a small smile. “I haven’t forgiven him for making those weapons, but I do understand he’s trying to change. Be better man or something.”

 

“Yes, he’s a good man. I didn’t know him before he became Iron Man, but I’m sure he put all that behind him and is trying to make amends.” Steve said. Wanda’s small smile grew slightly as she nodded. “Now, why are you here?”

 

She shrugged again. “Something’s changing.” She said. “I’m not sure what.”

 

Steve paused, glancing down at Tony and then back at Bucky. They were both still asleep. “Is it a good change or a bad change?” He asked slowly. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.

 

With a shake of her head she started backing away towards the door. “I guess we’ll have to find out.” She said as she turned and left.

 

That made no sense. How was he supposed to know how much he should worry if she didn’t specify what was changing and if it was for the better? Sometimes his teammates didn’t tell him things, but he really wished they would share the important bits of information.

 

He didn’t feel tired anymore. A few hours of sleep should be enough. He’ll just tell Bucky he slept and then woke up before he did. It wasn’t technically a lie and it’ll stop him from worrying. Also, he didn’t want to risk waking him up by crawling back onto him. Bucky needed sleep more than he did. He was looking exhausted.

 

Steve sat down in the vacant seat between Tony’s bed and the door. He had been sitting in that uncomfortable plastic chair for a whole week and it never did get any more comfortable, but he got to stay close to Tony, waiting for change.

 

Hopefully it came soon. Wanda said something was changing. Maybe that meant Tony was getting ready to wake up. Steve could hope, but Tony still looked trapped in a deep sleep. His long lashes didn’t flutter against his cheek like they usually did when Steve found him napping in his lab. His cheeks were too pale, not flushed pink like they were when Tony stumbled into the kitchen in the mornings, half asleep and not entirely aware of anything. His breathing was mechanical, the ventilator next to the bed keeping it steady and rhythmic. Usually when Tony slept his breathes were long and deep, characterized by faint, nasally snores.

 

Steve reached out slowly, his fingertips barely brushing against Tony’s bruised cheekbone as if he were made of paper and the slightest bit of pressure would rip him in half. He started humming again. The song was so familiar it was starting to bother him now. It was an important song, something he was sure he had heard dozens of times.

 

“ _I see the moon and the moon sees me._ ” He sung softly. That was it. Suddenly the memory was back. His mother used to sing it to him when he was young and was too sick to get up out of bed. It was one of his favorite lullabies, he couldn’t believe he had forgotten it.

 

“ _Shining through the leaves of the old oak tree. Oh, let the light that shines on me…_ ” Steve sung softly. His hand dropped from Tony’s face and went to hold his hand. If Tony really was dreaming of someone singing to him while he was young and afraid then maybe this song will sneak into his dream and make him feel better, just like it always did when his mother sang it to him. “ _shine on the one I love._ ”

 

He was about to sing the next verse, all the lyrics very clear in his head, when he heard Bucky move over on the couch. Steve glanced over and automatically froze when he saw Bucky. He looked panicked, uncomfortable, hurt. Perhaps Bucky had a nightmare, they weren’t uncommon.

 

“Buck, are you alright?” Steve asked as he stood and took a step around the bed and in his direction.

 

Bucky jumped up from the couch and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” He said quickly. Steve took another step towards him and Bucky took an identical step back. Steve stopped. Bucky didn’t want him to come close. Something was wrong, very wrong. Steve could feel his heart start to pick up. “It’s just… It’s my turn to make breakfast at the tower. Those idiots can barely crack an egg so if they’re going to eat right I have to get back.”

 

“You’re going back to the tower?” Steve asked slowly. Bucky nodded. “I thought you wanted to stay.”

 

“Yeah, and I did. It was great but hospitals are rather boring.” Bucky said. His voice was a bit too quick, too strained to put Steve at ease. “I’ll see you back at the tower.”

 

Bucky started walking then, quickly trying to make his escape and rushing towards the door. Steve stepped forward to stop him. Something was very wrong. Bucky was distressed and Steve couldn’t let him leave without figuring out what triggered it. He had to make sure Bucky was alright.

 

“Buck, baby, what’s wrong?” Steve asked softly, reaching out to lay his hands on Bucky’s shoulders.

 

“Nothing.” He said sharply. “I just have to get back.”

 

“It’s the middle of the night.” Steve said. Bucky shrugged, causing Steve’s hands to fall from his shoulders. “Do you want me to go back with you?”

 

“No!” Buck said quickly, shaking his head. “You stay here with Tony. You have to be here. He needs you more than I do.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Steve said quickly. Nothing was making any sense today. “You’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

Bucky shook his head and glanced over to Tony. “You love him. That’s alright.” He said softly. Steve jerked back as if he had been slapped. “Don’t worry. I understand. He’s quite the catch, might have been falling for him a bit myself. I never would have done anything though, but you need him. He needs you. I’ll be alright.”

 

With that he went for the door and left. Steve stood completely still, his feet stuck in place. He didn’t know what he should do, should he run after Bucky and make sure he’s alright and dispel Bucky’s fears, that he loved him more than anything, more than Tony, or stay in case something happened. It was true. He did love Tony, a seed of affection had been planted somewhere deep inside since the man had opened up his home and all of his resources for him and the team, but Tony was his friend, one of his best friends, so of course Steve felt love for him. That was before Bucky had come back. Bucky had been the one who stuck by him no matter what, life threatening illness or world wars. He loved Bucky first and always.

 

He took an aborted step towards the door, yelling Bucky’s name. He was captain of the team, they were his responsibility. Tony was badly injured, he had had a seizure just a few hours ago. Steve couldn’t just abandon him, leave him to wake up or die alone. But Bucky was his lover, his oldest friend. How could he be expected to just stand by when he was obviously hurt and panicked over something?

 

He was halfway out the door when he looked back to check on Tony, struggling to find an answer, a decision. Steve stopped when he saw Tony, his hazed, droopy, but open brown eyes were staring back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this fic comes from an old lullaby. There are many variations of it but the version I am using can be found [here](http://www.lullaby-link.com/i-see-the-moon.html).  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked the chapter. More to come soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *DISCLAIMER: Do I have fifty tabs open on my computer about the nature of Brain and Spinal Cord injuries and the recovery of them on my computer? Yes. Have I taken several medical classes while attending university? Yes. Does any of that mean that this fic is going to be 100% medically accurate? No.  
> Also, I updated this way quicker than I intended to because inspiration for this story is high.

“Hey Bucky. It’s me again. I hope you’ll pick up sometime, or call back.” Steve said, his cell phone pressed to his ear as he paced around the hallway. He had a clear view into Tony’s room, where several Doctors and Bruce were fussing over him. “Tony’s awake. I know I told you about twenty times in the past few days in the fifty other messages I’ve left you but he’s been waking up more. He hasn’t said anything yet, hardly moves, but he’s been wiggling his toes and scrunching up his nose when people talk to him. No one knows what it means but some of his doctors think he might need a speech therapist.”

 

He looked back into the room. He could see Tony, awake but looking exhausted and about ready to fall back to sleep. Bruce was talking to him, his hand laid gently over Tony’s as he said soft words Steve couldn’t make out. Tony looked uncomfortable, his eyes unfocused but his brows furrowed down in either agitation or confusion. Many of the doctors standing over him were scribbling quickly on clipboards, Steve was going to hope that meant something positive.

 

“I miss you, love. I need you. I can’t do this all by myself.” Steve whispered into the phone. He looked away from Tony’s room and stared out a window on the opposite end of the hall. “I don’t know why you would think I would ever leave you because that’s never gonna happen, Barnes. I will always love you and to quote you, using that saying you’ve gotten really annoyed with, I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.”

 

He glanced back to Tony, who was blinking wildly as a doctor shone a light in his eyes. From what he understood that was fantastic, he was responding to outside stimuli. Bruce had talked about that often, about how his physical or vocal responses to stimuli, although it was unlikely he would be able to speak properly or clearly just after waking up from a coma and traumatic brain injury, can mean improvement. It was certainly better than the first few times he woke up where he stared blankly at a wall.

 

“I have to do this. I have to take care of him. I did this to him, he’s my responsibility.” Steve whispered into the phone. He wished Bucky was here, more than anything. Bucky had always been his main area of support, someone he could always trust no matter what. “You may not remember, but when we were younger you were so enthusiastic about taking care of me that it got annoying sometimes. I mean, you knew my limits and never once crossed them, but you also didn’t treat me like glass and I adore that about you. But the moment I got the sniffles you forced me into bed and waited on me hand and foot. I hope you understand, this is not about me not loving you and loving Tony more. This is about me taking care of a member of this team who I have hurt. I will always love you and I will be in a relationship with you for as long as you want me, but I also have to do this and I was hoping you would be willing to do it with me.”

 

The doctors started leaving Tony’s room one by one, all of them muttering to themselves quietly. Bruce stayed, taking a seat in the couch that was pushed into the corner. “Please come back. I love you.”

 

He hung up and stood there for a moment, taking a few deep and calm breaths. Once he felt ready he walked back into Tony’s room. Bruce smiled at him as he entered, Tony was already asleep.

 

Steve took his spot in the empty, uncomfortable plastic chair by Tony’s bed and reached out to hold his hand. So far Tony has shown little movement in his fingers, but he did flick his wrist the last time Steve put his hand over his. The doctors were thrilled by that, it meant there wasn’t complete damage to his spine and that recovery was likely. No one wanted to say anything for sure about how serious it is until later, but they were hopeful.

 

“How’d he do?” Steve asked softly. He didn’t look over to Bruce but he could see the man shift slightly in the corner of his eye.

 

“He did really well, all things considered.” Bruce said. Steve looked over and frowned. “He did have a serious head injury, he’s more responsive than you would expect after only being awake for three days. It’s a good sign.”

 

Steve nodded, smiling slightly. This was good news. He had fully expected Tony to die, hopeful that he wouldn’t but was still ready for it. It was still worrying though. Tony was usually loud and brash, with his horrible jokes and seemingly careless attitude. To see him stare blankly into space without so much as a mumble is terrifying.

 

“They’re going to start getting together a team for him, physical therapists, occupational therapists, speech therapists, social workers, really anything he might need. And you’ve already volunteered to be his main caretaker when they let him come home, which isn’t really necessary.” Bruce said quickly. “We could hire a nurse. Pepper’s already looking into some great ones. She said she’ll interview them all herself as soon as she gets back to New York.”

 

“I know. I trust you guys have his best interests in mind, but this is just something I have to do.” Steve said. His voice was soft, had no force in his words and he lacked a commanding presence. It was an unusual thing for him, the leader of one of the best strike forces on the planet, but right now he needed to be quiet and considerate because this wasn’t about him, this was all about the man sleeping soundly right in front of him. “What did the doctors say?”

 

“They say he’s showing improvement, is displaying signs of localized responsiveness. Which means he can follow objects with his eyes, he looks to people he recognizes when they speak, and he even grunted at one of the doctors when they touched his foot. They’re going to start putting him into therapy as soon as they can.” Bruce said. The enthusiastic tone in his voice made it seem like it was wonderful news. “They took him off the ventilator and he’s breathing just fine on his own. They think with a little help he might start talking again soon. They’re gonna see if he can eat on his own soon. The doctors are hopeful that in a few months he may be able to function on his own again.”

 

Steve sighed, that was definitely good news. Everyone kept talking about how likely it was that Tony wouldn’t recover fully, wouldn’t be the same, but will recover enough to be self-sufficient again. It was strange, to look at this frail, sleeping man who can barely wiggle his toes and flick his wrist, can say nothing more than an occasional hum or grunt, and think of him as being able to be okay one day. He hoped that day did come, because to see Tony smiling and walking around his tower again would make him the happiest man in the world.

 

The three of them sat there in silence for a long time. Steve just looked at Tony, memorizing his face. He was beautiful, his lashes resting on the tops of his cheeks as he slept, his dark hair had become an unruly mess, the pink flush in his face was back, and his light, nasally snore was there as well. Steve felt so much love and affection well inside his chest that he felt about ready to burst open. But those feeling also brought on a layer of guilt, because the one he was truly devoted to was afraid that he would leave him for Tony, which didn't make sense because Tony was his friend, one of his closest and he wouldn't dream of leaving Bucky for anyone or anything, let alone one of his few close friends.

 

He looked up as Clint entered. It was within visiting hours, Bruce would be here all day until it visiting hours stopped and then he would be back again tomorrow. Steve trusted him to be back all day every day until Tony was released to come home. Thor had already been by. He had cheered loudly when Bruce told him about Tony’s slow recovery and the noise had jerked Tony awake. It had been a catastrophe, Tony had panicked and slunk away from everyone, cried out unintelligible syllables and looked around the room in confusion and fear. It had taken them a while to calm him down, Thor not allowing anyone to sedate him, and as soon as he had relaxed again he fell right back to sleep. Thor promised to be quieter in future visits. Natasha would probably stop by later, she never woke Tony up.

 

Clint waved a large card around in his hand and smiled at everyone. Clint often made appearances throughout the day, often with several letters of encouragement from their fans and supporters. He handed the card off to Steve. It was almost a foot tall and covered in children’s signatures and drawings.

 

“Some children’s hospital in Indianapolis mailed this in.” Clint whispered. “They send Tony their best wishes. We have a couple dozen other cards and letters back at the tower but I thought you guys might like this one here.”

 

Steve nodded. “Thank you.”

 

It was a beautiful card, a nice sentiment to show that although Tony might not be out saving the world or building revolutionary technologies the people still stood with him and supported him. Very little about his condition has been made public, but it has been almost two weeks since the incident and there had been several press conferences. The public knew that Tony had been seriously injured in battle, that he probably be incapable of suiting up and joining them in the field again for at least a year, possibly more and possibly never again, and the public knew that he was in bad shape. They didn’t know which hospital he was in, the nature of his injuries, or how seriously those injuries had affected him.

 

“How are you holding up?” Clint asked, crouching down next to Steve’s chair.

 

“Much better now that he’s awake. I’m going to be getting some training on how to properly take care of him once he’s out of the tower tomorrow.” Steve said. “They think that by then he’ll be able to talk and walk a bit. They’re not sure about his hands though. He can move them a bit but he hasn’t moved his fingers yet.”

 

Clint nodded slowly, a deep frown settling in his features. “That’s good news. We miss him around the tower.” He said softly. “But how are you doing? Are you eating? Sleeping? You look like shit, Cap.”

 

Steve chuckled. “I’m eating. They have a great vending machine across the hall. And believe it or not that couch is actually really comfortable.”

 

Clint nodded again. He looked over to Tony and stood up. His footsteps were completely silent as he walked up to the bed and leaned down to press a gentle, chaste kiss to his forehead. Then he turned around and quickly walked towards the door.

 

“Take care of yourself, Steve. We want both of you back alright.” He said before leaving.

 

Steve watched him leave before turning to look at Bruce, who was staring into his tablet and refusing to acknowledge anyone had come and gone. Steve simply shrugged and turned his attention back to Tony.

 

Clint’s appearance hadn’t woken him up at all, which was good. The last thing he needed was to have to calm Tony down by reminding him that he’s safe, that he was in the hospital, and that everything was fine. Tony needed rest, a lot of it if he was going to be okay.

 

One visible change that Steve could see from Tony in a coma to Tony just sleeping was that when Tony was in a coma his body was completely still. Now that Tony was just sleeping he twitched every so often. His legs would shift position, his nose would wrinkle randomly as he dreamed, and if it wasn’t for the neck brace that was immobilizing his head Steve was certain he would be moving that around too. These small movements were an indication of life that hadn’t been there before Tony had woken up and he hadn’t noticed back when he was silently watching Tony from afar before the injury happened. Now that he was up close and had this new respect for the beauty and frailty of Tony’s life he was seeing much more.

 

Steve had no idea how long he was sitting there watching Tony but next time he looked around Bruce was gone from the couch and Bucky stood in the doorway, a large stack of papers in his hand. Steve stood quickly but didn’t go to him.

 

“Buck.” Steve whispered softly. “You came back.”

 

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. I got your messages and you seemed really lost without me.” He walked around Steve and towards the couch in the corner, gesturing to the stack of papers in his hand. “I printed you some flyers, pamphlets, and information packets about Traumatic Brain Injuries, Spinal Cord Injuries, what the symptoms are, what recovery is like, and what you have to do to take care of survivors.”

 

“Oh, thank you.” Steve said. He still stood completely still, shocked and confused. “Did you read them?”

 

“Yes. All of them.” Bucky said calmly. He was making a conscious effort to avoid looking at Steve, he could tell. It was troubling and heartbreaking but Steve just wanted Bucky to look up at him with the same love he always has and then have everything be alright again.

 

Steve took a step towards him. “Thank you for coming back.” He said slowly. “It means so much to me.”

 

“You asked me to.” Bucky said. He placed the stack of papers on his lap and started swirling hid fingers over the printed text on top of them. “And the spies I’m sending in are telling me you’re not eating or sleeping.”

 

“You know I would never leave you, right?” Steve said. He took a few more steps towards Bucky. “Not even for Tony. I’m happy with you. I love you. I want you to stay with me.”

 

Bucky paused. He didn’t look up but he stopped tracing the papers. His forehead formed several deep wrinkles as Bucky scrunched up his face in thought. It was several long and quiet minutes before he spoke again, Steve waiting patiently the whole time.

 

“Alright.” Bucky said finally. “I’ll stay with you, for as long as you’re happy with me. If you ever fall for someone else and you want to go to them, just tell me and I’ll let you be with them and be happy.”

 

Steve rushed forward and dropped to his knees in front of him. He took Bucky’s face in his hands and peppered it with kisses. Bucky didn’t pull away, just let his eyes fall closed as he met Steve’s lips with his own. 

 

“Thank you, doll.” Steve whispered to him. He pulled back and wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck. “And if I recall, you said you had a thing for Stark too.”

 

He chuckled softly as Bucky scoffed and shook his head. “You can’t prove nothing, Rogers. He’s one of my dearest friends, of course I’m into him, but in like a friendship way. You actually have a big ole crush.”

 

“Friendship way, right.” Steve said, nodding slowly. “It doesn’t matter now. Tony needs us to take care of him while he heals, nothing more.”

 

“I can do that.” Bucky said. “I certainly can’t leave you to take care of him by yourself, you’d starve to death.”

 

Steve nodded and dropped his head so his face was buried into Bucky’s chest, a warm hand coming up to pet at his hair. This was good, this was where he was supposed to be. With Bucky, safe and calm and loving. This will make whatever struggles were up ahead worth it. This wasn’t fixed, they still had a lot to talk about. Whatever insecurities made Bucky run away in the first place were still there and Steve would have to smooth them away and reaffirm his love.

 

“You were gone for three days. I wanted to come after you but… I did this to him, I have to help him.” Steve said slowly. He trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence. Bucky would understand. Tony needed him. “Please, don’t ever leave me like that again.”

 

“Never, love. I’m here to help you, to help him. You two are my best friends in the whole world, I can’t leave you guys when you both need it most. Tony fixes my arm when it jams up with no questions asked and you have a nice ass. I’m staying no matter what.” Bucky said. He placed a soft kiss to the top of Steve head. “It’s going to be hard, he’s not going to be okay for a long time. He needs help. I know you have to help him, so I’m going to help both of you.”

 

Steve nodded, squeezing his eyes shut to cherish the moment. Bucky had come back to him. Whatever was going to happen now would be easier because he had Bucky, who understood and loved him. Things were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned before this fic is in no way going to be 100% medically accurate but I will try to make it as close as possible. Also, Recovery can take a long time so the chapters will skip over time a lot, usually a few days between chapters or a week or two, but they will all be connected.  
> As you can see, this chapter takes place three days after the ending of the last chapter. Hopefully that flowed well.  
> Thank you for reading. Please comment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to all of my research (which has been so much omg) people don't just wake up from a coma with no mental impairments and it takes time for them to heal, it takes a while for them to learn to speak, walk, and function again. Which was a surprise to me but I should have expected these lies from movies and tv shows.

“Where?” Tony asked softly, glancing at Steve.

 

Steve looked up from his sketchbook and smiled. “You’re in the hospital, Tony. You were hurt on a mission. Bucky’s here too.” He said, using his pencil to point at Bucky, who was sitting next to Tony’s bed.

 

“Oh.” Tony said. His gaze drifted back to the window, his eyes wide as if he were seeing it for the first time.

 

Tony asked that often, his words always a bit slurred and his vocalizations were usually still incoherent mumblings, but he was still talking and that was amazing. Almost every other hour for the past week he seemed to forget where he was or what had happened and he would look to Steve for the answers. It was trust, Tony was confused and lost and had no idea what was going on but he accepted anything Steve would tell him. He may not be aware that he was doing it but it seemed like such a vulnerable thing for him that Steve could never tell him anything but the truth.

 

Steve returned to his drawing. It was just a quick sketch of the scene in front of him. Bucky held one of Tony’s hands in his own as he gently trailed one of his metal fingers over his hand, almost as if he was trying to will the movement back into them. Bucky did this almost every day after lunch, mindful of the importance Tony’s set schedule was, and let his fingers gradually run over Tony’s hands, hardly even touching at all. He would continue to rub his hands until either Tony pulled away or it was time for his next session of therapy.

 

“What’s he doing today?” Bucky asked.

 

“Balance. He’s already walking a bit, but they need to work more on keeping him upright for longer.” Steve said, not looking up from his sketchbook. He was trying to get the details just right, the way their hands were intertwined and the gentle touch of Bucky’s finger running over Tony’s, he had no idea how to get that down on paper but without it visually represented the drawing was missing something. “After that he’s going in for another MRI. This will be the tenth one, or something. I guess with super rich Tony Stark being the patient they want to be as thorough as possible.”

 

“Did they say when we get to bring him home yet?”  Bucky said.

 

“As soon as they’re sure he can be out from under constant medical surveillance without accidentally hurting himself.”  Steve said.  He glanced back up at the two of them.  Tony had turned his attention from the window to Bucky, blinking at him slowly as the man continued to trace gentle patterns into the skin of his fingers.  Bucky was smiling up at him in a way that made Steve’s heart skip a beat.  It was the way Bucky used to smile at people long before the war and HYDRA and the whole world had fallen apart around them.  Steve never thought he would see that look again.

 

Bucky hummed in agreement.  “That makes sense.  We wouldn’t want him to accidently hurt himself and cause permanent damage.”  He said slowly.  “He’s still healing, we have to be careful with him.”

 

Steve held his tongue, not wanting to add the ‘ _no more permanent damage than what he already had’_ comment that was sitting at the front of his mind. There was no guarantee that any of this was permanent, head injuries were tricky things. The first few months were always hard as the brain tried to bounce back from what had happened, patients had to relearn a lot of what was once second nature, such as eating, walking, or even dressing themselves. There was a chance that around this time next year everything would have gone completely back to the way things used to be, and there was also the possibility that his recovery would stop here. This might not all be permanent but regardless of what will happen Steve will be here to help take care of him.

 

The knock at the door drew his attention. One of Tony’s many doctors walked in, a small smile on his face. He walked right in, without even acknowledging Tony, and came right up to Steve. Pepper was out of town and since Steve was in charge he was responsible for overseeing all of Tony’s medical needs. It was the same with the rest of the team if they couldn’t get ahold of anyone else.

 

“I’ve got good news.” The doctor said as he stopped in front of Steve. “We just got back the results from his most recent round of testing. The swelling on his spine has gone down and the damage isn’t as extensive as we original thought. Some nerve damage but nothing that will cause complete paralysis. He’s already gaining some movement back in his hands and with a bit more work his fingers will probably go back to normal as well.”

 

Steve could practically feel the weight disappearing off of his shoulders. If Tony wasn’t going to be able to use his fingers again then it would destroy him. Tony’s life revolved around building and inventing and if he couldn’t do that anymore then Steve was worried about what that would do to him. It was fine for now, where Tony was too unfocused and confused to really understand what was happening to him, but one day Tony would have healed enough to realize what’s going on and that things aren’t what they used to be. It was a relief to know that when that day came Tony was likely to still be able to do what he loved.

 

“It also means he may be able to take off the neck brace sooner than expected and then we can release him.” The doctor said as he glanced at Tony, who was now smiling back at Bucky. “I’m sure being home with his friends will do him good.”

 

“The team will love to have him back. The sooner we can bring him home the better.” Steve said. “When do you think that will be?”

 

“We’ll want to see how delicate his spine is first, but if everything comes back okay it shouldn’t be more than a few days.” The doctor said. “But when you do take him home you’ll have to make sure he’s careful. He’s in a very delicate place right now, we wouldn’t want him to take another hit like that.”

 

Steve shook his head. “You’re right. He’s off the field for the foreseeable future. He’s gonna be safe.”

 

The doctor left and Steve went back to his sketching. Now that Bucky and Tony were just smiling at each other with bright, carefree eyes as if there was nothing wrong with the world as long as they continued to smile at each other. Bucky’s fingers still gently traced the lines of Tony’s palm and all of a sudden the scene seemed far too intimate and Steve felt like an unwelcome observer.

 

“No.” Tony said forcefully as he pulled his hands away from Bucky and just like that the moment was gone.

 

Bucky pulled back instantly, putting a small but significant space between them. Tony’s breathing picked up, his eyes darting around every corner of the room. He probably forgot again. It wasn’t uncommon, his memory was another thing affected by the injury and sometimes he seemed to forget about Bucky and Steve entirely. Steve could understand how terrifying that must be for him. Tony was waking up in a place he doesn’t recognize with people he didn’t know, Steve could sympathize. It usually didn’t last though, for a few hours Tony would be confused, sometimes even a bit aggressive and swing his left arm that was secure in a cast at anyone who came too close too fast, but after a while he would calm down and let his mind wander off again.

 

So when this happened they just had to wait. Bucky pulled away, scooted his chair back far enough to give Tony the space needed to help him feel comfortable, and then just watched. Steve’s sketchbook lay forgotten on his lap as he watched Tony carefully. If he was feeling threatened then he might do something risky, his job was to keep Tony alive.

 

Tony was rambling quietly, incoherent nonsense muttered just loud enough for his enhanced hearing to pick up. They weren’t recognizable words, but they probably had some meaning in Tony’s mind. He was probably terrified and Steve was going to make sure there would be nothing for him to fear, nothing was going to hurt him as long as Steve was here.

 

Tony was sitting straight up in bed, his intense gaze passing over Steve slowly before he went back to scanning the rest of the room. Steve had to remind himself that this was good, Tony was conscious of his surroundings, it was improvement. It still didn’t make it easier to see Tony so afraid of him.

 

“What?” Tony asked softly.

 

“You were hurt on a mission, you’re in the hospital.” Steve said as calmly as he could. “You’re safe, no one is going to hurt you. We’re your friends.”

 

That just seemed to confuse Tony more, his eyes narrowed as he looked between him and Bucky. Then his whole body seemed to relax and a soft smile returned to his face.

 

“Oh.” He said. Then he nodded and laid back down.

 

Just like that, the situation defused. Tony went back to staring blankly at the window, but pulled away with an annoyed grumble when Bucky reached for his hand again. Steve picked up his sketchbook again. The scene was gone but he could rely on his memory to finish it. Perhaps when it’s done he could show it to Tony, show him those soft smiles and gentle touches and maybe that would help him feel more at ease.

 

He carefully traced the lines of Bucky’s face, trying to get the expression just right. There had been a softness to his eyes, a warmth to his smile, and he had looked at Tony so damn fondly it had been the most beautiful thing Steve had seen in months. And Tony had smiled back at him, acknowledged him with recognition and trust.

 

Steve didn’t realize he was humming, that silly nursery rhyme his mother had sang to him that he had become preoccupied with. He didn’t know why he was starting to remember it now, but he was glad he remembered it. He loved the song.

 

“I think I remember that.” Bucky said slowly.

 

“Hmm?” Steve hummed, glancing up to see Bucky smiling softly at him.

 

“You told me about that time when you didn’t get sick, but I did and you took care of me. I think I remember a bit of that. You were singing that song.” Bucky said, his eyes looked a bit distant as if he was seeing the memory before his own eyes. “You didn’t eat much back then either. We should get lunch soon.”

 

“Alright, Bucky, but you’re buying.” Steve said, grinning back at him. “But can we at least wait until Bruce shows up? I don’t want to leave him alone.”

 

Bucky shrugged. “Or I could run down to the cafeteria and get us something. Then we could eat here.” He said, standing up.

 

“That’s a great idea. You know what I like.” Steve said, looking back down at his drawing.

 

“Oh, you’re damn right I know what you like.” Bucky said. Steve chuckled softly as Bucky stopped at the door. “Is there anything particular you want? It can be anything and you know I’ll get it for you.”

 

Steve frowned, this wasn’t the happy and calm Bucky who had been smiling at Tony just a few minutes ago. This was a Bucky who looked sad and almost desperate. Something was going on with him and he had no idea how to fix it.

 

“I’ll love whatever you get me, Buck.” Steve said. Bucky nodded, his smile was back although it was a bit forced, and left.

 

He went back to drawing, trying to keep his mind occupied. He had no idea how to fix any of this. It was almost as if the world was working against him. It felt like he was slowly losing Bucky, Tony’s life was hanging on a thread, and Steve had no idea how he was supposed to help either of them.

 

He had to find a way to reassure Bucky that no matter what he would never leave him, that he loved him with all of his heart. Yet he still had to be here for Tony, he wouldn’t abandon the man after putting him in this situation. He could have both, there had to be a way for him to have Bucky and still take care of Tony like he has to. He has responsibilities that were clashing and it devastated him.

 

Tony’s heart monitor was picking up again, a slow and methodical beeping quickly turned into a loud and overwhelming wailing. Steve was up and by his side almost instantly, the nurses entering the room just as Tony’s body started to stiffen and jerk. It was happening again, it shouldn’t be happening again. Steve didn’t understand it, but this was Tony’s second seizure in just a few weeks. It wasn’t good.

 

The nurses pulled Steve back and out of the way as they tried to help Tony. Steve turned away and dropped his head into his hands. This was his fault. This was all his fault, he made the wrong call and now Tony was suffering because of it. He could hear them behind him, Tony’s shaking was rattling his hospital bed, the nurses were shouting words that Steve didn’t listen to, and the continuous roar of the heart monitor.

 

Then it was quiet again. He turned around quickly and everything seemed to be fine. The nurses were still standing around him silently and Tony didn’t seem distressed anymore. He was just lying in his bed, completely relaxed and blinking hazily. Steve found himself back at his side, the nurses all retreating from the room as they went to find one of his doctors. He fell to his knees, tears in his eyes as he slowly reached up to stroke Tony’s sweaty hair from his forehead.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I did this to you.” Steve whispered to him. Tony’s glazed eyes turned to him and he gave Steve such small and tender smile that he could almost feel his heart breaking at the sight. “You’re gonna be alright. You’re gonna be just fine, you’ll see.”

 

“’eve.” Tony mumbled before yawning softly. The tears started running down his cheeks at the sound of Tony barely able to whisper out his name. Tony was looking around the room slowly, his eyes not able to focus on anything. “Where?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter. More coming soon. Definitely some of the rest of the team to come.  
> Comment please, it motivates and inspires me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super fast update because it's summer vacation and I have this whole story so clear and vivid in my head that I must write.

“Right.” The doctor said. “So you call us if you have any complications with his medication and you’ve already signed on for his physical therapy to take place in your home, they’ll be there almost every day. Be sure to keep him on a set schedule, it’ll ease along his recovery and help him feel more secure in his environment. Any questions?”

 

Steve shook his head and took the clipboard the doctor handed to him. It was his release forms, Tony was finally coming home. He had already given the whole team the same speech, they shouldn’t overwhelm him, shouldn’t be too loud, and shouldn’t crowd him. Tony usually enjoyed flashy parties, he always seemed to thrive when the center of attention, but now was the time for a calm and easy homecoming. They could do all the big stuff when he’s better.

 

He smiled as he handed all the signed paperwork back to her. A nurse had brought in a wheelchair and Bucky was slowly helping Tony into it. He was standing on his own, he could even walk for a bit, and here he was getting into the chair by himself after the nurse instructed him to do so with Bucky’s hands hovering around him in case he lost his balance.

 

“Hey, Stark.” Steve said fondly. “Ready to head home?”

 

“Yes.” Tony said, smiling widely. “Home.”

 

He was relatively alert today, he didn’t lose focus as much and he seemed to understand at least part of what was going on. He didn’t seem aggravated or frightened by anything, it was a good day and hopefully there would be many more to come.

 

Clint was waiting outside the hospital with his car, ready to drive all of them home. He was excited, bouncing on his heels like a toddler with a balloon and a large teddy bear with a heart that said ‘Bear With Me’ shoved into the backseat of his car. He ran up to them as soon as he saw them come out of the entrance, shook hands with the nurse, and took the wheelchair from her before anyone had the time to stop him.

 

“It’s good to have you back, Tones. We’ve been going crazy back at the tower without you. Natasha broke about three televisions and Thor cried once.” Clint said as he slowly pushed Tony’s wheelchair towards his car. “Rhodes came back from wherever he has been last night and is thrilled you’re coming home. Pepper is coming back to New York soon and is probably going to yell at you. Natasha has decided she’s going to make all of your meals in the foreseeable future because she has this weird thing where food equals caring for her but she’ll deny it if you bring it up. We’re all here for you buddy.”

 

The more Clint spoke the wider Tony’s smile became. Steve was relieved. Tony recognized, or at least was relaxed around, their friends. Perhaps a complete change of environment, shifting from the sterile hospital to their home at the tower that was filled with memories, wouldn’t be as difficult as he originally feared. This could work. Things may not go back to the way they were anytime soon, and he was preparing himself for the possibility that things will be different forever, but at least things wouldn’t be too hard on any of them.

 

Steve stepped in to help Tony stand up and support him as he took the last few steps to Clint’s car, the door open and ready for him. He climbed in and immediately scooted into the middle of the seat so he was pressing up against the large teddy bear, his hand lifting up to rub over its fur. Steve sat down next to him and Bucky took the passenger seat.

 

“I got the balloon. It has an elephant on it. The bear was Natasha’s idea. She thought it was hilarious and I told her she could give it to you once we got back, but she thought you should have it as soon as possible.” Clint said.

 

Tony hummed and then glanced over to Steve. “Where?” He asked softly.

 

“Natasha ran to the pharmacy to pick up your perscriptions.” Clint said. 

 

The tower was in view now, close enough to see the details like the giant ‘A’ on the side, the thousands of shining windows, and the very prominent landing pad handing off the side of the building. Tony didn’t so much as glance at it.

 

He looked back at Steve, a small frown crossing his face. Steve leaned over. “We’re in Clint’s car.” He whispered. “You’re coming home from the hospital. You were hurt on a mission.”

 

Tony nodded. He finally looked over to the tower just as Clint started slowing down to pull into the parking garage. Recognition was in his eyes as he smiled at it and reached over to lay his palm on Steve’s arm.

 

The Avengers had a private section of an underground parking garage just below the tower. It had its own special gate that only opened if one of the team’s personal vehicles pulled up to it, the rest of the garage belonged to the tower’s employees. Thor and Bruce were waiting for them by the elevator, a folded up wheelchair in Thor’s hands.

 

“Hey!” Tony called out, pushing the door open quickly. “’m home!”

 

“And you have been greatly missed.” Thor said, a greeting them all with a broad smile. 

 

Tony paused, his eyes growing slightly distant before he nodded to himself. “I know.” He said slowly.

 

He waved away the wheelchair but let Bucky put gentle hands on his elbows to help him walk to the elevator. Thor followed behind eagerly and started to listen intently as Tony began to hum to himself. Clint rushed to get on the elevator as well, the bear and balloon in his hands, before the door closed and they went up towards the living areas. Steve watched them go with a smile. Tony was doing so well.

 

“His verbal skills have improved amazingly.” Bruce said, reaching out to grab Steve’s shoulder and give it a firm, reassuring squeeze. 

 

Steve nodded, his smile quickly growing into an enthused grin. “I know, it’s wonderful. He has gotten to a point where he can manage short sentences. Sometimes it takes him time to think of words or understand what someone else is saying, but he’s getting better every day.” He said quickly. The elevator had come back down and the two of them stepped inside. “Sometimes he makes no sense though. I was combing out his hair before we got ready to come back and he just muttered to himself that ‘a party sucks without hats’. It was adorable, but he’s still really confused by a lot of stuff.”

 

“Understandable.” Bruce said calmly. “He seems to be doing alright today though.”

 

“Yeah, today is a good day.” Steve said. He reached forward and pressed the button for the elevator to take them to the common floor. “I am… relieved. I was so afraid he was going to die on me.”

 

“I have to admit, he had me worried too. I should have known better though. I doubt anything can kill that man.” Bruce said, shaking his head with a soft chuckle. “How are his hands? I know that’s been an issue.”

 

Steve’s smile became stiff. It was an issue, a big one. As the nerve damage around his spine slowly healed the movement had almost fully returned to his arms and wrist. He could move his hand just enough to touch things, but his fingers were still limp and still. Steve was trying to be patient though, the fine motor skills were probably more difficult anyway.

 

He didn’t answer Bruce’s question, instead the elevator door opened. It had been his first time back at the tower since the incident, he had vowed to stay with Tony at the hospital and that’s exactly what he did, although his friends would stop by often to give him clean clothes and take away the dirty ones.

 

It wasn’t exactly what he remembered it. It was almost identical, except for a few of the paintings were now hanging crooked, there were many more stains on the carpets, and the large tv in the living room wasn’t the same. The smell was different too, several scents were missing but Steve figured that with three residents of the tower being gone for a while it made sense.

 

Tony was watching tv, curled up on the couch with the teddy bear behind his back, a blanket pulled up around him, and Bucky pressed against his side. Bucky sat at his feet and Clint sat in the chair next to him, casually flipping through the tv channels with glances to Tony every few seconds. Rhodey was there too, he looked exhausted but relieved as he leaned over the back of the couch and gently ran his hands through Tony’s hair, the man apparently loving that small bits of attention.

 

“Where is everyone?” Steve asked as he walked out into the room.

 

Clint looked up and smiled. “Well, Thor decided that no homecoming is complete without cake and went to get some, Nat’s still at the pharmacy, Wanda disappeared somewhere, and so did Vision because those two are weird.” He said quickly. “We’re all just really glad to have him back though.”

 

“I heard he was having seizures.” Rhodey said, not taking his eyes off of Tony. “Why?”

 

Bucky hummed slowly and shook his head. “What is it called again?” Bucky asked quickly.

 

“The doctor called it Post-Traumatic Epilepsy.” Steve said. “The bad hit to his head messed up his brain a bit. They wanted to do an EEG, see how things were doing in there but someone,” Steve paused to glare at Bucky, who shrugged dismissively. “almost punched the guy in the face for attaching electrodes to Tony’s head and then pulled them off. So his doctor wants to schedule another one later.”

 

“Not gonna happen.” Bucky said.

 

It was a strange experience, Bucky almost always had control over himself and never, not once, had he ever threatened a civilian. He had been completely fine with the idea of an EEG but the moment they started attaching everything to Tony’s head Bucky had pushed everyone away, even Steve, and ripped it off of him, barking out loud Russian phrases that Steve barely understood. Whatever his reasons, he refused to let the doctors put anything electrical on Tony’s head, near it was fine so the MRIs hadn’t been an issue but nothing was allowed to touch Tony’s head. No matter how many times the doctors tried to explain to him that it was just so they could read his brain activity Bucky would continue to look at all of them with suspicion and disgust. They never got anywhere close to reattaching them and the EEG was cancelled. 

 

“They put him on anticonvulsants. It’s handled.” Bucky said firmly. “I just don’t want them doing anything to his head.”

 

“These are trained medical professionals, Buck. They won’t do anything to his head.” Steve said in a calm voice. Bucky just waved him off dismissively. Steve didn’t understand why Bucky was so against it, but he trust he had good reasons. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure no one hurts Tony.”

 

“If Tony needs it then he’ll have one.” Rhodey said firmly, his voice radiating authority. “I outrank both of you so I say Tony gets whatever the doctors thinks he needs. He has amazing insurance and it’s not like he can’t afford it.”

 

Bucky didn’t relax, but didn’t object either. No one had anything else to add so their attention turned back to Tony, who was staring blankly at the tv. Steve doubted he was paying any attention to it, but he looked so calm and peaceful and so damn beautiful that he could look at him for the rest of his life and be perfectly happy.

 

He moved closer to the couch, making sure he was slow and projecting his movements in case Tony became alert and felt threatened. He didn’t though, he just kept staring off into the space near the tv. His mind had checked out, it happened more often than he would like but still less frequently than those first few weeks. Lately it was never for very long, at first Tony’s didn’t appear to be conscious of anything going on around him, only having a few short bursts of awareness. Now it’s the opposite, Tony was focused, if still confused and forgetful, with much less often and very short periods where his mind would wander off completely. Tony didn’t even notice Steve sliding into the seat next to him.

 

Bucky slowly took one of Tony’s hands, the left was still wrapped up in a cast so he held the right one in his larger hand and slowly started tracing the lines of his palm. Rhodey smiled at that. Bucky was always so gentle and caring and Steve wished he had his textbook so he could finally draw that face Bucky made when he held Tony’s hands in his that held nothing but affection. The two of them were beautiful together.

 

Bucky froze, his movements stopping so suddenly that Steve had worried until he followed his gaze to see what had startled him. His metal finger had stopped at the base of Tony’s thumb, the other digits slowly curling around it. Tony was watching it too, his gaze no longer lost and empty but confused and contemplating as he watched his fingers move slowly.

 

Tony hummed softly, a small smile spreading across his face as he glanced up at Steve. He never thought that Tony understood what was happening to him, he never commented or even acted like he was aware of his injuries before. He was certainly aware now because the small, barely there movements to his fingers seemed to surprise him. Steve couldn’t stop himself from rushing forward and landing a soft, gentle kiss to his forehead as he reached out to cup Bucky’s face.

 

Everything was going to be okay. They were home, Tony was getting better, and they were going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise happy chapter because I am capable of such things. Who knew  
> More coming soon. Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter. To those reading any of my other fics, an update is coming soon. I'm sorry I've been neglecting it, it's not forgotten, I've just been getting really into this one. The inspiration is flowing.

It had been a good day bringing Tony home, but a very bad night.  They had put Tony to bed at ten, the usually time he should go to sleep, but after half an hour Tony is still just staring up at the ceiling, blinking slowly, he finally closed his eyes and that was that.  The past few weeks Bucky and Steve had shared a cramped couch pushed against the wall of Tony’s hospital room, they had become used to constant beeps of his heart monitor and the steady sounds of his breathing and it was calming to hear.  They gave it a shot, curled around each other in the guest bedroom right next to Tony’s on his personal floor, but it was too quiet.  The soundproof walls had completely blocked them from being able to hear anything going on in Tony’s room.

 

 

They managed to last an hour, eyes squeezed shut, Steve’s arm thrown over Bucky as they tried to force themselves to sleep.  They even tried fooling around, with Bucky straddling Steve as he sucked marks into his neck and Steve’s thumbs digging into Bucky’s hips.  It never got anywhere though.  They stopped every few minutes to listen just in case any sounds Tony might be making were getting through the walls.

 

 

“You wanna…”  Bucky said slowly, pulling back and dropping down at Steve’s side.  “ go sleep on Tony’s floor?”

 

 

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, that’d be good.”  He said slowly, moving to sit up.  He never would have imagined his life and relationship would turn out in a way where he was perfectly willing to sleep on the floor of Tony Stark’s bedroom with his boyfriend.  “Are we getting too weird about this?”

 

 

“Nah.”  Bucky said.  He shook his head and started grabbing a few pillows as Steve rolled up the comforter to bring to Tony’s room.  “We just want to make sure he’s okay.  It’s perfectly normal.”

 

 

They silently gathered their things and tiptoed over to Tony’s room, pausing just outside the door.  Tony was probably asleep, waking him up would be a disaster.  He wasn’t getting enough sleep as it were and Steve didn’t want to be the one to start medicating him so he would get more rest.  They had given him stuff to help him sleep sometimes at the hospital and the doctors had prescribed something for it, but Steve wanted to see if Tony could sleep on his own first.

 

 

Tony was awake, which wasn’t all that surprising.  What they didn’t expect was for Tony to be sitting up in the middle of his bed, his face buried in his hands, and his body shaking wildly.  If Steve listened carefully he could just make out the soft, barely there sound of sobbing.  He was the first one by Tony’s side, very slowly reaching out to lay a hand on Tony’s back.

 

 

“Are you alright, love?”  Bucky asked softly.  “Tony?”

 

 

Tony didn’t answer, he just curled into himself further, practically laying his head down on the mattress as his legs stayed pinned under him and his face still pressed into his hands.  He didn’t react to Steve’s hand on his back, gently rubbing what he hoped were soothing circles.  Tony was distressed, he needed comfort.  Whatever problem Tony was having he would fix.

 

 

“Tony, what’s wrong?”  Bucky said again, just a bit louder.  Tony’s head lifted slightly, his eyes wide and slightly unfocused as he glanced between Bucky and Steve slowly.

 

 

“What?”  He whispered, his voice slurred.

 

 

Bucky reached forward slowly and stroked his thumb over Tony’s cheekbone.  “You seem upset.  Do you know what’s wrong?”

 

 

It was silent for a few minutes, just the hushed sound of Tony’s rapid breathing filled the air.  He shook his head quickly, deep wrinkles forming in his forehead as he appeared to be lost in thought.  It was almost as if Tony was just as confused about what was going on as they were.

 

 

Then some determined and very sad shown in his eyes and Steve just wanted to curl around Tony protectively and stop anything from bringing that hurt back into his eyes.

 

 

“Quiet.”  Tony muttered.  “Not…”

 

 

Tony jerked away from Steve and Bucky quickly, his eyes wide and fearful.  He stumbled as he made his way towards the edge of the bed.  Steve reached out to help him, to steady him, but the moment his hands landed on Tony’s shoulders the man ran away and shouted.

 

 

“Tony, it’s okay.”  Steve said quickly, raising his hands slowly.  “You’re home.  You were in the hospital for a while because you were injured on a mission.”

 

 

Tony pressed himself against his dresser and leaned on it to hold himself up.  He was shaking, his breathing far too rapid.  He was panicking and Steve didn’t know what to do.  Bucky was standing, a few feet away from Tony.  If they both crowded around him it would just make things worse.  It broke his heart to have Tony looking between them in fear, occasionally glancing at the ceiling.

 

 

“Don’t know.”  Tony whispered softly, barely loud enough to hear.  “Quiet.  Not… He’s gone.  Gone.  Gone.”

 

 

He kept repeating himself, a raspy and desperate manta of _gonegonegonegonegone._   None of it made sense, Tony was on the verge of falling apart.  None of this should be happening, they were home, Tony built this tower he shouldn’t be so upset now that they’re back.  Everything was supposed to be okay now.

 

 

Everything clicked into place when Tony turned his terror filled eyes away from the two of them and glanced desperately up to the ceiling, it was so quick he almost missed it.  Tony wasn’t calmed about them being home because now home was different.  His mind was telling him something should be there when it wasn’t.  Jarvis was gone now, he was quiet, and Tony couldn’t handle it.

 

 

“Tony, sweetheart, Jarvis isn’t gone.”  Steve said slowly.  He stood up from the bed as Bucky took a single, small step forward so he was close enough to get to Tony if something happened but far enough away so he wasn’t crowding him.  Tony was looking back at the two of them now.  “You put Jarvis in a… robot person.  His name is Vision now, he’s really nice.”

 

 

It didn’t even make sense to himself and he had been there.  When Vision was, for lack of a better word, born and it was surprising and startling and if Tony didn’t remember, which wouldn’t surprise him, then of course not having Jarvis here would frighten him.  Bucky took another step forward, close enough to touch, and Tony shouted again.  This time he swiped his arm over the top of the dresser and knocked everything on top of it onto the ground with a loud crash.  There had been picture frames and knickknacks that now lay in shattered heaps at their feet.

 

 

It was glass, there was glass on the floor, Tony wasn’t wearing shoes, and the situation was quickly getting out of hand.  Tony was confused and lost, he needed reassurance, he needed familiarity.  Jarvis was probably the one thing that was always there, a constant presence in Tony’s life that always offered comfort and support and now Tony’s mind can’t process that Jarvis isn’t here anymore.

 

 

Tony took a step away from the dressed, but not towards them.  He was leaning heavily on the wall as he stumbled towards the door.

 

 

“Careful, Tony.  There’s glass.”  Steve said quickly, glancing down at the ground.  Tony nodded absently, but continued following the wall until he reached the door and hobbled out into the living room.  Steve rushed after him while Bucky bent down to pick up the broken shards.  “Tony, what are you doing?”

 

 

Tony just grumbled under his breath.  He pushed himself off the wall and stumbled precariously towards the couch.  Steve reached out to steady him once again, Tony was still too shaky on his feet, too unbalanced to be doing so much walking all at once.  It just startled him again.

 

 

The moment his hand landed on Tony’s shoulder the man jerked away, swinging his arm out towards Steve.  “No!”  He shouted.  The movements threw off his balance and he went crashing to the floor with a soft groan.  Then he simply curled up again, his soft sobs returning.

 

 

“Tony, you’re safe.  It’s alright.”  Steve said softly.  He didn’t know if he should touch Tony again, he seemed very much against anyone touching him at the moment and Steve didn’t want to cause him more panic.  “Tony, please.  Just tell me what to do and I’ll fix it.”

 

 

Tony whined softly, removing one of his arms from around his head to rub it against the hard wood flooring, his fingers sliding along limply without any strength to hold onto anything.  Steve kept reminding himself that he needed to stay calm.  It was just a bad night, he had read all of the pamphlets and educational websites that told him how to best care for Tony, they all had said that during his recovery he could have mood swings, become agitated easily, and fragile memory could make him angry or afraid.  They said it was best to stay calm and remember that it’ll get better because Tony was healing, his mind was piecing itself back together after its injury, and that can take a lot of time and be very stressful for him.  Not everything was going to be as calming and reassuring as relaxed moments returning home.

 

 

Bucky came out of Tony’s room with a large dustpan holding all of the bits of broken glass and promptly dumped it into the nearest trash can.  He then returned to Steve’s side, pressing up against him as they both sat on the floor close enough to Tony to offer comfort when he was ready for it.

 

 

“He’s quiet.”  Tony whispered to himself.  “Gone.  He’s gone.  Gone.”  He slowly started repeating the word again.  He sounded so hurt and afraid that Steve’s heart broke.  He wanted to hold Tony close and tell him it will be alright until he believed it.

 

 

“What do we do?”  Bucky asked.  “He won’t believe us, he misses Jarvis but he’s not here.”

 

 

“Maybe we should find Vision.”  Steve said.  Tony wasn’t paying any attention to them anymore, it was almost as if he had completely forgotten they were there and instead propped his head up against the cast of his left arm while his right continued to rub against the floors.  He was staring blankly at the large windows across the room and quietly muttering to himself.  “Maybe since the voice is the same it’ll help him.”

 

 

“I guess, I never met Jarvis.”  Bucky said slowly.  He hadn’t come back until after the whole Ultron fiasco, hearing only small snippets of stories about Jarvis but too late to actually meet him.  “And he is kinda Jarvis, right?  Like a part of him, Jarvis helped make him.”

 

 

Steve shrugged.  He didn’t know the details, none of it really made sense to him.  “I guess.  He’s not Jarvis, but he’s not… not Jarvis.”  He said slowly.  Vision could definitely help.  “I don’t know where he is.  Honestly, if I needed help finding someone I would usually ask Jarvis.”

 

 

“I’ll go ask Natasha, it’s late but she won’t mind and she knows everything.”  Bucky said, standing quickly.  “I’ll send her up to help you too to help until I find him.”

 

 

“Thank you, Bucky.”  Steve said.  He grabbed on to Buck’s wrinkled t-shirt and pulled him down for a brisk, but loving kiss.  He tried to make it as gentle and full of affection and care as he could, relaxing slightly when he felt Bucky smile against his face.

 

 

Then he pulled back and walked to the elevator.  Being alone with Tony was more terrifying than it should be.  All the initial panic was gone, he didn’t seem afraid or angry anymore.  Now he just seemed so empty and sad that Steve just wanted to curl around him all over again.  He reached out slowly and laid a gentle hand on Tony’s shoulder.  He didn’t jerk away, didn’t even blink.

 

 

Steve decided to go a step further and wrap his arm under Tony’s shoulders.  He also didn’t react to that, staring off into nothing with only soft mutterings, and everything stayed calm even as he carefully picked Tony up into his arms and settled him against his chest.  Tony moved then, curling his head up underneath Steve’s chin and quickly blinked fresh tears from his eyes.

 

 

“Where?”  He muttered softly.

 

 

“We’re home, Tony.  Bucky and I are taking care of you.”  He said slowly.  He pressed a soft kiss into Tony’s hair, his hands moving up to gently rub gentle circles once again on Tony’s back.  “You were in the hospital for a while.  You were hurt on a mission, it was my fault.”

 

 

Tony paused at that.  “You’re fault?”  He asked.

 

 

Steve nodded.  “It was an accident.  I made the wrong call on the mission, I sent you in to rescue hostages that weren’t real.  You got hurt.”

 

 

“Oh.”  Tony said.  He closed his eyes as Steve started to hum to him again, the only song he was capable of bringing to mind while trying to care for Tony.  He didn’t sound mad, Steve almost wished he had.  Tony was allowed to be mad, Steve had almost destroyed him and his only method of making amends is to try to help nurse him back to health and he was doing such a terrible job that he didn’t even know how to comfort Tony.  He would be angry soon though.  Tony didn’t understand yet, but he will and then he’ll push Steve away, disgusted and hurt because he had done this to him.  That would be his punishment.  He deserved to be hated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of everyone the next chapter. I love everyone, Pepper's going to be coming back soon so yes everyone.  
> I hoped you like the chapter. Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how I feel about this chapter but more stuff will happen next chapter. I promise. I love you guys.

It had been a long night with constant ups and downs. One moment Tony would be quiet and unresponsive and the next he would scream, knock over furniture, and break anything close to him. Natasha was exceptionally well with handling the entire situation, which Steve didn’t find surprising at all. She knew when to keep her distance and when to step in. Sometimes Tony needed space and sometimes he needed to be comforted. She was amazing at picking these things up and it helped calm Tony down completely until he had finally curled up around Steve and fell asleep.

 

“You’re good with him.” Natasha said. She was sitting in a plush chair by the bedroom window, watching the sun just start to show itself over the tops of the tall buildings in the city. 

 

Steve would have laughed if Tony hadn’t been pressed up against him. Tony had had a rough night, he needed to sleep. “I’m really not that great with him. I have no idea what I’m doing.” Steve whispered softly. “I don’t know how to help him.”

 

“Well, you seem to be doing something right.” She said. Steve sighed and shook his head. How can he be doing anything right when on the first night Tony is home he panics for hours? “No, really, you are. Remember, we all came to visit at the hospital almost every day, but you were the one who was constantly there and helping him through the healing process. Bucky too. I can see it, he’s been doing so much better and I think the fact that you guys are always there for him is helping him.”

 

Steve didn’t say anything. Tony needed help, he needed constant care and support and Steve would be willing to give him everything, but he had no idea he was actually helping. There was a very real possibility that Steve was just doing more damage than he had already done. Natasha stated that he seemed to be helping, but she didn’t know everything. He could be making everything worse and not even realizing it yet.

 

He reached up slowly and started running his fingers through Tony’s hair. It had grown out the past few months and was now a mess of dark curls, Steve wouldn’t have been able to guess that not too long ago that hair had been neatly trimmed and styled. His beard was growing out too, its usual well-kept appearance had long disappeared into a small and sloppy beard with a few gaps in the hair where the skin had healed over into small scars where no hair would grow. He would need a haircut and shave soon.

 

Tony adjusted himself slightly, his face pressing deeper into Steve’s neck and one of his arms falling off of his shoulders. He was asleep, which was good considering how horrible the night had gone. He still had a few hours before he had to start the day, Steve almost didn’t want it to come. He certainly didn’t want to have to wake him up again. Until nine o’clock rolled around he would stay sitting up in bed and make sure nothing woke Tony up before it was time.

 

A soft knock on the door drew his attention, Bucky standing there and smiling warmly at them. Vision stood just behind him. Steve put a finger to his lips, silently hoping both of them wouldn’t be too loud. Bucky nodded and stepped into the room, turning to Vision slightly to whisper to him. Bucky crawled in next to Steve delicately, he didn’t touch Tony until he was settled and no longer at risk of jostling him awake. Vision started floating by the windows as the sun rose steadily higher.

 

Within minutes Bucky had fallen asleep too, his head was resting on Steve’s chest and he had an arm thrown over Tony’s waste. Under the weight of the two of them, their warmth pressed up against him, he felt calmer. All the doubts still whirring in his head, but it was comforting to see the two men he cared about the most fast asleep after a long and tiring night. It was peaceful and he found himself drifting off as well.

 

Then the alarm clock went off, a loud shrill that woke them all with a start. Steve sat up quickly, accidently knocking Bucky off the bed and Tony rolled off of him and onto the mattress. He chuckled as Bucky’s head popped up from the side of the bed and Tony whined softly as he dug the heel of his palm into his eyes.

 

“Good morning guys. It’s nine, time to start the day.” Steve mumbled as he leaned over to turn off the alarm.

 

“But we just went to sleep.” Bucky said, his voice raspy. “It’s a sin to be awake this early.”

 

“Well, we didn’t get to sleep until real late.” Steve said. He stood up and stretched, smiling as Natasha whispered from her chair. Vision was still floating by the window. “Did you guys get any sleep?”

 

Natasha nodded. “A bit. I’ll probably go take a nap later.” She said calmly and gave Tony a soft smile when he rolled over to look at her. “Half the night I was cleaning up your messes and making sure my favorite boys stayed alive and healthy. I would do it again, but nap first.”

 

She leaned over and kissed Tony’s forehead, her smile widening as she saw the telltale blush that crept onto his cheeks. Tony never used to blush and had always complained about the constant bits of affection Natasha gave the team, forehead kisses, cheek pats, and gentle squeezes on the shoulder. Tony was the only one who ever mentioned it and it was always to complain, if his light blush meant what Steve though it meant then he really did like that physical affection she always offered.

 

“Call me if you need anything.” Natasha said as she pulled away. Steve nodded. She reached over and lightly petted Bucky’s hair before turning to leave.

 

Steve nodded and watched her leave. Bucky had crawled back onto the bed and had his face buried into Tony’s shirt, humming softly as limp fingers dragged themselves through his hair and muttering softly to himself about how getting up so early was a crime against nature.

 

“Come on boys. It’s time to get up, Tony has a big day today.” Steve said. He crawled into bed slowly and reached for Bucky’s head. He was always difficult to wake up and since Tony’s schedule required him to be up bright and early around the same time every day they all had to put up with morning Bucky’s whining and groaning. He kissed softly at the back of his neck. “You don’t want Tony to miss his physical therapy, do you?”

 

“No.” Bucky muttered.

 

Tony smiled at the two of them, his eyes darting down to look at Bucky with his head still pressed against Tony’s shirt and then back up at Steve who was trying to coax him out of bed lovingly.

 

“Hungry.” Tony said. 

 

Bucky sighed loudly at that and moved to get up. He didn’t say anything as he pushed Steve off of him and helped Tony stand. Steve was smiling ear to ear as he watched the two of them move slowly up and out of the bedroom. Bucky was always gentle with Tony, always caring and easy and if anyone was really helping Tony it was him.

 

“Will you be joining us for breakfast?” Steve asked, turning towards Vision.

 

Vision turned, his attention going away from the view of the city and over to Steve. “Would you like me to?” He said slowly. Steve shrugged. “Do you still wish for me to speak with Anthony?”

 

“Yeah. He seems calmer now, which is a miracle because Nat and I practically went all night trying to stop him from breaking things and getting hurt. Those few hours he slept must have helped him relax.” Steve said, scratching the back of his neck. “I’d still be more comfortable if you did talk to him though. He misses Jarvis, doesn’t understand why he’s not answering. His memory isn’t as great as it used to be and although it’s all slowly coming back and he’s getting a bit better every day, there is still so many things that he can’t wrap his head around. Maybe if you’ll talk to him and explain things he’ll be more comfortable with the idea of not having Jarvis around anymore.”

 

Steve was getting flustered as he spoke. There was no guarantee that this would work and there was also a chance that this would just make things worse. Now that he was thinking about it, no one knew what was going on inside Tony’s head. The thought was now stuck in Steve’s mind. What if everything was so much worse than how it seemed? Tony could be on the verge of panic at all times, afraid and confused because he didn’t know what was happening or what they were doing to help him, and had just been trying to hide it all.

 

Vision reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “I will do what I can.”

 

“Thank you.” Steve whispered. “We should head out there before Tony convinces Bucky to make a hundred chocolate chip pancakes. It actually happened once. No one can eat a hundred pancakes. I made them both take them down to the local shelter.” Steve was rambling, but the memory seemed so fresh in his mind. It had happened just a few months ago back when everything was normal and okay.

 

When they went out into the kitchen Bucky was standing at the stove with a large skillet and a few dozen egg shells on the floor and counters around him. Wanda and Pepper were there too, whispering quietly to each other as they braided Tony’s hair, which was just long enough to be french braided with many loose strands of hair sticking up at odd angles. Tony didn’t seem to mind, his focus was on Bucky as he cooked.

 

“Hey, Pepper. I didn’t know you were back.” Steve said, walking up to her. Pepper smiled brightly at him and gave him a firm hug.

 

“I got back last night. When I heard Tony was getting to come home I managed to get all my meetings to be here instead of LA so I can come check on him.” She said. She grabbed on to the sides of Steve’s head so she could pull him down to kiss his cheek, although her heels gave her several more inches in height Steve was still taller. “Thank you for taking care of him. I know he can be a handful but he really seems to be doing okay.”

 

“It was no trouble at all.” Steve said quickly. Pepper was seeing it too. If Tony was really doing okay then she would know. Last night could have just been a little hiccup and things were going to be okay now. “I’m glad you’re here.”

 

Pepper’s smile grew strained as she looked back at Tony. “I know you said you wanted to take care of him and I really do appreciate it, but if it ever becomes too much just let me know and I can hire someone to fill in.” She said. “I have a lot of fantastic people lined up just in case.”

 

“Thank you, Pepper, I’ll think about it.” Steve said, frowning slightly. “He’s really fine though, I couldn’t imagine leaving him for anything.”

 

“Won’t be necessary.” Bucky said as he dropped a plateful of eggs and assorted vegetables in front of Tony. “We’re taking real good care of him. He’s fine with us. No strangers for him.”

 

Pepper looked back to Steve, who shrugged dismissively. Bucky was a natural at caretaking, even if Steve had no idea what he was doing or if he was messing things up completely he could trust Bucky. Pepper sighed and went back to stand next to Wanda.

 

The scene in front of him calmed him completely. Bucky was feeding Tony, carrying forkfuls of eggs up to his mouth and trying to get him to eat. Tony’s hands were lying limply in his lap, both of them deathly still except for a slight twitch to his knuckles. His hair was ridiculous with the half-finished braids and Wanda was still trying to coax it into a more manageable hairstyle.

 

Steve gestured for Vision to sit in the stool next to Tony. Vision went willingly with a small nod and stared at Tony, who hadn’t even noticed his presence. No one wanted to force an interaction so none of the room’s other occupants said a thing, Tony was focused on eating and Bucky just kept on feeding him until his plate was empty.

 

Instead Steve walked up to Wanda. This is the second time she had come to visit Tony willingly and it was very suspicious considering she claimed to hate the man. She probably wasn’t here to hurt him, she could do that easily even with all these people in the room, the thought didn’t comfort Steve at all, but here she was trying to braid his hair that was long enough to go into braids but short enough to look absolutely horrible with them.

 

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, coming up right next to her. Pepper frowned at him, muttering about how rude he was being, and Wanda simply smiled. “You hate Tony.”

 

“Yes.” She said simply as she started using her fingers to comb out a braid that turned out particularly bad.

 

“Then why are you messing with him?” Steve asked slowly. If she was trying to trick Tony in some way, make him feel safe with her so she could hurt him later then Steve would have to step in. She could leave the tower, go home or back to the new Avengers facility, he wouldn’t hurt her but he refused to allow Tony to be in any kind of danger.

 

Wanda chuckled. “I won’t hurt him. I’m not as bitter as I used to be.” She said. She stepped to the side as Tony turned his head to look at Vision, suddenly aware of his presence.

 

Steve took a step closer to her and whispered softly. “Then why are you here? Usually when you hate people you want to spend as little time as possible with them.”

 

She nodded. “True.” Wanda said. She managed to get the last bit of Tony’s hair into a small and short braid that almost stuck straight out. “But he has been very confused and worried, it calms him to have his hair played with.”

 

“How would you know?” Steve said quickly. Wanda smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Okay, fine. Mental manipulation or whatever. Don’t you know it’s rude to read people’s mind?”

 

With a slight shrug she went back to Tony’s hair, brushing it all out again with her fingers and starting over. “It just happens sometimes.” She whispered back to him. Steve hadn’t noticed, but they had both been having a quiet discussion right next to each other that no one else seemed to be paying attention to. It was probably for the better. “Like I know you’re nervous about taking care of him. Don’t worry, he trusts you. He thinks you’re safe. That’s probably a good thing.”

 

Steve turned away from her, not wanting to listen anymore. She wasn’t a threat, but he still didn’t understand why she seemed to care. Bucky had left a plate of eggs on the counter for him that was steadily growing cold. He went over and picked at it, popping a few pieces into his mouth and humming. It was delicious, Bucky always was an amazing cook.

 

“Not Jarvis?” A soft voice said behind him. Steve turned to look, suddenly aware of the conversation that had been going on and he hadn’t noticed. Tony was squinting suspiciously at Vision and Bucky was staring at the two of them with a fork hanging from his mouth. Wanda was still standing behind Tony, his hair in her hands, and Pepper had glanced up from her phone quickly before her eyes darted back down.

 

“No, Anthony, I am not Jarvis.” Vision said calmly, a fond smile playing on his lips. “But he is not gone.”

 

Tony seemed to only be more confused by the statement, but thankfully not panicked or afraid like he was last night. “Where did he go?” Tony’s voice was soft but firm, he didn’t seem afraid. He seemed curious. “Gone?”

 

Vision shook his head. “He is not gone. He has become a part of me.”

 

Tony frowned. The creases of his forehead were getting more prominent as the conversation continued. He wasn’t understanding, but something in Vision’s voice must have been calming for him because he didn’t show any signs of repeating the events of last night. They should probably finish this up soon.

 

“Gone.” Tony said simply, looking up to the ceiling with sorrow filled eyes. “Gone.”

 

“Well, we better get going.” Steve said quickly, cutting in and gaining everyone’s attention. “Tony’s occupational therapist will be by in about an hour and we still need to get him dressed. Then we have a meeting with the doctor who’s working on Tony’s walking, I think they want to use the pool to help with his balance.”

 

“Yeah, we should get ready.” Bucky said, nodding along. He walked around the kitchen island and helped Tony up from his seat. He gently started leading him from the kitchen. “Come on, sweetheart. You got a big day today.”

 

Steve smiled at everyone left in the kitchen. They didn’t seem at all perplexed by Bucky and Tony’s sudden disappearance, in fact they all seemed rather understanding. Pepper came over to give him one last kiss on the cheek before leaving with the promise to stop by again later that day to see Tony.

 

“I think it went well.” Vision said, smiling brightly at Steve. “I would very much like to speak with Anthony again when you think it appropriate.”

 

“I would like that.” Steve said. Wanda came over and grabbed Vision’s arm. “Thank you for your help.” Wanda pulled Vision up from his seat and over to the elevator with a quick wave goodbye. 

 

Steve went back to Tony’s room and stopped in the doorway to watch as Tony’s complete focus was on Bucky as he dug through the drawers of his dresser looking for clothes. The scene looked entirely too domestic, too calm, and too precious. Tony had a soft smile on his face as Bucky dug out shirts and let them fall to the floor and Bucky cheered in triumph as he pulled out an oversized t-shirt that looked very comfortable. They were both alright.

 

“Hey, Buck. We should get Tony a haircut soon too.” Steve said. “You were always better with scissors.”

 

Bucky nodded as he went over to Tony to help him out of his pajama shirt and into the one he picked out. Tony seemed happy enough, everyone said that Tony appeared to be doing alright, and Steve would have to find a way to trust that.

 

Tony grumbled as Bucky started taking the braids out of his hair, it needed to be combed before the therapists started to arrive. “Steve.” Tony said in a long whine as he leaned away from the comb in Bucky’s hand. Steve laughed softly and shook his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. It's a bit of a nice little bonding moment for all of them. We'll get back to the plotty stuff next. Thank you for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who starts her summer class tomorrow?  
> It's me.

Sundays were a break from the usual tight schedule.  Every moment of every day was planned out perfectly to be almost identical to the day before.  It was for Tony, to help him feel safe and secure in knowing how the day was supposed to go.  But on Sundays no physical therapists would come, no doctors.  It wasn’t surprising that Steve woke up so late in the day.

 

 

“It’s almost noon.”  He mumbled as he glanced up at the clock.  He didn’t expect a reply, he was usually up first.  He reached behind him to shake Bucky awake.  “It’s your turn to make breakfast, baby.”

 

 

His hand met nothing but cool sheets.  He lifted his head again to look around.  Bucky wasn’t there.  All the blankets had been piled up on Steve, leaving Bucky’s side of the bed bare.  Odd.

 

 

Tony wasn’t in his room either.  His bed was made with such military efficiency that no one in the Tower’s cleaning service had ever been able to imitate so Bucky must have gotten Tony up.  They were probably in the kitchen together.  Steve smiled and shook his head, he didn’t want to think of the mess they were making.

 

 

In the kitchen there certainly was a mess, dishes were lying on every counter and different colored batter was splattered on almost every surface.  There was also a cold plate of strawberry pancakes sitting on the island next to a post-it note with Steve’s name and a bunch of hearts on it.  No Bucky or Tony though and they hadn’t been in the living room when he walked by.

 

 

“Relax, Rogers.  They’re around.”  Steve whispered to himself.  He could feel the tension building, his muscles tightened and his stomach started doing backflips as he listened to the overwhelming silence of the apartment.  He had never woken up to find them not there.

 

 

There was another mess on the kitchen floor as well.  Pooled around one of the stools was a pile of brown hair.  Something was off about it.  They had talked about getting Tony’s hair cut, it was getting a bit unruly and his hair was unrecognizable from what it used to be.  Still, something was off about it.

 

 

He grabbed his phone quickly, trying to ignore all the scenarios popping into his head that involved villains and kidnappings and the two of them lying dead in a ditch.  Tony wasn’t ready to handle an attack, his body still didn’t move quite like it should.  Bucky could handle it though, Bucky can protect Tony.

 

 

He texted Natasha, she usually knew where everyone was.  It was a habit of hers to make sure she knew where everyone close to her was located, no matter if they were sitting next to her or on the other side of the world.  If she didn’t know Steve wasn’t sure if it was a defense mechanism for her or a habit that calmed her, but it was helpful now.

 

 

Steve didn’t have to wait long for her response that calmly told him that they were down in Tony’s workshop.  He blinked a few times, staring at the words on his phone as if it was a language he didn’t recognize.  They had yet to take Tony back down to his workshop, Tony never asked and he had never thought of it.

 

 

The next thing he knew he was in the elevator, his body a mass of nervous energy.  If Tony had asked to go down to the workshop then this was wonderful.  He was remembering, focusing, he was with reality enough to know where his favorite place was instead of his usual confused disinterest with his location.

 

 

The elevator doors slid open and a smile broke across.  Tony was sitting in a seat in the middle of the workshop, all of his robots were spinning around him and occasionally rushing forward to run their metal claws up Tony’s back, down his arms, or through his hair.  He looked completely comfortable and happy, a look Steve hadn’t seen on Tony in months.

 

 

His hair was cut short, a bit shorter than his pre-injury hairstyle but it still looked good.  His face was clean shaven too, there wasn’t even a goatee.  Steve glanced over to the couch in search of Bucky, his smile growing stiff as soon as he saw him.

 

 

“What happened to your hair?”  Steve said quickly, walking across the workshop and stopping in front of Bucky.

 

 

“I cut it.”  He said.  He reached up and ran a hand through his now short hair and eyed Steve cautiously.  “You were asleep and you’ve been looking so exhausted lately that we just decided not to wake you.  So I made breakfast and cut Tony’s hair, shaved his face, and then I decided to cut my own hair.  Do you like it?”

 

 

Steve couldn’t stop staring at Bucky.  He both hated and loved it.  The shorter hair was so much like the hair Bucky used to have, back before the war, before HYDRA.  It was like a familiar, warm memory had resurfaced and was standing in front of him.  It didn’t feel right trying to associate the look with the Bucky he had now.  Things were different now, he had gotten so used to Bucky’s long hair, running his fingers through it, laughing whenever they were lying down and leaned close to kiss him and his hair would tickle his face, and pressing his nose against it while they slept at night and breathing in Bucky’s scent.

 

 

Steve tried not to frown.  “Do you like it, Buck?”  He said slowly.  “It’s your hair.”

 

 

“I don’t like it.”  Tony called out from his seat.  The concern written on Bucky’s face melted away into something fond.  “Grow it out again.”

 

 

“I’ll consider it, love.”  Bucky said to him, returning Tony’s wide smile.  He looked back to Steve, his smile softer.  “What do you think?”

 

 

Steve sat down next to Bucky and threw his arm over his shoulders to pull him close.  “I think you look good no matter what.”  He said as he leaned over to kiss his cheek, Bucky hummed.

 

 

“I thought you would like it.”  Bucky muttered.  Steve frowned, his lips still lightly brushing across Bucky’s cheekbone.

 

 

He pulled back slowly, his mind racing from one thing to another, unable to grasp on to one thought for too long.  “Wait.  Is that why?”  He asked slowly.  Bucky tilted his head to the side in confusion.  “Did you cut it because you thought I would like it?”

 

 

Bucky shrugged.  “Well, yeah.”

 

 

Steve shook his head and reached out quickly to take Bucky’s face in his hands.  “No way, baby doll.  I love you no matter what your hair looks like.  I would have preferred you do your hair how you like it to look.”  He said as he placed a gentle kiss on Bucky’s soft lips, hoping he could communicate how much love and affection he felt for him in such a simple gesture.  “I love you for you doll, not your hair.”

 

 

Bucky chuckled.  “You’re such a sap.”

 

 

They all fell into a silent state of peaceful happiness.  Tony was basking in the attention of his bots, who had all apparently missed him very much.  Dum-E tried to hand him a screwdriver and waited patiently as Tony stared at it with a thoughtful expression on his face and slowly reached out to take it.  Steve could feel his heart soar as Tony’s fingers slowly wrapped around it, some a bit more flexible and his other fingers barely curving at all, but the screwdriver was still in his hand.  As soon as Dum-E let go of it the screwdriver fell from Tony’s hand and onto the ground.

 

 

Tony didn’t pay any attention to the screwdriver after that and instead started to spin in circles in his chair.  All of the bots seemed thrilled with that and started spinning with him.  Everything seemed so peaceful and happy, far more relaxed than the past few months.  It was certainly better than it had been, even better than last night which had been another difficult one.  They were better at handling it though, were better at reading the signs that indicated when Tony wanted to be comforted and when he wanted to be left alone.  Bad nights went a lot smoother now and good days like this one were more often.

 

 

Steve leaned over and laid his head down on Bucky’s shoulder.  “Not to sound possessive or anything, feel free to hit me if I am, but I was a bit scared waking up and not knowing where you guys were.  I didn’t know if you were safe.”  He whispered softly.  “I’m sorry.  I’ve just never woken up and had neither of you there.  Not for a long time anyway.”

 

 

“It’s fine, love.”  Bucky said, kissing the top of his head.  “We’ll leave a note next time.  Just after I finished cutting our hair Tony got really excited about the workshop and I didn’t want to be the guy to tell him we couldn’t go.”

 

 

Steve laughed.  It made sense, Tony used to make plans on a whim all the time so it was nice to see a bit of that again.  Right here in the workshop had always been where Tony was most comfortable, happiest, and carefree.  He looked it now, after months in recovery and finally showing an interest in coming back.  Now that he was thinking about it, they should have probably brought him down sooner.  He still couldn’t do much here, but it was his safe space.

 

 

Bucky had gone back to watching Tony, Steve peeked up quickly to look at him.  It was strange, seeing his shorter hair falling across his forehead much like it used to do when they were stupid young kids sharing an apartment in Brooklyn.  He looked almost exactly the same, all the tension in his face drained away as he smiled fondly about the room, making him look so much younger and so very similar to the boy Steve had grown up with.  It didn’t feel the same.

 

 

“I’m going back to see my old therapist again.”  Bucky muttered.  Steve raised an eyebrow.  “I’ve been… missing the last few appointments.  I think I should head back.  You’ll be fine on your own for a while?”

 

 

Steve smiled and leaned over to kiss lightly at Bucky’s neck.  It was strange to not have to brush his hair out of the way to get to the skin, but more manageable he supposed.  “I love you, Buck.  I just want you to be happy.”

 

 

“I am happy.  Being with you and Tony is actually a lot more fulfilling that I would have imagined.  I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he doesn’t need us anymore and we move back to our floor.”  Bucky said calmly.  Steve’s smile fell.  That hadn’t occurred to him.  The thought of leaving Tony didn’t sit well with him.  “I just still have things I need to work out.”

 

 

Steve nodded.  He understood.  No one could go through what Bucky did for 70 years and not come out with some baggage.  He was proud of him, during the first few months after Steve managed to bring him back to the tower Bucky had refused to talk to anyone.  He had hidden his problems until he was bursting at the seams and Tony had talked him through every one of his panic attacks with practiced ease.  No one talked about it, Tony didn’t ask what had upset him and Bucky didn’t ask how he knew how to help him through his panic and Steve had watched the two of them become friends.

 

 

He never thanked Tony for helping take care of Bucky until those first few months were over and Bucky agreed to speak with a professional, which made his recovery seem a bit faster and easier until everyone seemed to finally relax and the tower settled back into a natural state. 

 

Bucky was going back, he was going to keep on taking care of himself, and that made Steve very happy.

 

 

“Steve.”  Tony whispered, causing Steve and Bucky to look over.  Tony was staring up at the ceiling with a deep furrow to his eyebrows.  “Is he mad at me?”

 

 

The calm spell that had covered the workshop had been broken suddenly by reality, forcing its way through and reminding them all their responsibilities.  This was Tony’s safe space and now it too was corrupt by the evidence of what Steve had done.  Jarvis wasn’t here either and Tony didn’t know why.  He rose quickly and walked across the room to Tony, resting his hands on his shoulders and giving what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

 

 

“No, Tony.  Jarvis isn’t mad at you.”  Steve said calmly.  Tony nodded and turned to look at Steve in confusion.  “He’s not here anymore.  You put him in an android called Vision.”

 

 

“Oh.”  Tony said.  “Where is he?”

 

 

“Vision?”  Steve asked.  Tony nodded.  “I think he’s still in the tower.  Would you like us to call him up?”

 

 

Tony nodded again.  Steve looked back at Bucky, who already had his phone out and was tapping away on the screen.  “He’ll meet us upstairs.”  Bucky muttered without looking up.

 

 

“Okay.  Tony are you ready to go back up?”  Steve asked.  It was Tony’s choice.  Sundays didn’t have a schedule, they didn’t have to plan the day around doctors and appointments.  Tony got to choose what he wanted to do and when.  Tony smiled and nodded.  “Do you want me to help you walk to the elevator or do you want to be carried?”

 

 

It was a common question for them.  Sometimes Tony wanted to walk and grumbled each time someone tried to help him stand or stopped him from falling over, his bursts of independence making it difficult for him to stay upright.  Other times he loved being carried, usually getting piggyback rides from one place to another as he bathed in the feeling of being babied.

 

 

“Carried.  I’m tired.”  Tony said, grinning smugly up at him.  He raised his arms as Steve turned around and knelt down.

 

 

Once Tony was on his back they made their way out of the workshop and into the elevator to head up to Tony’s penthouse.  They had spent a few hours down there, all of them in either hushed conversation or enjoying the opportunity to see Tony happy and enthusiastic surrounded by his machines.

 

 

“I don’t like it.”  Tony said, lifting his hand to drop it on the top of Bucky’s head.  “You should grow it out again.”

 

 

“I probably will.  I looked great with long hair.”  Bucky said, smiling up at Tony.

 

 

“It was a good look.”  Tony said.

 

 

Steve couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face.  Tony was practically flirting and it was a beautiful thing to hear.

 

 

The elevator doors slid open once they arrived on Tony’s floor, Vision was already waiting for him.  Oddly enough he was cleaning up the mess that all of them had neglected in the kitchen.  All the hair, Tony and Bucky’s different shades of brown, and all the splattered pancake batter were cleaned up and not a sign of them were left.  The plate of pancakes was left on the island.

 

 

Steve carried Tony over to where Vision was stacking the dirty bowls in the sink and waited for him to finish.  Tony had started swinging his feet slowly but didn’t say a thing, either his mind had wandered or he was also waiting.  Vision turned around finally and smiled at them.

 

 

“Is your home always in such a state?  I have learned that leaving food out could cause infestations.”  Vision asked.

 

 

“Not usually.  Bucky made breakfast and didn’t clean up.”  Steve said loudly and ignored Bucky’s annoyed muttering behind him.  He tilted his head to get a better look at the man still hanging on to his back.  “Tony, this is Vision.”

 

 

Tony wiggled around to indicate that he was ready to be put down.  Very carefully Steve lowered him onto the floor and steadies him, slowly trying to maneuver him to stand in front of Vision.  Tony looked Vision over carefully.

 

 

“You’re Jarvis?”  He asked, sounding rather skeptic.  Steve let go and smiled as Vision’s hands darted forward to hold him when Tony wobbled.

 

 

“I am not Jarvis.”  Vision said calmly.  “But Jarvis is a part of me.  We have met before, Anthony.”

 

 

“We did?”  Tony asked, suddenly more confused than already.  He glanced back at Steve, who was slowly trying to back up until he was standing next to Bucky near the couch.  Steve nodded encouragingly, a smile breaking out on his face as he felt Bucky’s hands curl around his waist.

 

 

“Yes.  Just last week.  I do understand your memory has been affected by your injury, but do not worry.  I have looked into it and your chances of recovering most of your mental capacity are very high with the possibility of some lasting, but manageable, residual effects.”  Vision said calmly.  Steve froze, he didn’t know how Tony would react to that.  It wasn’t necessarily a wrong thing to say but it wasn’t very comforting either.

 

 

Tony simply laughed.  “You’re Jarvis.  Mostly the same.”  He said smugly, a hint of pride in his tone.

 

 

“I am not Jarvis.”  Vision said.  Tony shrugged and then leaned forward until he was resting his head on Vision’s shoulder. 

 

 

Steve felt elated.  Tony didn’t interact with nearly enough people and he got along with even fewer.  Here he was practically making a friend, sure he was a bit misguided, not fully understanding what Vision means when he said he wasn’t Jarvis, but Steve didn’t understand that either.

 

 

He spun around, Bucky’s hands still on his waist, and planted a firm kiss onto his boyfriend’s lips.  They were soft and warm, opening up for him without hesitation.  Everything was alright.  Tony was getting better, Bucky was going to take care of himself, and soon Steve was content in knowing the two men he loved most would one day be alright.

 

 

Steve’s heart felt like it had skipped a beat when the thought crossed his mind.  He had thought about loving Tony often, Tony was his best friend besides Bucky, but that love and affection had always been wrapped in layers of friendship and platonic comradery that Steve hadn’t noticed the shift until now.  He loved Tony, probably had for a long time, and not just as his best friend, something had been altered along the way and that seed of affection that was planted somewhere deep in his heart when Tony gave the team everything, his home and all of his resources, had bloomed into something he had not intended.  Somewhere a line had been crossed, back when Steve had stopped calling Tony ‘Stark’ and instead started using his first name.

 

 

Bucky hummed and started sucking on his bottom lip and Steve almost wanted to pull back, disgusted with himself.  This had to be why Bucky was afraid, back then at the hospital when Steve didn’t understand.  Originally he had assumed that he was afraid that as Steve got swept away trying to take care of his best friend he would forget about Bucky, which would have never happened.  He didn’t realize Bucky was afraid of anything romantic popping up between them.  And he had joked about it too, back then.  He had admitted to loving Tony, not truly understanding the true weight of his words, and he had been truthful about it even if it was taken differently.  Now it was too late, he couldn’t take it back.  He couldn’t tell Bucky he didn’t love Tony in that way because now he did.

 

 

It felt wrong.  Tony was injured.  He didn’t understand where he was or what was happening most of the time.  Steve felt like he was taking advantage of the situation all of a sudden.  He would never do anything, not like that, not when Tony didn’t understand.  He didn’t know how this happened.  He didn’t know how he went from the switch of confidant friendly affection to the same overwhelming heat under his skin he felt when he thought of Bucky.  It could have been how needed Steve felt with him, how open and caring all of Tony’s smiles had become, and how it felt to have Bucky by his side while the three of them were together. 

 

 

He knew two things were certain though, he would never leave Bucky for anyone but wouldn’t stop him if Bucky decided to leave if he ever found out about how his thoughts have shifted, and that he did not deserve to love Tony.  Not after what he had done to the man.  Steve didn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, Steve realized his feelings. It's certainly different from where it was in the beginning, but not by much. He didn't have to go far from being in Friendship Love to being in Romantically Interested Love.  
> I hope you like it. If it doesn't make sense let me know because it's late and I'm not 100% sure I make sense when it's late.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter.  
> Also, it was MCU Tony's birthday a few days ago. I should probably mention it sometimes.

Tony sat idly by the pool, his legs hanging in the water, slowly kicking back and forth, and his right hand curled loosely into his shirt.  Steve kept a close eye on him.  The physical therapist said that the pool can significantly help Tony’s balance and get his strength up to walk farther on his own.  It didn’t help that Tony was reluctant to get in the pool, him simply sitting by it with his legs in the water was the closest Steve had ever seen him.  The choice was his, they all had told him that if he didn’t want to go in no one would make him.

 

 

He had been confidant that he would do it all the way up to the point where they actually walked up to the water.  Then he just sat quietly watching the ripples on the surface that appeared each time he kicked his legs.  The whole team, minus Bucky because he had gone back to therapy today, was in the pool room, all of them either sitting on the sidelines with Steve and relaxing in the chairs laid out there or they were swimming in the deep end and away from where Tony and his therapist was.  They were all ready to jump forward the moment they were needed.

 

 

“He’s doing alright.”  Bruce said, laid out in the chair next to him.  It wasn’t a question, just a simple statement of fact.  Bruce was there when Tony was in a coma, when he woke up, and through most of the healing process.  That coupled with his medical knowledge, far greater than Steve’s, his opinion on this was reassuring.  “Is he dressing himself now?”

 

 

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, he’s been relearning a lot of stuff.  It’s good to see him do things he used to do.  He can shower by himself now too, but a chair is in there in case he can’t stand for very long.”  Steve said slowly.  As Tony was getting his life back on track, able to do things on his own, he had become more eager to regain his independence.  He had no problem with Bucky waking him up in the morning, carefully combing out his hair, and fixing him breakfast.  He also had no problem with Steve occasionally carrying him when he was tired or answering all the questions Tony had when he was confused and needed comfort.  “He’s picking out his own clothes too.”

 

 

It was obvious that Steve and Bucky didn’t help pick out his clothes.  Steve always dressed him in light colors that went well together, Bucky always picked clothes that were dark and not too flashy.  For their trip to the pool, Tony decided to wear a bright orange t-shirt and blue swim trunks.  The outfit clothes clashed terribly, but it didn’t look all that bad on him.  Tony actually looked great.

 

 

“You’re doing a great job with him.”  Bruce said.

 

 

Steve sighed, but didn’t comment.  He didn’t feel like he was doing a good job at all.  Tony deserved better than him.  Steve was going to mess this all up some way if he kept at it, his focus had shifted from taking care of Tony to falling in love with him.  Tony didn’t need that.  Steve tried to shake the thoughts from his head, he would handle it, everything was going to turn out alright for all of them.

 

 

Steve had a plan, he was just waiting for feedback at this point.  He couldn’t continue to have these feelings for Tony, not the bubbling love and affection he felt whenever he held him, or even looked at him.  He couldn’t fall in love with Tony when he was with Bucky, it wasn’t fair to either of them.  He couldn’t care for Tony when these thoughts about how it would feel to hold him close for hours and how nicely his body fit against his kept popping into his head.  It was disgusting.  Steve was taking advantage of a situation he had caused.

 

 

“Come on, dear.”  The physical therapist said softly as she stood in the pool just a few feet in front of where Tony sat.  “If you don’t like it you can just jump right on out.  We won’t do it again unless you say so.”

 

 

Steve liked all of Tony’s physical therapists.  They all listened to him, asked him for his opinions, and didn’t make it seem like he was a confused child.  The doctors in the hospital had done that, talked about him like he wasn’t even there and ignored his every mutter and movement unless it signified an improvement.  The physical therapists were all usually great.  The one that was here today was just standing in the water calmly, one hand held out in front of her to help Tony into the water if he decided to go.

 

 

“I don’t wanna.”  Tony muttered to himself.  He kicked at the water again, this time splashing the therapist slightly.  It wasn’t enough to soak her, or even bother her, but just enough to get his discomfort across.  “It’s bad.”

 

 

Rhodey, Clint, and Natasha were in the pool, floating just a few yards away and gradually heading closer to Tony.  They looked like they were trying to be subtle, Clint and Natasha were succeeding mostly, Rhodey was actively staring at Tony as they crept closer.

 

 

“Why is it bad?”  The therapist asked softly.  Tony shrugged.  “Would you like to get out?”

 

 

Tony’s eyes widened and he shook his head quickly.  “No!  It’s just bad.”  He said.  He continued to shake his head, muttering ‘ _badbadbadbadbad’_ under his breath.  Things were getting ready to fall apart.  Steve stood up from his seat and took half a step towards the pool. 

 

 

Tony had been okay, they had talked it over before coming down.  Tony said he would be fine in the pool, that the water didn’t bother him anymore.  They all knew it was a problem area, his personal file had stated as much, Tony had even mentioned it on occasions.  It was all was brief and he never outright said it, but he had hinted enough.

 

 

Steve never made it to Tony, Rhodey got there first.  He gently pushed the physical therapist, a really kind woman whose name Steve had never learned, and Rhodey took her place in front of Tony.  He didn’t touch Tony, instead just held his hand out slowly, palm up and welcoming.

 

 

“It’s alright, Tones.  You’re safe.  We can go if you want.  We’ll head upstairs and watch the Princess Bride, you love that movie.  Do you want me to help you out?”  Rhodey said.  Tony shook his head again, this time meeting Rhodey’s gaze.

 

 

Tony’s hand jerked off away from his shirt where he had been holding on tightly and slapped it against Rhodey’s waiting palm.  All at once Tony slipped into the water.  The pool had been drained a bit to prepare for the session, the water only went up to his hips.  Tony clung to Rhodey like a life preserver, in this situation he very well could be.

 

 

“See, you’re doing so well.”  Rhodey said slowly.  “You’ll be walking like you used to in no time, loser.  Then no one will be able to catch you.”

 

 

Tony chuckled softly, he sounded a little out of breath, but otherwise okay.  Steve was just standing there, halfway between his seat and the pool.  He didn’t know what to do.  At the moment Tony seemed to be holding together alright.  He had his arms wrapped around Rhodey tightly with soft whispers of ‘ _bad’_ that were almost too quiet to hear.  He glanced back at Steve to make sure he was still there.

 

 

Steve nodded and Tony took a small step further into the pool.  Then another.  As they slowly walked further away from the edge Tony stopped looking around.  His gaze had gone distant, no longer focused, but he gripped onto Rhodey tighter with his right hand, his left, still in its cast, was pinned between them.

 

 

Everyone in the room had gone quiet, silently watching as Rhodey and Tony made their way through the pool.  They stopped in the center, Rhodey studying Tony carefully with a frown.  Tony was staring down at the water, his eyes were still unfocused, but he didn’t seem to have checked out.  He was still here, his mind hadn’t drifted away somewhere else.

 

 

“Tony.”  Rhodey said softly.  Tony hummed in acknowledgement.  “Do you want to get out of the pool?”

 

 

Tony nodded.  He buried his face into Rhodey’s shoulder and let himself be led backwards towards the edge of the pool.  When they reached it they stood there for several more minutes.  Tony didn’t try to get himself out or move away from Rhodey’s arms, instead he continued to watch the water and slowly shifted his weight from one foot to the other.  He had stopped muttering to himself, but didn’t look at the water any friendlier.

 

 

Eventually he pushed himself out of Rhodey’s arms and pushed himself up onto the cool cement that circled to pool.  It was exactly the same as it had been not ten minutes earlier, Tony sitting by the poolside with his legs slowly moving through the water.  The only difference was now his lower half was wet and his body seemed to be shaking slightly.

 

 

Steve took the last few steps to the poolside and wrapped Tony in his arms.  He could hear the man sigh in relief and push back against Steve’s chest.  All of Tony’s ridiculously tense muscles started to relax, which only caused him to start shaking more.  Steve pulled him up into his arms and away from the water, Tony turned around until he was able to bury his face into Steve’s chest and somehow wrap his body completely around him.

 

 

Tony was light.  Still a bit thinner than he used to be, his muscles not as defined.  He was easy to carry.  They went back to the chairs that were off to the side and Steve sat down carefully as Tony kept his face hidden away in Steve’s shift and his right hand buried in the fabric.  The physical therapist was now out of the pool and packing up her things, she glanced over to the two of them and gave them a thumbs up and a small smile before leaving.  Everyone else in the room had gone back to relaxing, either sprawled out on a pool chair or floating in the water.

 

 

“I’m sorry.”  Tony whispered, his voice slightly muffled.

 

 

Steve shushed him and started rubbing his hands up and down Tony’s back.  “It’s okay, sweetheart.  No one’s upset.”  He said softly.

 

 

“I couldn’t…”  Tony said, pausing as he looked for the words he wanted.  “It’s bad.  I don’t like it.  I don’t like… drowning.”

 

 

“You’re okay, Tony.  You’re not drowning.”  Steve said.  “I got you.  You’re not drowning.”

 

 

Tony nodded and melted further into his hold.  “I want to try again.”

 

 

“Later.  Not right now.”  Steve didn’t want Tony going back in the pool.  Tony was clearly shaken, barely holding on and trying to stay as calm as he could.  He didn’t want Tony to go anywhere near that water.

 

 

“I want to try again.”  Tony muttered.

 

 

Steve nodded, reaching up to run his hand through Tony’s hair and the other continued to rub slow circles into his back.  Eventually everyone else started leaving too.  Clint, Rhodey, and Natasha climbed out of the pool, grabbed their towels and left.  Bruce followed shortly after.  Wanda and Vision were across the room on the other side of the pool, they appeared to be deep in a conversation that Steve couldn’t hear and were paying the two of them no attention at all.

 

 

Tony eventually relaxed completely and had gone limp in Steve’s arms.  It had been a stressful day, he was probably just a few minutes away from falling asleep.  It would be good for him, to get some rest.  It would give them time for Bucky to get home, he would be a great help.  Tony shifted his head slightly so his face was now pressed against Steve’s neck, he could feel the tickle of his lashes brushing against his skin with each quick blink.  It was nice.

 

 

“Do you want to go upstairs?  Go to bed?”  Steve said slowly.  Tony shook his head.  “I’ll wake you up before your next therapist gets here.”

 

 

“No.”  Tony whispered, obviously sounding fatigued.

 

 

“Okay.”  Steve said.

 

 

Tony was asleep within five minutes.  Steve didn’t trust himself to be able to stand up and lift him into the air without jostling him awake.  Today hadn’t been a good day, Tony had worn himself out, but he had tried his best and now deserved to just take an hour to sleep and if he felt safe enough in Steve’s arms to sleep there then he wasn’t going to disturb him.

 

 

His phone beeped softly on the small table next to his chair.  It took a bit of maneuvering to reach for it and not move Tony around too much, but he somehow managed it.  He hoped it was the response he was waiting for, he really needed this to work out if he was going to make things right again.

 

 

It was.

 

 

‘ _I found a great live-in nurse to take care of him until he’s able to live on his own again.’_

 

 

Steve sighed, both relieved and disappointed by the text from Pepper.  He had to remind himself that this was better, he wasn’t good for Tony anymore.  He was distracted, he didn’t trust himself to give Tony the proper care he needed now that he had romantic feelings for him.  Tony needed someone who could take care of him, make sure he was taking his medications on time, went to his doctor’s appointments, and help him through the days and nights, not someone who would fantasize about cuddling with him, or kissing him, or taking him out to dinner.

 

 

Steve’s phone beeped again, another text from Pepper.

_‘I don’t know what made you change your mind, but we should probably talk about it.  Or talk to someone about it.’_

 

 

Steve shook his head.  He didn’t need to talk to anyone.  Sure, Pepper was surprised with the shift in his behavior.  He went from determined to care for Tony himself to wanting to pass him off to a professional.  Something had changed, they all seemed to know it, but Steve couldn’t let them know exactly what had changed.  Bucky couldn’t know.  Bucky had his heart and his love, he wouldn’t leave him for anyone.  If he found out that Steve had fallen in love with someone else it would destroy him and Steve refused to be just another person who hurt Bucky.

 

 

His phone beeped again.

_‘For what it’s worth, I thought you were doing a great job with him.’_

 

 

This woman had a superpower or something because she obviously knew about Steve’s doubts, if not his sickening change in motives.  He had promised to care for Tony because it was his duty as team leader and as the man who had hurt him, not because of some silly infatuation.  How could Steve care for Tony now that he was feeling something different?  Tony was fast asleep on him now and the warmth and comfort of his body against was amazing and Steve just wanted to hold him forever.  It wasn’t right.

 

 

Steve started typing out the response on his phone.  Pepper would have found someone fantastic, someone who could do their job without this conflict of interests and do what was best for Tony when it was needed.  Everything would be fine.

_‘Sounds great.  Hire them.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's an idiot, a self-deprecating idiot but at least his intentions are good.  
> Sorry to end it like that, but another chapter will be up soon.


	11. Chapter 11

“Wait, you did what?”  Bucky asked slowly.

 

 

In retrospect, Steve probably should have told him that he had hired a nurse before the day had come for them to move out and for him to move in.  He had just been busy, his mind was preoccupied with interviewing the man, getting to know him and his history, and deciding if he was the best candidate to be taking care of Tony.

 

 

“Don’t worry about it, Buck.  It’s fine.  We found a great guy, military background, he’s been a nurse in the army for years.”  Steve said, trying to calm the man down.  They were both being as quiet as possible, Tony had managed to fall asleep during a movie and was half lying on top of Bucky.  That was probably the only reason Steve hadn’t been punched in the face yet, judging by the anger clearly coursing through Bucky’s body.

 

 

He rolled and carefully deposited Tony’s sleeping form onto the couch, careful not to jostle him awake.  Bucky then walked slowly up to Steve, each step seemed deliberate and almost too calm.  This wasn’t going to end with them not fighting, there was definitely going to be a fight and Steve hated it when they fought.  He should have told him sooner.

 

 

“So, you hired a guy to take care of Tony.  Why?”  Bucky asked, his voice more controlled and relaxed than Steve has ever heard it.

 

 

He swung his head in the direction of the kitchen.  This was definitely going to turn into a fight and if they were going to start yelling at each other then Steve didn’t want to accidently wake up Tony and he knew Bucky felt the same way.  Bucky nodded and followed him into the other room.

 

 

“Why did you do this?”  Bucky asked as soon as they walked through the threshold into the kitchen.  “Why the fuck did you go behind my back to hire some fucking stranger to take care of him?  Tony needs us.”

 

 

“He doesn’t need us.  He just needs someone and no one ever said it had to be us.”  Steve said.  He couldn’t go outright and say that he had fallen for Tony during all of this.  He couldn’t put Bucky through that.  “It’s going to be fine, this guy will come in and make sure Tony eats and is cared for and goes to all of his doctor’s appointments and we get to go back down to our floor, we get to go home, and relax for the first time in months.”

 

 

Bucky took a step back and shook his head.  “So you’re just giving up?  After everything we’ve done for him, after we swore we’d take care of him, but you can’t handle it anymore?”

 

 

That wasn’t what he was implying, but it was better than the alternative.  He would rather have Bucky think he was giving up than tell the man he loved that he had also fallen in love with the man they were supposed to be taking care of after an injury.  Steve felt disgusted with himself every time he thought about it.  Tony couldn’t even hold a spoon by himself and here Steve was fantasizing about how Tony’s lips might feel against his own.

 

 

“I just can’t take care of him anymore, sweetheart.”  Steve whispered.

 

 

That seemed to just make Bucky angrier, he clenched his fists and walked up until he was just a few inches away from Steve.  “What?  So you’re just gonna hire some stranger to take care of him?”  He asked, his voice slowly rising to a shout.  “He’s hurt, Steve.  He’s vulnerable.  How do you know this guy isn’t some nutcase here to take him out or hurt him more!?”

 

 

“I interviewed the guy like three times and Pepper interviewed him so he’s not a stranger.  He’s a nice guy.  He was an army nurse, he’s divorced, he has three kids, he’s from Chicago, he has a cat, he’s not a stranger.”  Steve said quickly.  He didn’t know what to do, Pepper had taken Happy to go pick the guy up and help move him into the tower so he would be here within a few hours.  He wanted to make this right, to hold Bucky close and feel like the world isn’t falling apart but somehow he was only making this worse.

 

 

“So, you put a lot of time into this.  Probably a few days’ worth of interviews and meetings and even Pepper was involved, but not once did it ever occur to you to ask me what I thought about all of this.”  Bucky said, full shouting at this point and Steve took a step back.  “Did you even think about anyone but yourself?  Maybe I like taking care of Tony, maybe I like waking up in the morning and seeing him and knowing he’s okay, maybe I don’t want some random stranger to take over even if you’re giving up because you found out that taking care of an injured friend is _hard_!”

 

 

Steve shook his head quickly, thrown off be the enraged passion Bucky was throwing at him.  “Bucky, it’s not like that.”  This was bad.  He didn’t realize Bucky had gotten so attached, that unburdening him from this was actually doing him a disservice.  It was his responsibility to take care of Tony, he shouldn’t have dragged Bucky in on this anyway, but it was too late for that now.  “I hurt him, Buck.  I did this to him and now I’m pretending that helping him eat and sleep is making up for that.  I’m being selfish.  He deserves to have people who know what they’re doing looking out for him.”

 

 

It wasn’t the entire truth, but at least it wasn’t a lie.  There had to be a way to fix this, to get Bucky to see that everyone would be better off with the nurse coming in and taking over.  Nothing came to mind, the only thing running through Steve’s head was the fear that he was about to lose both Bucky and Tony all on the same day because he wasn’t strong enough to keep this professional.

 

 

“You’re damn right you’re being selfish, Rogers.  I’ve taken care of you for years when you were sick or hurt and it turns out the moment someone relies on you it becomes too much and you just give up.”  Bucky said coldly.  Steve took another step back.  “I don’t even understand why you’re doing this, why you would _lie_ to me about it.  Did it really get so hard for you the past few months that you would go behind my back to pass Tony off on someone else?  Did you not think that maybe I enjoyed spending time with him and taking care of him?  Did you really get so sick of that responsibility that you decided you were going to take this away from me because you didn’t like it anymore?  Sure, maybe you needed a vacation because you got sick of taking care of Tony, but you never once thought about what I wanted to do!”

 

 

Steve didn’t feel like he could breathe anymore, his mouth opened and closed but no words came out.  He understood why Bucky was furious.  Steve didn’t consider how hiring the nurse would make him feel, didn’t think that maybe Bucky had gotten attached to Tony as well, although probably in a much more innocent way that Steve had, and he didn’t think to ask Bucky for his opinion on the whole matter.  It made sense for him to be upset and there was no way for Steve to explain it without making things worse.  Steve had messed up.

 

 

“Look, I’m sure you can sti-“  Steve had started to say that Bucky could still see Tony, still help take care of him and do all the things he probably loved doing for him when their conversation came to a halt at the sound of a door slamming closed down the hall.

 

 

Bucky was the first one out of the kitchen, Steve not far behind.  They both frowned at the now empty couch that Tony had been sleeping on moments before.  “Fuck.”  Bucky breathed out before he started racing down the hall towards Tony’s room.

 

 

This was bad, Tony had heard their fighting and probably assumed the worst.  He wasn’t in his bedroom, but the door to the bathroom was wide open and further inspection showed that the glass door to Tony’s shower was also hanging open.  Tony was curled up against the cold tiles, his face buried against his knees and his back visibly shaking.

 

 

“Hey, baby.  Are you okay?”  Bucky said as he walked into the large shower and sat down in front of him.  Tony didn’t look up but still shook his head, careful to avoid looking at either of them.

 

 

“I ruined it.”  Tony whispered.  “I always ruin it.”

 

 

Steve could feel his stomach tightening.  This was his fault.  Not only did he piss Bucky off by making really serious decisions that affect him without him, but he also made Tony think it was his fault.

 

 

“No.  No, sweetheart, you didn’t ruin anything.”  Steve said slowly.  He took a step closer to Tony, reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder when Bucky forcibly pushed him back with a soft growl.

 

 

He froze instantly, not knowing if Bucky was getting ready to attack him or Tony or what.  Bucky had never gotten physically aggressive with anyone besides violent enemies before.  There was a second where they both paused and looked at each other before Bucky curled over Tony, let the man bury his face into his shirt, and wrapped his arms around him.  Bucky was protecting him.  Bucky was protecting him from Steve.

 

 

It seemed so wrong and inappropriate, that Bucky, the man he loved and respected with all his heart, felt the need to protect Tony from him.  Maybe Bucky saw his dark and impure intentions toward him.  Maybe he realized why Steve had to stop spending every moment of the day with him.  Or maybe Bucky just thought that Tony needed to be protected in his vulnerable state he was in because Steve was a poor leader and who did and said the wrong things.

 

 

Steve took a step back, whatever Bucky’s reasoning Steve trusted him with Tony more than he did himself.  So far this whole thing had been one fuck up after another and it was all his fault.  He was the one who got Tony hurt in the first place, he was the one who went behind Bucky’s back to hire that nurse, and he was the reason Tony was falling right in front of him and he couldn’t do a single thing about it.

 

 

His phone vibrated in his pocket.  He didn’t take his eyes off of Bucky and Tony, the larger man still curled gently over the other and whispering soft endearments in his ear.  It was a text from Pepper, she had arrived at the tower and was bringing the nurse up now.

 

 

“His name is Kyle Anderson.  He used to be an army nurse but retired after his brother was killed in action.  He now offers full-time nursing care to those suffering from serious injuries.”  Steve said slowly.  “He doesn’t have a criminal record and his psych evaluation came back fine.  He’ll be up in a few minutes.”

 

 

He backed up towards the door.  Bucky glared at him.  “Get rid of him.  He’s not needed.”  He said firmly.

 

 

Steve shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  I can’t do that.  I need to let this happen.”  He said.  Bucky’s face hardened and he turned back to Tony.  “We should talk about this later.  I’m an idiot and we need to talk all of this through.  I’m sorry.”

 

 

Bucky didn’t say anything, the only sound in the room was Tony’s heavy breathing.  He turned and left, walking down the hall as he blinked the tears from his eyes as the whole weight of the situation came crashing down on him.  He just ruined everything.  Tony probably hated him, he had the right to, and Bucky definitely hated him.

 

 

The elevator doors opened as he walked up to them and Pepper stepped out with Mr. Anderson, who looked around the penthouse with wide eyes.  Steve quickly stepped passed them and into the elevator.

 

 

“Tony’s having a bad day today, sorry.”  He muttered.  He didn’t look up at them as he pressed the button for his floor.  Steve didn’t say anything more.  Pepper would have briefed where his room was located, a guest room on the communal floor, and that the tower was still wired to send out an alert if Tony’s vitals ever changed significantly and what his allergies were and everything.  He wasn’t needed here anymore.

 

 

Instead of hanging around he went down to his and Bucky’s floor.  It seemed so strange and empty, not a sound in the place.  After spending so much time up in Tony’s penthouse with him and Bucky, the place didn’t hold the same comfort it used to.  He sat down on his bed and buried his face in his hands as he waited for Bucky to come down so they could hopefully talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll make it better, I promise. Things are going to get worse before they get better though so be warned. I like angsty stuff so hopefully this chapter was as angsty as I imagined it would be in my head. Let me know if it was as devastating for you as it was for me.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I'm in the middle of my summer class and I also hit a slump where my inspiration and motivation has just hit the dirt. I wanted to get this chapter out sooner, but here it is now. It gave me some trouble but I kinda like how it turned out now.

“You’re mad at me.”  Steve said plainly as soon as they sat down with their coffee.  It had been a week since Kyle moved in to take care of Tony and Bucky had yet to move off of the floor.  Bucky hadn’t come down to see Steve either and he refused to go out in case he did and wanted to talk.  Clint and Natasha had apparently had enough of that and dragged him out to a local coffee shop, but with the way they were glaring at him it probably wasn’t just because they thought he needed to socialize.

 

 

“Yes, we are.”  Clint said.  By all appearances he seemed calm and relaxed, but his eyes were hard and angry.

 

 

Natasha hummed in agreement.  “You brought a stranger into our home, Steve.  _Our_ home.”  She said quickly.

 

 

Steve sighed and let his head drop into his hands.  They were angry, of course they were angry.  This whole mess was clearly affecting more people than just him and Tony and somehow he had missed that.  He had ignored everyone else in favor of trying to make himself more comfortable, to keep Tony safe from him.

 

 

“I know, I’m sorry.”  Steve muttered.  He had dozens of excuses prepared.  Excuses that said he was tired, overworked, that taking care of Tony had been too much of a drain, or that Tony didn’t want or need him anymore.  All of them were lies.

 

 

Things fell into silence between the three of them.  Clint still looked annoyed and Natasha’s shoulders were still tense, but they also looked thoughtful and concerned.  They were trying to figure it out.  That terrified him, if these two entirely capable spies figured out he had fallen for Tony when he was vulnerable then they would never look at him the same.  They both already had enough reason to stop following his orders and viewing him as the captain of the team because he had caused Tony’s injury, but if they figured this out then they would stop being his friend entirely.

 

 

Clint sighed.  “Look, I get it if you need a break.  Taking care of an injured loved one who needs constant attention and support can be draining, but you should have come to us.”  He said slowly, putting his coffee cup down and leaning forward across the table.  “We definitely could have watched out for Tony for a few weeks while you got your head out of your ass.”

 

 

Steve shrugged as he spun his coffee mug around on the table.  It was steadily cooling and he no longer had any desire to drink it.  He just wanted to go back to his apartment and wait for Bucky to want to talk to him again.  Clint’s empty coffee mug was placed soundlessly on the table and Steve’s was quickly taken from his hand, Clint claiming it as his own.

 

 

“You should also fire Mr. Anderson.”  Natasha said calmly as she raised her own cup to her lips.  “He’s not needed and I don’t like him.”

 

 

“What’s wrong with him?”  Steve asked with a frown.

 

 

“He’s monopolizing Tony’s time.  Every day he spends a little less time with the team and more time hidden away on his floor.”  Natasha said, her face growing dark.  “I don’t like that.”

 

 

Steve shrugged.  “He’s probably just adjusting Tony’s schedule.  He knows what he is doing.”  He said.

 

 

That didn’t lesson the concern on their faces, instead it seemed to increase it.  While Steve had been hiding away for the past week and waiting for even a small chance to talk things over with Bucky he had clearly missed something.  Whatever Kyle was doing around the tower it made the team uncomfortable.  That shouldn’t have been a problem.  Steve and Pepper had screened him themselves, made sure he was the perfect candidate for Tony before hiring him.

 

 

“He also talks to Tony like he’s an idiot.”  Clint said quickly, downing the rest of Steve’s coffee in one gulp.  “Which he isn’t.  Stark is a lot of things, but he’s not an idiot and I don’t appreciate this guy treating him like one.”

 

 

That was a problem.  Steve froze, horrified at the idea of anyone treating Tony poorly, also horrified at the idea of how Bucky would have handled that.  “What happened?”  He asked.  “How is he treating Tony?”

 

 

There was another small moment of hesitant silence before Clint leaned forward to whisper furiously. 

 

 

“He ignores everything Tony has to say.  If Tony wants something specific for dinner or doesn’t want to take his meds then Anderson just ignores him and does whatever he wants.”  Clint said quickly.  “It’s like Tony’s opinions don’t even matter to him when in reality it should be the most important thing.”

 

 

“I’m sure it’s not that big of a deal.”  Steve said.  “He’s a professional, he does this all the time.  He’s probably just trying to get Tony on the right track after I messed everything up.”

 

 

“You only ever messed up by hiring that man.”  Natasha said, a hint of hostility in her tone.  “Tony was doing better with you.  You shouldn’t have just left him there alone.”

 

 

“Bucky’s still with him.”  Steve said.  “It’s not a big deal, he wasn’t abandoned.”  It didn’t feel like that though.  Steve did feel like he had abandoned him.  He could practically still see Tony’s wide, trusting eyes and the gentle smiles he gave him whenever Steve walked into the room.  Now Tony’s care was mostly being handled by a man he had never seen before.  It had probably scared him for a little while, but surly everything had settled by now.

 

 

“Bucky is there, yes.  But after what happened between the two of you and still trying to care for Tony he’s been really stressed.  Except for the incident this morning there have been few times he’s left Tony alone with that man.”  Natasha said.

 

 

Steve froze.  Bucky didn’t trust Kyle.  He had stopped trusting Steve it seemed so it made sense for him not to trust anyone Steve would get to take care of Tony.  It was probably worse now though, now that he was by himself.  Before they would take turns, spending most of their time together with the three of them, but occasionally one would go take a break while the other watched Tony as he went about his easier activities.

 

 

“What incident this morning?”  Steve asked quickly.

 

 

Natasha frowned and shared a hesitant look with Clint.  They were keeping secrets, which they normally did and Steve was fine with that but he refused to let them keep secrets about Bucky and Tony.  If something happened to them then he demands to know.

 

 

“Bucky yelled at him.”  Clint said.  “They had come down to the communal floor, which they hardly ever do anymore, and Anderson wouldn’t let Tony eat the pancakes that Bruce had made.  He said that he would have breakfast when they went back upstairs, but Tony insisted that he wanted pancakes.  Anderson said ‘no’ again and then Bucky just snapped at him.”

 

 

“Barnes was yelling about how he was trying to control things too much, how he wasn’t giving Tony room to heal, how he was treating Tony like he couldn’t decide anything for himself.”  Natasha said, a fond smile spreading across her face.  “I thought he was going to punch him.  I was so proud.”

 

 

Steve could feel his heart shatter.  Bucky was under too much pressure.  It was his fault, he had put them all in this position and then made the circumstances so stressful that Bucky had felt like he was alone in caring for Tony.  Steve had left and he didn’t even have the guts to tell Bucky why.  This was getting out of control, he had to fix it.

 

 

“Is that it?”  Steve asked quickly.  He wanted to finish this conversation as soon as possible, he needed to find Bucky.  He needed to apologize, make this right somehow.

 

 

“Our access has been denied.  We tried to go up to the penthouse to see Tony but we weren’t allowed to.”  Natasha said.  The two of them were usually so calm and composed that the slight tremble of her voice that could only be heard by those who knew her well seemed to send anxiety running down Steve’s back.

 

 

Steve pulled out his phone quickly and started typing out a message.  Regardless of Bucky’s outburst and all of Steve’s mistakes, it wouldn’t do anyone any good to isolate Tony from the team.  They had a right to see him even if Steve didn’t.

 

 

His phone pinged and he read the message.  “Kyle says he was feeling that you guys were too worked up so he was going to have a quiet and relaxing day for Tony while you guys cooled off.”  Steve said, glancing up at the two of them.

 

 

Clint became tense, his whole body seeming to freeze in place.  “Look, cap.  I don’t care what sort of lover’s quarrel you’re having with Barnes, but leave Tony out of it.  If you guys are fighting you don’t hire some guy so you can ditch the two of them.”

 

 

Steve shook his head in shock.  That wasn’t right.  He didn’t do this to punish Bucky.  He did this to protect Tony, did Bucky really expect that he would hire a nurse for Tony just because he couldn’t stand being around them anymore?

 

 

“I’ll talk to Kyle.  I’ll get your access back to the penthouse, you’ll see Tony in no time at all, and you’ll all see that he’s fine.”  Steve said.  He stood up and took a step away from the table.  “Thanks for the coffee.  I’ll see you back at the tower.”

 

 

He turned and left quickly.  He didn’t want to hear any more of this conversation.  A professional is hired to take care of Tony and they all go on the defensive.  It was Steve’s fault, he should have talked it over with all of them before bringing a stranger into the tower, their home, but Bucky shouldn’t feel distraught because of his choices.  They should be attacking Steve, he would let them too.  After everything that had happened, after he caused Tony’s injury, after he had threatened Tony’s wellbeing with the corruption of his thoughts and his ability to care for him, and after he went behind everyone’s back to hire Kyle, they should be furious.  If they wanted to yell at him or punch him or kick him out of the tower, he would understand.

 

 

He walked into the building and through the lobby of the tower, ignoring all the people going about their work.  Once he was in the elevator it was quiet.  Steve pressed the button for Tony’s floor.  It was after lunch, Tony would probably be taking a nap, so it was the perfect time to come check on him without disturbing him.

 

 

The small screen above the buttons pinged, displaying the words ‘ _accessed denied’_ in menacing red font.  Tension wound its way through his muscles as he settled on the communal floor.  He had spent the past week hiding away on his floor that maybe seeing the rest of the team would clear his head.

 

 

The floor was quiet, empty, and lonely.  There were usually at least two people there at all times, someone to talk to and connect with after a long and stressful day, but now it looked sterile and unfamiliar.  Anything personal had been stripped away.  Bucky usually had a blanket lying every few feet, dangling over furniture, but now they were gone.  Tony’s coffee mugs that were usually littering the rooms and had at least one on every surface were all washed and put away.  Nothing of Steve’s could be seen.  It was like the three of them have stopped existing here.

 

 

“What do you want?”

 

 

Steve glanced over to the source of the sound, his heart fluttering as he recognized the voice.  Bucky sat in a corner by one of the large windows, his gaze fixed on some point down by the traffic.  He looked terrible.  His hair wasn’t combed, his stubble was becoming thick and shaggy, and he looked exhausted.  Steve wanted to run over and pull him into a hug but he stopped himself, unsure of how the contact would be received.

 

 

“I wanted to talk to you.  You haven’t been by our floor.”  Steve said as he took several slow steps in Bucky’s direction.  His heart was beating wildly.  If he messed this up he could potentially ruin things with Bucky forever.

 

 

“Yeah, well, you ran away.  I didn’t want to talk to you.”  Bucky muttered harshly.

 

 

Steve paused, the weight of his words crashing into him.  They had never fought like this.  Back when he was lost in his own head, not knowing who he was or what Steve was to him, there had been too many fists thrown, but no one ever said anything cruel or harsh.  It was a physical batter, not something as emotional as this.  Steve hated this fight a thousand times more.

 

 

“I messed up.  I should have told you, we could have come up with a better plan.  Together.”  Steve said, resuming his slow trek towards Bucky.  “But I was scared.  I couldn’t be around Tony anymore, I’m not good for him right now.”

 

 

Bucky whined, a soft distressed sound that made Steve’s sense go into overdrive.  “I know.  You couldn’t take it anymore.  You should have said something before.”

 

 

“Yes, I should have said something.”  Steve said.  Finally, he was standing next to Bucky.  He was unsure if he was welcome to sit next to him or stand behind him or turn around and leave.  He weighed his options and sat down.  “I shouldn’t have hired him without talking to you first.  I didn’t realize you and Tony had grown close.  I didn’t mean to mess this whole thing up.  I just had to give Tony some space and make sure he was cared for by a professional.”

 

 

Bucky shook his head, his eyes shooting up to meet Steve’s.  He looked sad, angry.  “You couldn’t take it anymore.  You got sick of him.”  He said, but his voice didn’t hold any of the heat it did during their last argument.  “You spent so much time taking care of him that you didn’t want him anymore.”

 

 

“What?!”  Steve said quickly.  He shook his head.  “No.  That’s not it.”

 

 

“Of course it is.  Why else would you leave him?”  Bucky said.  He leaned forward to rest his head on the glass of the window and turned slightly so he was looking barely over to Steve’s direction.  “Why else would the great Steve Rogers give up on anything?”

 

 

Steve didn’t know what to say.  Bucky sounded so hurt, so vulnerable, that he was sure he was moments away from falling apart.  He decided to take a chance and snaked his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, a week’s worth of worries and doubt melting away when the man he loved leaned into his touch.

 

 

“Are you alright, Buck?”  Steve asked slowly.  It was a stupid question.

 

 

“No, I’m not.  I’m locked out, Stevie.  They locked me out.”  Bucky whispered.  Steve knew what he meant, the red ‘access denied’ still fresh in his mind.  “I can’t help him, I can’t protect him, I can’t take care of him.  I’m locked out.  I don’t know what he’s doing up there.”

 

 

“I’ll talk to Kyle, you guys will all be able to see him again in no time.  But you can’t yell at people like that.  He’s doing his best.”  Steve said.

 

 

Bucky shook his head, suddenly pushing away from Steve.  “No!  He’s not.  I don’t know what he’s doing but he’s not good for Tony.  I don’t trust him.”  Bucky said quickly.  “Get rid of him.  I need to be there for him and that man is just making everything worse.”

 

 

“How is he making it worse?”

 

 

“You don’t get it.”  Bucky said.  He stood up and took a few steps away from Steve, running his fingers through his hair in exasperation.  “You ran away!  You don’t see what’s going on up there now.  You left him with us when you ran.  Tony already thinks he drove you away, it’s killing him.  Now this new guy is trying to take over, I don’t like how he does it either, and it’s making it all worse.  Just because you couldn’t deal with it anymore, it got too hard for you, doesn’t mean you can leave us with a man like that.”

 

 

“I didn’t…”  Steve said slowly.  The situation was falling apart.  “I didn’t hire him to punish you.  I didn’t run away because it was hard.  I ran away because I had to clear my head.  I couldn’t live with myself staying there.”

 

 

Bucky looked broken at that, as if Steve’s words had succeeded in shattering him.  He looked away from Steve and nodded.  “I know.  You left because you didn’t love him anymore.  You were taking care of him for so long, it got too tough, and you stopped loving him.”  Bucky said slowly, his voice barely raising above a whisper but Steve could hear it clearly.  Bucky’s words echoed through his mind.  Suddenly, Bucky was angry again.  He was speaking loudly, not yelling but close to it.  It didn't stop him from sounding sad.  “But you’ve been taking care of me since I got back, how long until you stop loving me as well?  You ditched Tony and you're ditching me too.  Just because you stop loving people enough to dump them with strangers doesn’t mean I’m like that.  I promised I'd take care of Tony and I'm going to keep doing so.  If you’re gonna leave us then don't leave us with that man.  I don't trust him, I don't like him, and he's not good for him.  If you're giving up on us then don't try to act like you're helping when you're just sending someone to make it worse.”

 

 

Steve was up in a flash, his arms wrapping around Bucky and hugging him tightly.  This wasn’t right.  Bucky couldn’t think these things.  He shouldn’t assume that Steve left because he didn’t love Tony anymore, that eventually he would get sick of taking care of him that he would stop loving him as well.  Steve loved Bucky and Tony more than anything.  This was his fault.  This was because he had lied.  Steve had gone from seemingly happy to take care of Tony to passing him off on someone else and hiding away on his floor.  Of course Bucky assumed the worst.

 

 

“I love you.  I love you so damn much.  It’s not like that.  I left because of my own issues.  I still love you, I still care about Tony.”  Steve whispered.  This was his fault.  He had to fix it.  He pulled back slightly, taking Bucky’s face in his hands.  The man still looked angry with him, but confused as well.  “I have to tell you something, but promise you won't punch me in the face please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger. Also, sorry for the no Tony this chapter. I'll add him next chapter and have an interesting turn of events. I'm sure you'll all love it...


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, new chapter. This gave me so much trouble. Heart-to-heart conversations is tough but hopefully it flows together well and isn't awkward.

“Better make it quick, Rogers.”  Bucky said, taking a step back and crossing his arms.  “I ain’t promising I won’t hit you.”

 

 

Steve nodded, that was the best he was going to get.  He hoped and he prayed that however this turns out it wouldn’t leave their relationship irreparable.  He loved Bucky, would do almost anything for him, but he couldn’t lie anymore and pretend that being so close to Tony so much hadn’t affected him.

 

 

“I fell for Tony.  I can’t stand it.”  Steve said softly.  He tried to make his voice firm and confidant, which mostly worked but he felt like his body was shivering far too much.  “It’s sick, it’s wrong.  Tony can hardly remember where he is most mornings and all I want to do is kiss away the fear and confusion that causes the creases in his brow.  I want to hold him through the night while he struggles to sleep and whisper to him that it will all be okay.  I’m in love with him, I want to take care of him, but I’m still completely in love with you too, Buck.”

 

 

Steve dropped his head, but held eye contact with Bucky as he waited for the inevitable blow.  Bucky’s face was expressionless, it was a few long seconds of him not commenting and just blinking slowly before he finally spoke.  “And?”

 

 

Surprise hit him like a freight train and he had to take another step back and shake his head in confusion.  “And?  There is no ‘and’ Bucky.  This is me falling for a guy who can’t even take care of himself.”  He said quickly.

 

 

“Of course you loved him.  It was plain as day that you loved him.  Everyone could see it.”  Bucky said, his voice rising into a shout.  “That wasn’t an issue.  I love him too, I adore that little punk, but you don’t see me hiring some stranger to take my place without talking about it to anyone.  For fuck’s sake, Rogers.  One moment you were there and the next you weren’t, you replaced yourself with some piece of shit Tony’s never seen before.  Can you imagine what that did to him?”

 

 

Steve could feel his heart break.  Of course that wouldn’t have been good.  What had he been thinking?  He should have talked to Tony, told him he would be leaving.  He was probably so confused, so lost, and so hurt because Steve couldn’t handle it anymore and didn’t even think to talk about it with anyone.

 

 

“I just don’t want him to get hurt.  You can’t expect me to be able to take care of him when all I want was to hold him like that.  To kiss him like that.”  Steve said quickly.  “He wasn’t safe with me anymore.  What if one day I took things too far?  What if I hurt him?  He’s not strong enough to fight me off, he’s not well enough to understand what was happening to him yet.  I could take advantage of him.”

 

 

Bucky frowned, but his body was far more relaxed than it had been a few moments before.  His eyes were dark as they scanned Steve’s face, searching.  It was a long time before either of them spoke again, each moment sending more and more anxiety down to the pit of Steve’s stomach.  Whatever Bucky had on his mind probably wasn’t good.  A deep furrow settled on Bucky’s brow as his frown deepened, his eyes piercing as he continued to star at Steve.

 

 

“Did you touch him?”  Bucky asked calmly.  Steve paled and shook his head quickly.  “That’s what you’re so afraid of isn’t it?  That you would do something without him being able to properly consent.  Did you touch him?  Kiss him?”

 

 

Steve shook his head quickly.  “No, Buck.  I would never do that to him.  I can’t… hurt him like that.  He wouldn’t know what was happening.”

 

 

“Then don’t use that as an excuse.  I know you would never purposefully hurt Tony like that, to abuse his trust and tear him apart.  So why did you leave?”  Bucky asked.  “Loving him is fine, you’re allowed to love someone who is as selfless and accepting as him.  Loving him is easy, I’ve been doing it for a while.  Ever since he let me move in and treated me the way he did.  There is no shame in loving him as long as you don’t abuse that love when he’s vulnerable.”

 

 

There was no answer to that.  That was his main reason, the only one he had been rolling around in his head for so long to really matter.  He was afraid that he would take advantage of Tony when he was at his most vulnerable.  Technically, if he reached a bit, he could rationalize that he had already been taking advantage of the situation.  He reveled in the fact that he was allowed so close, that when Tony was tired he would allow Steve to carry him, when nights got bad he was allowed to curl around him in his sleep.  Tony was giving him everything without even realizing and it was wrong for Steve to keep on taking.

 

 

But there was more, there were some deeper reasons he didn’t want to spend more time around Tony than necessary anymore.  Things that had only occurred to him once or twice, some of them not at all.  He had never really thought about it, but this was Howard’s son.  A friend from a long time ago had a kid who was hurt and Howard would hopefully want him to have the very best care possible.  All things considered, it was pretty messed up to fall in love with his dead friend’s only kid.

 

 

That wasn’t a particularly important reason though.  It was weird circumstances and he and Howard weren’t particularly close.  They were acquaintances more than actual friends.  The real reason was probably Bucky, this miracle man who had been through hell and found his way back to him.  Steve loved him, more than he loved almost anything else in the world.  He couldn’t stand to lose him again.  Not after he just got him back.

 

 

“I’m so sorry, Bucky.  I wasn’t thinking.  I was just so scared, so worried that I would do something I would regret and that would hurt him.  Your opinion is important as well.”  Steve said.  He moved to sit down on one of the nearby couch and dropped his head into his hands.  “And Tony.  I should have talked to him, helped him understand why I had to leave.”

 

 

“You didn’t have to leave.”

 

 

Steve ignored him, he wasn’t capable of convincing him that this was the best option.  “How’s he doing?”  Steve asked, curiosity winning over.

 

 

A week of not knowing what was going on with Tony and Bucky had been stressful.  Too many times he had to talk himself out of rushing up there to see them.  He really should have though instead of waiting around his and Bucky’s old shared floor of the tower and waiting for him.  Tony could have backslid under the stress Steve had caused, or he could be doing amazing under the professional guidance of the nurse he had hired.

 

 

“He’s getting better.  He can hold a fork by himself now, but you wouldn’t know that.  He’s talking more, he won’t stop talking, he’s walking, he’s doing great.”  Bucky said.  He turned away from Steve and ran his fingers through his hair.  “But he’s so fucking sad because he thinks you hate him!  That he ruined everything and now you don’t want to be around him.  He misses you.  You know what he told me last night when he couldn’t sleep?  He told me that he’s ‘sorry he was so difficult and made you leave’.  He thinks that!  He said he couldn’t help it sometimes and it’ll be okay if I decide to leave him too.”

 

 

“I’m sorry.”  Steve said softly.

 

 

“You better be.  I’ll never leave that punk, you shouldn’t have either.  It’s fine if you stop loving someone because you can’t take care of them anymore, none of us are asking to be loved nonstop, but you shouldn’t have just dropped him so fast he couldn’t prepare himself.  If you would have stopped for a moment and fucking thought about something this wouldn’t have happened.”  Bucky said, his loud voice spewing out words rapidly.  “You say you love him, you used to you love me, I love him, and hopefully when he gets better he’ll love us back.  The three of us could have been great together but you fucked up, Stevie.”

 

 

 It was hard to think over the roar in his ears, Bucky’s words hanging over him and running through his mind over and over again.  How would that even work?  The three of them together?  His grandmother was probably already rolling over in her grave because he was dating one man, but she just might rise up and smack him if he started dating two.  Was that even possible?

 

 

“What are you talking about?  The three of us being great together?”  Steve said slowly.  The day had been stressful.  First, Clint and Natasha rant at him about how horrible Kyle was, then Bucky yells at him for leaving and not talking about it first, and now this.  Nothing was making sense in his head anymore.

 

 

“Yeah.  Polyamory, it’s where you’re in a loving relationship with more than one person at the same time.  It’s not like cheating, in a relationship like this everyone knows, everyone consents, and everyone is just happy together.  I looked into it once I realized I had it bad for that guy, just like I had it bad for you.  I asked Natasha, talked to my old therapist again.  They were both very educational. We could have talked about that, the three of us together when Tony heals up some more.”  Bucky said.  He didn’t look happy, but he looked significantly less angry.  Steve had heard of these kinds of relationships before, usually in the context of some man with his many wives, but he had always been told that it was wrong, unnatural.  Then again, he had also been told what was right was for him to find a nice woman to settle down with and he readily disobeyed that advice.

 

 

“Is that what you want?  The three of us together?”  Steve asked.  All Bucky had to say was it was what he wanted and Steve would accept it, granted that they wait until Tony was fully capable of agreeing to the arrangement.  If he was ever capable.  His recovery was unpredictable and could just stop dead in its tracks right now.

 

 

“It was.  I’m not so sure anymore.  After that shit you pulled, Rogers, I’m not sure what we should do.”  Bucky said, taking a step back.

 

 

Steve’s heart started beating faster, this was exactly what he had been worried about this whole time.  Bucky leaving him.  “Please don’t.”  Steve whispered softly.  “You left back in the hospital because you were worried I was in love with Tony.  I tried to distance myself for you, for both of you.  Please don’t.”

 

 

“You should have talked to me.”

 

 

“I know, sweetheart.  I know I should have.  I was just scared.”  Steve said, hoping everything wouldn’t fall apart.  He rubbed his hand quickly over his face.  “I’ll do anything for you.  I don’t know much about dating two people, but I’m willing to try for you.  When Tony can agree to it and he says yes, I’ll give it a shot.  I’ll do anything you want.”

 

 

“Get rid of Anderson.  That’s what I want.”  Bucky said calmly, his face void of emotion as he took another few steps away from Tony and back towards the large windows overlooking the city.  “He’s a monster.  You should have seen how he looked at Tony, how he talks to him.  I don’t trust him.  I want him gone.”

 

 

Steve froze.  “I’m not sure I’m ready to go back to taking care of Tony just yet.  I don’t trust myself enough right now.”  He said slowly.  He could agree to being in a relationship with both of them, because the possibility of it happening was still months away.  Tony had a long way to go before he could agree to something like this, and even if he didn’t want to then that was his choice and it would be respected.  But right now Steve still had a little inkling of a worry he needed to deal with before he could go back, before their thing started.  “And you can’t take care of Tony alone.”

 

 

“Then I’ll have Bruce help me!  Or Rhodes.  Or Happy.  They’ll all be happy to do it just get rid of that damn nurse!”  Bucky was shouting again.  “We need to make sure Tony’s safe.  That he’s alright.  Just get me up there and get rid of that guy.”

 

 

“I’ll talk to him.  I’ll talk to Pepper.  I’ll see what I can do.”  Steve said quickly.  His hands were shaking as he stood up and walked slowly over to him.  “I can fix it.”

 

 

He reached out to hold Bucky’s hand, only to have the fingers slip from his grasp quickly and Bucky stepping back.  “Then fix it.  I want Tony safe and sound and then we should talk.  You hired that man without asking me, Steve.  You can’t do anything like that again.  You have to include me in on the big decisions, that’s a relationship.”  Bucky said firmly, leaving no room for discussion.

 

 

Steve nodded.  He was still in trouble, but he didn’t expect everything to magically be fixed.  This would all be okay soon, he could fix this.  If Kyle had to be fired to make everything alright again then so be it, he really was a stranger no matter how many background checks and psychological evaluations and interviews he and Pepper made the guy do.  It wasn’t right for him to bring a stranger into their home without warning.  If Bucky wanted a relationship with the three of them that could work too, as long as they waited for Tony and Steve researched it enough to understand what it would entail.  He had screwed up and was willing to do anything to make it right again.

 

 

Talking with Bucky had cleared his head, made him see perspectives he hadn’t considered.  He still felt disgusting about his feelings, would never act on them with Tony unable to understand and agree to any of it, and he still didn’t feel right trying to care for him again, but Buck was there, the team was there.  It’ll be alright as soon as he fixed this.

 

 

Now he just had to find a way up to Tony’s floor now that none of them were allowed access.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did that sound alright? There was a lot that needed to be discussed this chapter and hopefully it all sounds alright.  
> Also, sorry. I know I promised Tony this chapter but Steve and Bucky just got so caught up talking about feelings and stuff that I couldn't fit him in. He's coming up soon though. And more discussing everything that's happened here, after they all get to work and make everything okay again (mostly).


	14. Chapter 14

“How long have they been up there alone?”  Steve asked.  The questions had been rolling around inside his head ever since he left Bucky to find a way up to Tony’s floor.  The elevators won’t go up to it, the doors in the stairwell were sealed shut and reinforced in case of emergencies so there was no way for him to just smash through it, and he had vetoed Thor’s idea of just smashing through the ceiling and walls until they got to Tony.  Worst case scenario for that, Tony got hurt, best case scenario was that he would be terrified by all of them bursting from his floor that he would never feel safe around them again.

 

 

Clint was the only way Steve knew could get him in.  He knew the layout of the vents better than anyone, even Tony and he had designed the whole building.  Armed with a lazy cutter Bruce had found in his lab, they made their way up to Tony’s floor.  Several steel bars blocked their path every few feet, somehow Kyle had managed to get the security access to completely isolate Tony’s floor and Steve hadn’t given him those codes.  It was all very concerning.

 

 

“Little over sixteen hours.”  Clint muttered as he cut through the bars blocking his path.  “We should have done this way sooner.  Stupid.”

 

 

Steve didn’t disagree, but he didn’t blame them.  Everyone who had tried to see Tony after the incident that morning where Bucky yelled at Kyle over something as simple as breakfast had probably thought it was a temporary thing, no more than an hour of everyone trying to cool down.  Bucky had stepped away after the fight to clear his head, Clint and Natasha had dragged Steve out for coffee to talk to him, Bruce went down to his lab like he usually did when things got too stressful, and Thor went out with Jane.  Rhodey was gone on some secret mission for the military and Steve had just called Pepper, she was on her way.  No one was waiting around and eagerly waiting to see if their banishment from the floor had lifted.  It wasn’t until hours later that they realized how big of an issue it really was.  Right after his conversation with Bucky he started looking for any entrance he could find and the whole team volunteered to help.

 

 

“Not your fault.  It’s been a stressful few months.”  Steve said as he continued to squeeze himself through the vents.  He didn’t often miss the times when he was a scrawny kid that could hide behind a flag pole but he did now.  “Everyone has been so on edge from everything going on they just needed to step away for a bit.”

 

 

Clint scoffed as he effortlessly made his way further into the vent.  “Oh yeah.  Just step away for a little bit to cool down.  Like you did?”  He said.  “You’re absolutely right.  We should go back.  Tell the whole team to take a break.  Tony will be just fine spending a few weeks with that stranger you hired who decided to lock us all out.”

 

 

Steve sighed.  He supposed he deserved that.  “I was just trying to do what was best for Tony’s care.”

 

 

“We’re a family, Steve.  The best thing for Tony’s care is to be around people he knows and trusts, not some stranger you picked up off the side of the road.”  Clint muttered bitterly.  They were close to Tony’s floor.  The soft, familiar scent of motor oil, metal, and expensive cologne that stuck around Tony no matter how many showers he had was slowly starting to filter through the vents.  They were so close and then they would have this whole thing sorted out.

 

 

“I didn’t find him on the side of the road.  Pepper called a few agencies to get resumes, did extensive background checks and had them all speak to a psychologist to make sure they were mentally sound, and then we interviewed them extensively before making our choice.”  Steve said, mostly for himself.  Everything was fine, they had been thorough, there was no chance they had seriously misjudged that guy and let someone dangerous around Tony.

 

 

“Well, I’m glad you three decided to take control over Tony’s entire life and decide some stranger would be best for him than us without telling anyone you were bringing him in.  People want to kill us, Steve, and they want to kill Tony more than anything.  No matter how much you study a guy you still can’t look into his brain to figure out what his actual intentions are.  Sometimes bad apples slip through inspection.  Bringing in a stranger without talking to the team about it was the worst thing you could do.”  Clint said harshly.  “Whatever.  Let’s just fix this and then have a team meeting where we talk about shit for once.”

 

 

Steve didn’t comment.  The more he listened to the team angrily talk about how much he messed up, the more it made sense.  He really did make a mess of things.  Steve didn’t know how he could have been so stupid.  If they get up there and Tony is fine, it’ll be a relief and Steve would forever be thankful, but Kyle would have to go.  He had been here long enough and he really shouldn’t have been in the tower in the first place.  Even if Steve thought he was incapable of taking care of Tony at the moment, the whole team seemed willing to step up to the task.

 

 

When they finally reached Tony’s floor Clint had no trouble getting off the metal grate and dropping himself to the floor.  Steve had a harder time trying to squeeze his large form out and his path to the ground was a lot less graceful.  The floor was too quiet.  The past few months when he, Bucky, and Tony had lived on this floor it was constantly filled with some kind of noise.  The tv was almost always on, when Tony took a nap Bucky thought playing ocean sounds would be relaxing for him, there was talking.  Now there was nothing but silence.

 

 

It wasn’t that late, the sun had barely set so no one should be in bed yet.  Around this time, based on the old schedule that Steve used to keep for him, Tony should be relaxing after a day full of physical therapists and exercises.  Tony would usually be sprawled out on the couch with his favorite blankets and watching Brain Games on Netflix while Bucky makes everyone hot chocolate.  They had a routine.

 

 

No one was in the entertainment room.  Tony’s blanket was on the couch, but Tony wasn’t.  Clint turned around and rushed down the hallway towards the bedrooms without a word.  They probably wouldn’t be down that way either.  An icy dread curled its way around Steve’s stomach and constricted.  He felt like he was going to throw up.  Tony was fine, he had to be safe.  Steve couldn’t live with himself if another one of his decisions got Tony hurt.

 

 

“They’re not back here.”  He hears Clint shout from the bedrooms. 

 

 

Steve sighed, of course they weren’t there.  They were gone.  Dozens of terrifying scenarios rushed through his head.  The others were right and Kyle had run off with Tony at his first chance he got.  They could be in a different country by now, Tony could be hurt, scared, or even dead.  He could have taken Tony and sold him to the worst villain willing to pay some high amount of cash for him.  He could have done any number of things to him.

 

 

He shook his head quickly.  He couldn’t think like that.  Tony had a large penthouse, they could still be here somewhere.  Turning away from the empty room, Steve made his way around the floor.  He looked in every door he passed, from the closets to the bathrooms, and found Tony and Kyle nowhere.  His path took him to the living room, much like the entertainment room with its large tv and long, plush couches, but without all the consoles, dvd stands, and whatever else Tony had hooked up to the tv that Steve never learned how to use.

 

 

The living room also had a very clear view of the kitchen.  Steve froze in surprise and concern as he saw Wanda and Vision sitting at the kitchen island and digging through the cabinets.  A wave of confusion washed over him as he slowly walked up to them.  Maybe they knew something, like what Kyle has been up to and where Tony was.

 

 

He stopped when he reached the kitchen counters, Vision turned to greet him and Wanda didn’t seem to notice his presence.  “What the hell are you guys doing here?”  Steve asked, his voice eerily calm.

 

 

“We are looking for Tony.”  Vision said.  “Everyone seemed rather upset about his forced isolation so we came to check on him.”

 

 

“Okay, that’s nice.”  Steve said.  The answer didn’t help his confusion in the slightest.  “How did you get up here?”

 

 

“I came in through the window.”  Wanda said, finally looking over to Steve as she pulled a box of twinkies from the cabinet and waved lazily at one of the large windows that overlooked the city.

 

 

“The window?  Oh gosh, of course the windows.”  That seemed like an obvious solution.  A large portion of the team could fly, why hadn’t he thought about sending them in through the windows.  The windows of the tower open remotely just in case they need to suit up and be out of the tower as quickly as possible.  The half an hour he spent crawling through the dusty, cramped vents now seemed useless.  He looked over to Vision.

 

 

"I just drifted inside."

 

 

“Great.  Where’s Tony?”  Steve said, not bothering to question further.

 

 

“I don’t know.”  Wanda said.  She put down the twinkies and frowned, her gaze distant and unfocused.  “I can’t hear him very well.  He’s usually louder than this.  Stark is close, but his mind is far quieter than it should be.  I need a moment.”

 

 

Steve nodded.  He hardly ever understood what she said, but from what he had gathered was that her little trip inside their heads back during the fight with Ultron and the large amounts of time she was spending with the team now gave her the capability to sense the team better.  It was a useful skill as long as she stayed on their side.

 

 

He took a step back and waited, silently willing Wanda to find him faster.  They had to find Tony and he had to be okay.  That was the most important thing in the world right now.  Kyle was harmless, he didn’t at all appear dangerous or untrustworthy in all the meetings they had had, but now there was an annoying shade of doubt in his mind.  What if he was wrong and he and Pepper didn’t recognize the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

 

 

“What are these two doing here?”  Clint said, appearing next to Steve.

 

 

“They came in through the window to look for Tony.”  He said softly, nodding as Clint mouthed ‘the window’ soundlessly.  “Yeah, and now Wanda’s trying to sense him so we can find him.”

 

 

“Alright.  I’ll call Nat.  We’ll give her the location as soon as we hear it.”  Clint said and took a step back, pulling his phone from his pocket.

 

 

The minutes seemed to stretch on for an eternity.  Wanda silently nibbled on snack cakes as her unfocused eyes drifted over the many signs of life around the room, Bucky’s mug that hung from a hook next to the coffee machine, Tony’s favorite cereals above the fridge, and all the different color plates that sat in the sink.  She was looking for a connection, some foothold to get herself into his head and figure out where he was.  At least, that’s what Steve thought she was doing.  He had no idea how her abilities worked.

 

 

Wanda straightened herself quickly and her eyes turned to Steve.  “They’re at the pool.”  She said.

 

 

Steve nodded as he heard Clint relay the information to Natasha over the phone.  They both ran for the elevator as Wanda and Vision stayed in the kitchen.  Steve didn’t know if the doors would open for him, if however Kyle had locked them out of the floor meant that they were also locked out of the elevator, but he had never been so relieved to have doors slide open for him and a button to light up as he hit it.

 

 

The pool.  Why on Earth would Kyle take Tony down to the pool?  Tony hated the pool, he couldn’t stand being in the water.  He was far too prone to panic attacks and flashbacks, especially now that his mind was too busy trying to repair itself to be blocking out old traumas.  Tony took showers instead of baths, even when he could hardly stand, he had only ever agreed to the single pool session with his physical therapist and even then he could hardly be in the water for more than a few minutes and only with Rhodey holding him close.  There was no reason to take Tony down to the pool alone.

 

 

The elevator doors slid open.  The scene in front of him would have seemed harmless to someone who didn’t look that long.  Tony was sitting by the water’s edge, wearing shorts and a t-shirt that were dripping wet with his hands curled tightly against his soaked fabric.  Kyle stood a few feet away, his phone in his hand.  It wouldn’t have looked that bad if not for the water dripping off of Tony’s hair.  Tony’s head had been in the water, Tony would have never allowed his head to be in the water.

 

 

Steve had taken a single step off of the elevator when the door to the stairwell burst open and the rest of the team came rushing out.  Bucky made a beeline straight for Tony, completely ignoring everyone else in the room.  Steve decided to go talk to Kyle, get an understanding on what the hell had happened.  Clint and Natasha followed him, everyone else went to go see about Tony.

 

 

Kyle looked up from his phone and glanced at the team as they passed him by on their way towards Tony.  When he saw Steve walking towards him his face lit up with a large smile.  “Oh, hello Captain Rogers.  Great to see you, it’s been a while.”  He looked back at Tony, who was whispering softly to Bucky, allowing himself to be completely wrapped up in Bucky’s large arms.  “Tony said he wanted to come down and give the pool a try.”

 

 

“No he didn’t.”  Steve said quickly.  He tried and failed to ignore the way his hands started to shake and every muscle in his body clenched as if preparing for an attack.  “In all the years I’ve known Tony the words, ‘I want to go to the pool’ have never left his mouth.”

 

 

Kyle seemed taken aback by the comment, his eyes darting over the three of them as they confronted him.  “Well, he did.  He said he wanted to give it a shot.  It’s what he asked for.”

 

 

It was a lie, an obvious one based on the slight change in his voice and the increased rate he was glancing back at Tony.  It was wrong, it was all wrong.  What had been going on that week he had separated himself from everyone, where he allowed Kyle free reign over Tony and abandoned the team to keep an eye on him?  Tony looked exhausted, his eyes half open as he shivered in Bucky’s arms, Thor looked about ready to summon Mjolnir and beat it against something until it broke, and Bruce had a deep look of concern as his eyes raked over Tony to look for signs of damage.

 

 

“Anderson, you’re fired.”  Steve said quickly.  He grabbed Kyle by the front of his shirt forcefully and dragged him over to the seats off to the side.  Clint and Natasha followed him.  If all the team's suspicions were true and he had hurt Tony in some way then it was unlikely that this man would make it out of the tower unharmed.  Steve was terrified, there was a very real possibility that he had gotten Tony hurt again, had allowed some vicious monster around the man he loved when he was at his most vulnerable, and that something terrible could have happened this week.  “I think we all need to have a talk about what’s going on here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's super late so I probably missed stuff so please feel free to call out typos if you see them and I will fix them as soon as I can. You're all amazing.  
> More coming soon, really soon hopefully. I loved this chapter.  
> Did you guys like it? Theories and comments?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter because you've all been so wonderful and a lot of you wanted a fast update. I hope you like it, you're all amazing.

Steve didn’t speak, he just held Kyle’s gaze as the man shifted and fidgeted in front of him.  It was going to be a short talk.  Steve had Clint and Natasha by his side, both of them were highly trained in ways of getting people to spill their secrets and Kyle didn’t seem like the kind of man brave and stupid enough to try to keep quiet.  The way he seemed to be trembling with fear, Steve was positive that all he had to do was take a step towards the man and he would tell them everything they need to know.

 

 

Tony was still in the room though.  A quick glance over in his direction showed that he was still in Bucky’s arms, his face buried in his shirt and his arms hanging limply at his sides.  He would give anything in the world to be able to walk over there and hold Tony, make sure he was alright, and promise to never abandon him again.  No matter how disgusted he was with himself, he should have known Tony would be safer with them.

 

 

It wasn’t that long of a wait for Bucky to lift Tony off the ground and gently carry him towards the elevator, the rest of the team trailing close behind.  Bruce kept pace with Bucky, his eyes still scanning all of Tony’s exposed skin in search of some sign that he was harmed.  Steve couldn’t tell if he found any, but if he was going to go by the deep furrow in Bruce’s brow and his clenched jaw then he was willing to guess he had.  Thor looked absolutely murderous, thankfully most of his attention seemed to be on hovering around Tony protectively so he didn’t start attacking.  Kyle had hurt Tony.  Steve had hired him, and he had hurt Tony.

 

 

The silence lasted just long enough for the rest of the team to get Tony out of the room.  He had looked exhausted, completely run-down and about ready to fall apart.  The added stress of being around people who were yelling and threatening and, most likely, hurting someone would not be good for him.

 

 

“You hurt Tony.”  Steve said calmly, turning his full attention back on Kyle.  He watched silently as the man squirmed, his eyes darting all around the large room that held the pool and was circled with many different kinds of chairs for the team to be lounging in.  He was probably debating on whether or not they would drown him or beat him over the head with one of the more sturdier seats, at least Steve was thinking about it. 

 

 

Whatever Kyle had going on in his head, he had seemed to decide on the truth.  His eyes returned to Steve and he nodded slowly.  “Yes, technically I did but it was never anything serious.  I didn’t want to hurt him, I just wanted to watch.”

 

 

It didn’t quite make sense, but Kyle had held his gaze and kept his voice steady.  Steve was willing to trust that he told the truth.  That meant that Steve had made just another mistake and Tony had gotten hurt because of it, again.  How could Bucky expect the three of them to be happy together when every time Steve made a mistake Tony was the one who got hurt?  Tony needed to be loved, cared for, and protected.  The last thing he needed was to worry about how Steve was going to put him in danger again.

 

 

“What happened this past week?”  Steve asked.  Kyle opened his mouth but Steve quickly raised a hand to silence him.  “No, not you.  I don’t care what you have to say.  You’re just going to lie again.  I want to hear it from them, you can explain yourself after.”  Kyle’s mouth snapped closed with an audible click.  Bucky had been around Tony and Kyle the most for the past week, he would have the most accurate knowledge of what’s been going on.  He would have to ask later.

 

 

Natasha stepped forward.  “The first day was tough.  Tony refused to eat, couldn’t sleep, and about halfway through the night he couldn’t lay in bed anymore and started wandering around his floor.”  She said slowly.  “Barnes called up Rhodey and me to help him when Tony started throwing things and shouting.  It was just a usual bad night at first.  He was agitated, confused, and just wanted to lash out.”

 

 

Steve nodded, he understood.  Although Tony had been getting better each and every day while Steve was with him, slowly becoming more aware and more focused, there was still the occasional bad days where Tony couldn’t seem to remember where he was or he would be angry that he couldn’t do everything like he used to and panic.  There was always a lot of screaming and plenty of broken glass to sweep up, but most importantly he and Bucky, and whoever they had called in to help, were entirely focused on making sure Tony didn’t hurt himself.  The night Steve left was probably incredibly stressful for him, he wasn’t surprised the day had taken a bad turn.

 

 

“It was worse than it usually is.”  Natasha continued.  “He seemed so lost and confused.  Normally he doesn’t recognize where he is when he has these episodes, but that night he knew he was in the tower he just couldn’t understand where you were.  He kept telling us that you were supposed to be here but he had ruined it.  He would calm down if Bucky was around and he didn’t seem particularly angry at me or Rhodey, mostly he just seemed pissed off at everything else around him.  He threw things he knew he would break and shouted until his voice was hoarse until he was so tired he just fell right to sleep on the floor.  Kyle didn’t do anything the entire time.”

 

 

That was worrying.  Perhaps he was just trying to step back and let the team handle the situation since they knew more about what was going on than he did, but if they hadn’t have been there and he continued to do nothing then Tony could have seriously gotten hurt.  The idea of it made Steve’s stomach turn.

 

 

“What else?” Steve asked quickly.  It wasn’t that bad, all things considered.  Kyle was still fired but if all he did to Tony was step back while he tried to do damage then this could probably be fixed relatively easy.  Tony wouldn’t have been hurt, Bucky wouldn’t be angry for long, and Steve can do whatever he can to make this right.  It wasn’t that simple though, Kyle had still locked them all out.  He had the perfect opportunity to do something horrible.  Chances are, he had done something, and depending on what it was it was likely that no one would trust Steve again.  “What else happened this past week?”

 

 

“Tony was sick for a few days.  The day after you left it started getting bad, we just thought the stress was getting to him.”  Clint said slowly, turning slightly to glare at Kyle.  “I don’t know what, but I bet he did something to him.  Tony went from being perfectly healthy to being unable to get out of bed.  He was shaking like crazy, he was throwing up, wouldn’t eat, and wouldn’t sleep.  We were all terrified.”

 

 

This was news.  He didn’t know anything about Tony being sick.  “Is he alright?  Why didn’t you guys tell me?”  He asked quickly.  Natasha turned her icy stare to Steve.

 

 

“You locked yourself away.  You were so busy trying to get away from Tony and wait for Bucky that you separated yourself from the team.”  Natasha said, her voice calm and steady.  Steve nodded.  They were blaming him, he could understand that.  He should have been there.

 

 

“A few days later he was fine.  Kinda.  He wasn’t throwing up anymore, he was calmer, but he seemed pretty out of it.”  Clint said.  He took a few steps closer to Kyle and grabbed him by the hair, yanking it harshly.  Steve didn’t stop him. 

 

 

“Out of it how?”

 

 

The tension in the room seemed to grow as Clint and Natasha shared a look.  They both seemed nervous, unhappy, anxious.  Their professionalism kept it hidden, but not as well as it usually was.  Natasha was biting her lower lip, Clint kept running a hand threw his hair, they were both doing very subtle and hardly ever seen quirks to indicate their stress. 

 

 

The two of them seemed to have come to an agreement.  Clint nodded and tugged harder on Kyle’s hair and Natasha addressed Steve.  “He’s unfocused, confused.  Like he used to be just after his injury.  He doesn’t know what’s going on, he hardly eats, he doesn’t sleep.  He just lays there and asks the same questions over and over until Anderson takes him to the doctors or to see his physical therapists.”

 

 

That concerned him.  Tony was not only able but he was completely willing to eat anything Bucky laid in front of him during meals before Steve left.  He slept all the time, if it was a good day he could be expected to take a good nap and then sleep through the night until Bucky got him up for breakfast in the morning.  He had recovered enough to understand what was going on around him, he wasn’t distracted or confused.  Somehow, in the span of a week, Tony seemed to have backtracked.

 

 

“It’s been like that for about four days.”  Clint said.  “In that time Kyle somehow has become the only guy to take Tony to the doctors and physical therapists, leaving Bucky on the communal floor lost and concerned.  And over that time Tony’s just been getting worse.”

 

 

“Let me tell you, you guys didn’t make it easy.”  Kyle said.  He hissed as Clint tightened his grip on his hair and tried to pull away.  Steve wanted to amend him for at least trying to pretend he was calm.  Kyle’s voice was steady, but his hands were shaking violently.  “Come on, Rogers.  You’re Captain America.  You don’t torture people.”

 

 

“I’m not doing anything.”  Steve said coolly.  It was the truth, he would hardly consider any of this torture and the hand curled around his hair was Clint’s, not his.

 

 

Clint pulled harder, this time even yanking hard enough to pull Kyle from his chair.  “What did you do to Tony?”

 

 

Kyle’s hands wrapped around Clint’s wrist, but were unable to release the too hard grip on his hair.  The more he fought the more desperate he seemed to get, kicking out at Clint’s legs and missing.  This went on for several seconds until Clint just sighed and kicked Kyle to the ground, pinning him down and yanking at his hair once again.

 

 

“What did you do to Tony?”  Clint asked again, his voice getting lower.

 

 

“Alright, alright, just get off of me.”  Kyle said quickly.  Clint didn’t move.  “I messed with his medications.  That’s it.”

 

 

The room froze.  Clint didn’t get off of Kyle, but he did pull back slightly and hold his breath.  Natasha tensed up next to him and became so still she was practically a statue.  Steve could feel the blood cooling inside him, his muscles were tensing harshly as his stomach flipped.

 

 

“You did what?”  Steve asked.  This was bad.  Tony’s medications were important.  He was on medications for the pain to help him through his many headaches and sore muscles, anti-convulsants to stop the seizures, an anti-depressant to deal with Tony’s frequent issues with anxiety and insomnia, and donepezil to help with his improve his memory and attention.  Messing with his medications without doctor oversight could cause serious problems, no wonder Tony was doing worse.

 

 

“He had been on pain meds for months and Barnes was so focused on making Tony comfortable, fed, and cared for that he didn’t even notice me switching the pills out.”  Kyle said as he tried once again to pull himself out of Clint’s grasp.  It was a mistake because the moment he tried to move Clint’s hand that was curled around his hair had pulled to lift his head into the air and then slammed it back down to the ground.  Not hard enough to damage, but enough to be painful.

 

 

Natasha stepped forward, stopping once she was towering over the now panicked man pinned to the floor.  She placed her hand on Clint’s shoulder as a silent signal of companionship and continued to stare down at Kyle.  He looked up to Natasha, terror clear in his eyes as he shook his head and dropped his gaze to the floor.  Kyle was crying now, but no longer trying to wiggle out from under Clint.

 

 

“I just wanted to watch.  Withdrawal hit him hard, he got sick, and I just sat back and watched.”  He murmured softly.  “All I ever wanted was to watch.”

 

 

“You wanted to watch him suffer.”  Natasha said simply.  If Steve hadn’t known her as well as he did she probably would have sounded calm, but he heard the slight drop in her tone.  She was furious.  He almost felt bad for the man.  “Surely there was a reason for that.  Most people don’t just decide to spend their lives building a career as a nurse in the military simply because of the slim chance they can abuse an international superhero.”

 

 

“Well, wasn’t really the plan in the beginning, but after the opportunity presented itself I couldn’t help myself.”  Kyle said as he nodded quickly.  “I didn’t even know it was Stark who I was hired to take care of.  A friend just told me the company was hiring and it would be good for me to have the company on my references.  I guess things worked out great for me.”

 

 

Clint leans over, lifting his leg off of Kyle’s left side and leaving it open for Natasha to give a swift kick.  Kyle lets out a soft whine as he tries to curl in on himself, unable to as Clint retakes his position.  “You keep talking like that and we’ll see if Cap here would be more willing to take a little stroll while Romanoff and I see how chatty you can be.”  Clint said in a forced calm.

 

 

Kyle’s eyes widened as he glanced between Clint and Natasha before turning his gaze to Steve and begging.  “No. No, that won’t be necessary.  I’ll say whatever you want.”  Kyle said, his voice beginning to shake as more tears fell from his eyes.  “It’s Stark’s fault.  I just wanted to see him hurt after what he did!”

 

 

“What did he do?”  Steve asked.  He was tempted to sigh, whenever Tony was attacked by someone with an apparent personal vendetta it was always the same song and dance.  He build weapons, he fired them from Stark Industries for building doomsday devices, he kept them at meetings for too long and they missed the birth of a grandchild, every villain trying to attack Tony had blamed him for one thing or another, blamed him for forcing their hand.  It made Steve sick every time it happened and the fact that it was happening again because of him made it so much worse. 

 

 

“He killed my brother.”  Kyle said, the fear in his eyes quickly replaced with anger.  Clint sighed and pulled a knife out of his boot and twirled it around on his fingers as a sign of impatience.  It had the desired effect, Kyle started giving whatever explanation he had as quickly as he could.  “We were both in the military, you know.  Then Stark stopped making weapons, I never thought it would be good but Geoff thought it was great.  He was happy for that piece of shit.  But as time went on the quality of equipment started going down, nothing could ever beat Stark Tech.  He got killed out there.”

 

 

It was a tragedy, Steve had seen many good soldiers die in the line of duty.  Usually though, their surviving relatives don’t start attacking anyone they feel like pinning the blame on.  Clint and Natasha shared another look, one that lasted just a few short seconds but the two of them had probably communicated a great deal of information in that time.  Natasha nodded and returned to Steve’s side.

 

 

“You should get going.  Everyone’s down in Bruce’s lab, you should make sure they’re all alright.”  Natasha said.  She wasn’t giving him an escape, she was asking for permission.  Kyle may have a deep hatred towards Tony, but he didn’t have the capabilities to hide all of his anger and issues from the numerous tests and interviews he had to go through, he certainly didn’t know that getting this job would lead him straight to Tony, and he didn’t seem smart or capable enough to hack into their security systems and lock them all out,.  This was bigger, someone had helped him.  “Take Anderson’s phone too, see what you can find.  We’ll let you know if he says anything more.”

 

 

Steve nods.  They weren’t going to kill him, at least not with what they had now.  If Kyle turned out to have taken things further than it already had then that would change.  Right now he would be lucky to make it out of the tower with all of his fingers and toes.  He’ll go and apologize to everyone and look for any way he can make this right again.  He’ll give Clint and Natasha their chance to release their pent up frustrations and anger and pain over being unable to protect their friend when he needed them.  Kyle will survive the night.

 

 

The elevator ride down to Bruce’s lab was far too quiet.  Without Jarvis to make small talk with and a distinct lack of elevator music all Steve had to occupy the time was his own thoughts and guilt.  He had done this, he had handed Tony off to that man.  He was sure there was a way to fix this, to make things right again.  Steve didn’t know what though, all he had done since the moment they were called off on that mission all those months ago was make mistake after mistake and put Tony in danger.  He didn’t know what to do now.

 

 

The doors slid open and he walked into Bruce’s lab.  Tony was curled up on one of the couches, his eyes closed and his body limp.  The skin under his eyes appeared to be a deep purple against Tony’s too pale skin, he seemed thinner than before, more gangly, exhausted.  The cast was gone off of his left arm, so many weeks had passed since the incident that it felt weird to see the cast gone.  Bucky sat in chair next to him, a protective vigil.  Thor was with him, standing by his side as he looked down at Tony’s sleeping form with a dark frown on his face.  Pepper appeared to have arrived while he was at the pool with Clint, Natasha, and Kyle.  She was standing in front of a computer screen with Bruce, the two of them whispering frantically.

 

 

Steve walked up to the two of them and held up the phone.  “He’s been talking.  Apparently it’s a personal vendetta, but we think he had outside help.  Wondering if you could look into this?”  Steve said, waving the phone around a bit.  Bruce simply glanced at it and nodded.

 

 

Pepper walked up to Steve quickly and grabbed him by the shoulders.  “What did he do?  Did he tell you what he did?  Ever since I got here all Tony’s been doing is staring at me with these terrifyingly lifeless eyes and has been speaking nonsense.  He told me that ‘onions were the devils fruit’.  Usually he doesn’t make sense but it’s usually an advanced science chat that confuses me.  What did that monster do to him?”

 

 

“He said he switched around Tony’s medications so he would go into withdrawal.”  Steve said.  He looked over to Bruce.

 

 

“That makes sense.”  Bruce said softly.  “Explains why he got so sick so fast, but it doesn’t explain why he just stopped having symptoms.  I’ll run a blood test.”

 

 

Steve nodded.  “Shouldn’t we get him back on his old medicine?  He’s been off them for at least six days.”  He said.  Those medications were important, they were helping. 

 

 

Bruce shook his head and looked over to where Tony was still curled up on the couch.  “No, not until we figure out what else he might have been given and call his doctor.  I don’t want him to get hurt anymore.”  Bruce said.  He hunched his shoulders a bit as he spoke and kept his eyes down when he turned back to Steve.  “There’s some bruising around his right wrist.  I think the guy hurt him.”

 

 

Steve sighed.  Of course the guy hurt him.  He was here simply because he hated Tony, people who hate Tony as much as Kyle did usually didn’t settle with watching him suffer, they wanted to actively participate in it.  Pepper’s hand went to grip Steve, her fingernails digging into his palm.  She was pale, shaking.  He carefully extracted his hand from hers.

 

 

“This is my fault.  Oh my god.”  Pepper whispered.  Steve shook his head as he put his hands on her shoulders and gently guided her to sit down. 

 

 

“It’s not your fault.  You just wanted Tony to have the best possible care and you didn’t want Bucky and me to work ourselves too hard.  No one blames you.”  Steve said softly.

 

 

Pepper shook her head and looked away.  She still thought it was her fault, but no one blamed her.  No one should.  If anyone was at fault it was him, Steve had caused the injury with his leadership, he had gone behind everyone’s back and had Pepper help him to hire Kyle, and then left Tony alone with him.  He should have been there, even if he was running away from Tony and his feelings for him.  He should have stopped Kyle from isolating Tony bit by bit until he locked the team out completely, he should have stopped Kyle from making Tony sick, and he should have been there to protect him, to stop whatever happened at the pool or at any other time Kyle did something to hurt Tony that they weren’t there to stop.  They didn’t know everything that had happened yet, what horrible things that might have occurred when the team was busy or distracted and Kyle got a few precious minutes alone with Tony.  He didn’t know how deep the damage had gone, but if he couldn’t find a way to fix it then he at least had to find a way to put all the broken pieces together to resemble something good.  This was Steve’s fault and he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have mixed feelings about this chapter, I don't hate it but I don't love it. I'll just trust your judgement.  
> Hopefully Kyle reveals more of what's been going on, hopefully Tony will be alright, hopefully Steve can pull his shit together and also talks to people some more and gets himself together because he's not doing too good. He needs to learn how to talk about his feelings.  
> Thank you!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, surprise chapter on Steve's Birthday. Happy Birthday, Steve. I finished this early because I've gotten so into this story that I've started to neglect everything else in my life.

Tony came back positive for a number of sedatives and tranquilizers, a very high concentration meant to keep him quiet and confused.  Bruce called numerous doctors and formed a plan to get him off of what Anderson had put him on and back onto his previous medications without making him sick again.  Thor had gone to pick up Tony’s new prescriptions.

 

 

“Has he had any seizures since he’s been off the medication?”  Bruce asked.  Tony was awake now, he had slept for hours after Bucky had carried him down to Bruce’s lab to get him away from everything.  He was awake, but avoided all eye contact and didn’t once move to get off of the couch.  He simply laid there and allowed everyone to simply move about around him.  “Any complaints of pain?”

 

 

Bucky shrugged.  “Two I think.  There was one when he first got sick and another shortly after he stopped throwing up everywhere.  If there were more I wasn’t there to see them.  He complained that his head hurt a lot.”  He said slowly.  Tony glanced up quickly as he spoke, a brief second of eye contact before Tony’s gaze fell back down to his hands.  “Do you know how many seizures you’ve had this past week, Tony?”

 

 

Bucky’s voice was soft when he asked the question, Tony didn’t answer.  He never answered anyone’s questions and only rarely seemed to notice people trying to talk to him.  Steve was worried, Tony seemed to have lost his connection to the world after months of struggling to get it back.  He was conscious, seemed to be aware, but not participating with the life around him. Bruce smiled and returnedto his computer, Pepper hovering over his shoulder to see what he was doing.

 

 

Bucky leaned forward slowly with a soft, gentle smile.  “Tony, baby.  Look at me please.”  He whispered, his voice coming out more of a beg than a command.  “Come on, sweetheart.  Let us see those pretty eyes you got.”

 

 

It worked.  Tony glanced up at the two of them with the smallest smile Steve had ever seen.  It was a beautiful sight.  But all too quickly Tony’s head drooped back down, this time letting his hand curl over the back of his head.  Steve sighed, Tony wasn’t usually this quiet.  Not even when the injury had happened and he had finally woken up.   He had woken up from his coma and was able to groan and mumble, within a day he was able to speak a handful of short words.  It had been a long time since those first days and Tony had gotten to the point where he was able to hold a conversation, now he was too quiet.

 

 

Steve reached out, slowly so not to startle him and carefully tried to project his movements, and laid his fingers on the hand Tony had pressed against the back of his head.  It was a small comfort, their first bit of physical contact since he had left him with Kyle over a week ago.  The touch didn’t last long because in the blink of an eye Tony had jerked himself away and was quickly scooting towards the other end of the couch.

 

 

“No.  I don’t,” Tony mumbled quickly, his voice soft and his eyes unfocused.  He paused in the middle of his sentence, his eyes scanned the room quickly before dropping his head into his hands.  “I don’t… _want_ that.  Leave me alone.”

 

 

It was the most Tony had said since he woke up that morning.  It was good to hear his voice after the week Steve had been avoiding him, but he wished the reunion was under better circumstances.  Tony hadn’t even acknowledged him yet, which Steve guessed was okay since Tony had hardly said more than fifteen words to anyone.  He shared a sad look at Bucky as he dropped his hand into his lap.

 

 

“Tony, are you okay?”  Steve asked softly.  Something was bothering him, based on the way Tony kept his face buried in one of his hands while the other one returned to the back of his head, his fingers curling into his hair to hold on.  Tony had started to rock himself back and forth slightly and he was quietly humming.  Tony was trying to comfort himself.

 

 

“Are you in any pain?”  Bucky said, leaning in slightly closer.  It would make sense, Tony had been off of his painkillers for a while and now that the sedatives he was given were wearing off he could probably feel it all coming back to him.  Tony didn’t say anything, but after a few minutes of silence he nodded slightly.  “Do you want a glass of water?”

 

 

“No.”  Tony whispered quickly.  “No no no nonono.”  He started repeating over and over under his breath.

 

 

“That’s okay, love.  You don’t have to have one if you don’t want one.  We’ll just have to make sure you drink something later, you have to stay hydrated.”  Bucky said.  His voice was gentle and soft, calming to hear.  Tony seemed to relax slightly at the sound of it.  “Do you want to lie down?”

 

 

Tony paused, appearing to contemplate the questions, and then shook his head.  Tony was in pain, he was uncomfortable, and he wouldn’t let them help.  It was hard enough trying to get him to tell them what was wrong. 

 

 

Bruce kept his distance, it was what Tony seemed to want, but he hated it just as much as Steve and Bucky did.  Instead of sitting around and making sure Tony was as comfortable as possible like those two were, he threw himself into his work.  Steve appreciated it, Bruce was a scientist, he enjoyed solving problems and answering questions, and if those problems and questions revolved around finding out who Kyle’s been communicating with and how he managed to lock them off of Tony’s floor, then he wasn’t going to complain.

 

 

“I’ve been looking into the security network and I found the lines of code he used to lock us out.  Tony’s way better at this computer stuff than I am but I can probably get all of our access back.”  Bruce said, calling out from his seat in front of his computer.  “I’m still working on figuring out who Anderson’s been calling.”

 

 

“Thanks, Bruce.  You’ve been a big help, I really appreciate it.”  Steve said.  Bruce smiled, nodding in acknowledgement, and turned back to his computer.

 

 

The room settled into silence.  The only way they would get Tony up to his floor is if they could convince him to stand up and walk, it was probably unlikely that Tony would agree to be carried now that the sedatives were wearing off.  It appeared like he didn’t even like Bucky touching him, gently stroking his fingers and hands like he always used to do.

 

 

Tony curled up in the corner of the couch and buried his face into the worn fabric on the cushions.  He seemed desperate to hide his face away, although he occasionally glanced at Bucky he had yet to even acknowledge Steve.

 

 

“I’m sorry.”  Steve said, turning to Bucky.  He was staring at Tony, his face showing concern for everything that must be going on inside his head.  This was Steve’s fault.  “I should have talked to you.  You were there doing just as much for Tony as I was since the beginning.”

 

 

“Yeah, we were a team.  We split the duties, Stevie.  Who did you think was waking Tony up every morning?  Who was making him breakfast and combing his hair?  I did a lot for him, you should have talked to me before this happened.”  Bucky muttered quickly, his voice was angry but quiet.  Steve was thankful, he didn’t think he could handle more yelling at the moment.  Bucky was right, he was always the one to wake up early and get Tony ready for the day.  Steve took him to every doctor, since Bucky quickly became uncomfortable with all the tests Tony needed done, and to every physical therapist, Bucky occasionally liked to tag along to those.

 

 

“I’m so sorry.  I should have asked, I know.  But I should have never asked you to help me with him in the first place.  I’m sorry I pushed this on you.  Tony’s injury was because of me, he was my responsibility, and I dragged you into this.”  Steve said.  Bucky shook his head and rolled his eyes.  “Then I just left you and Tony with someone else, I really fucked up.”

 

 

“You just don’t listen, do you Rogers?”  Bucky barked out quickly.  Steve blinked, raising an eyebrow in question.  “Tony isn’t your fucking responsibility.  He’s our friend, he’s our family, it’s our job to look out for him, just like it was his job to look out for all of us.  It’s not simply _your_ job to make sure he’s alright, it’s all of our jobs.  After giving us a place to live, building all the equipment we need in the field, and putting up with us for so long it is the whole team’s job to take care of Tony.”

 

 

Steve almost hated how much sense Bucky was making.  He always was the voice of reason all throughout their friendship, but it sent another wave of guilt stabbing its way through Steve’s chest knowing that if they had this conversation before Steve had done the stupid thing and hired Kyle then none of this would have happened.  He had just been so focused on himself, so sure that he was a problem and needed to be replaced, that he didn’t think about anyone else.  If Steve was being honest with himself, he wasn’t thinking about Tony either when he made that choice.

 

 

He heard Bruce murmur in agreement from the other side of the lab.  Of course Bruce would agree with Bucky.  Bruce and Tony were great friends, it was wrong of Steve to assume he was the only one who had any interest in Tony’s care.  Bucky and Tony were great friends too.

 

 

“I’m sorry.”  Steve said again.  He was doing quite a bit of apologies lately.  “I should have realized you cared about Tony just as much as I did.  Hell, you guys spent so much time together even before this happened that I should have realized it.”

 

 

Bucky looked at him, his eyes carefully scanning Steve’s face.  “Don’t worry.  I didn’t fall in love with him until he started falling asleep on me and giving me that huge dorky smile all the time.”  Bucky said calmly, all traces of anger seemed to have disappeared.  It was probably still there, would be brought up later, but it seemed like they were done arguing for now.  Steve understood, the past few months they’ve seen Tony smile in a way he never used to, his face more relaxed and his eyes wrinkling.  It was beautiful.  “Before we were just friends.  Sure, I thought he was attractive, but I mostly hung out with him because it was easy.”

 

 

Steve waited, silently hoping that Bucky would continue.  Back before the mission and before Tony’s injury, the two of them had spent a lot of time together.  They were friends, enjoyed each other’s company.  Steve was happy but he never quite understood the dynamics of their relationship.

 

 

“He didn’t ask too many questions, didn’t try to get me to talk about anything.  I would just go hang out with him and he would ramble about his projects for a little bit and then get so busy building whatever that we would just sit in silence for a long time.  It was nice.”  Bucky said.  He turned back to Tony, who still had his face pressed against the couch cushion and his hand was slowly rubbing circles into the back of his head.

 

 

“So you just hung out in his lab all day a few times a week because he didn’t care if you talked to him?”  Steve asked.  Bucky shrugged.  “I was starting to think the two of you were planning to take over the world, the amount of time you hung out down there.  Every time I went to check on you guys it always Tony deep in his work and muttering to his machines and you just sitting on the couch in the corner of the lab doing nothing.”

 

 

Bucky’s smile widened.  “Yeah and I loved it.  Don’t get me wrong, the team is great, I love the team.  But sometimes they’re always talking and they look at me like they expect me to say something and back when you first brought me in I wasn’t much of a talker, you know.  Just being around everyone sort of freaked me out a bit.  Tony just rambled to himself, didn’t expect me to add input.”  He said, his voice sounded fond.  “And when I did he always answered me.  He did a great job in giving me the space I needed, but letting me know he was there.  He made me feel like I was alone and still amongst friends.  Eventually I just started making up issues with my arm and he just kept on letting me into his workshop and let me stay for as long as I wanted.”

 

 

It sounded rather nice.  Steve could understand how being in the tower and around the team could have been overwhelming for him in the beginning, probably even still today.  He was thankful that Tony was able to give Bucky the safe place he desperately needed.  Considering that the lab was also Tony’s safety zone it must have been strange to share, but Tony did it without complaint.  Steve felt like he owed Tony everything.

 

 

“We should talk about this more.  Later.  There’s a lot we need to talk about.”  Steve said.  Bucky nodded.  “Are you still angry with me?”

 

 

“Yes.”  Bucky said.

 

 

“Do you think Tony is?  Do you think he’ll forgive me?”  Steve asked.  Ever since Tony woke up that morning he had been completely ignoring Steve.  He occasionally looked over to Bucky, but never at Steve.  He only acknowledged that he was there when Steve tried to touch his hand and he had jerked away.  Even if Tony wasn’t mad, Steve doubted he would be welcomed back with open arms.

 

 

Bucky opened his mouth to answer, stopping short as Tony moved slightly.  Steve looked over, just in time to see Tony’s body jerk away from the couch.  Bucky was the one to catch him as Steve quickly pushed away any equipment or furniture that Tony could hurt himself on.  Bucky turned Tony onto his side and stepped back, Steve held his breathe and silently counted the seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Steve. It's the 4th of July and oddly enough Captain America's birthday. It's fun.  
> Did you guys like the chapter? Do you think Tony's okay?


	17. Chapter 17

“Tony, your medicine is here.”  Steve said.  He struggled to keep his voice calm and steady as he addressed him, not wanting to startle him so soon after a seizure.

 

 

It had been almost an hour since it happened and he was slowly coming back to himself.  He was silent and unfocused when Bucky had picked him up off of the ground when his convulsions stopped.  He whimpered when he was taken back upstairs to the communal floor and laid out on the couch.  Now he was softly murmuring to himself, occasionally glancing over to Pepper and Bucky as they sat on the loveseat.  He avoided looking at Steve, who was sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

 

 

“Come on, darling.  They’ll make you feel better.”  Steve said.  He leaned in closer to Tony, near enough to catch his attention but not enough to invade his space.  Tony’s finally turned to him, wide eyes scanning his face before darting down to the small handful of pills he held and then back up to his face.

 

 

Tony didn’t have any of the usual warmth and fondness he had before Steve had left.  Tony used to look at him with the largest smiles and brightest eyes, as if he were one of the most amazing people he had ever known.  Now his face was blank, his eyes cautious.  Steve looked over to where Bucky and Pepper were watching him carefully.

 

 

Steve sighed.  “Tony.”

 

 

“I don’t want…”  Tony said, his voice quiet and cracked as he shook his head.  “No thank you.  ‘m fine.  I don’t need it.”

 

 

“Yes you do, Tony.”  Steve said.  He started pointing to each pill, keeping his voice soft as he spoke.  “This one helps with the pain, you said your head had been hurting so this will make it better.  This one makes it so you don’t have seizures as often.  This one helps you feel more comfortable, less scared and anxious.  You have some more but you won’t get those until later.  Please take your pills.”

 

 

He held his palm out to Tony so he could take the pills, a bottle of water waiting in his other hand.  Tony leaned away and shook his head.  Steve stood up, still crouching down slightly so he wasn’t towering over him, and held them out once again.

 

 

“Please don’t.”  Tony whispered.  “No.  Don’t want ‘em.”

 

 

Steve froze.  His voice was so broken, so frightened that it sent Steve reeling.  He took a step back, which did seem to calm Tony slightly.  Tony was scared of him.  Tony never used to be afraid, even back in the beginning when all they did was argue and team up to fight aliens Tony hadn’t been afraid.  Somehow, in just a week, Tony had gone from trusting him entirely to being afraid that Steve would hurt him.

 

 

A hand squeezed his shoulder, Steve turned to see Bucky giving him a sad smile.  He gestured towards the kitchen.  Steve understood.  It hadn’t gone as well as he had hoped, Tony wasn’t reacting to him very well.  He handed the small handful of pills over to Pepper and followed Bucky into the kitchen.

 

 

He went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water.  It was cold and soothing as he swallowed it down.  “What do I do, Buck?”  Steve asked, not bothering to turn about and look at Bucky.  “He hates me.  He can’t even look at me.”

 

 

“He doesn’t hate you.  He’s just confused, disoriented.  Once he bounces back from this and once he feels better and isn’t so scared he’ll be excited to see you again.”  Bucky said calmly.  “He just had a seizure, he’s going to be out of it for a little while.”

 

 

Steve frowned.  Tony clearly didn’t want him around.  He wouldn’t look at him, didn’t want to be near him, and, most importantly, was afraid of him.  Steve had no business trying to be around Tony now.  After everything that had happened, Tony didn’t need that added stress of having him around.

 

 

“Maybe I should go, come back when things settle down.”  Steve muttered.

 

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”  Bucky asked, his voice had a hint of anger but mostly he was calm and quiet.  “You want to leave again?  You leaving is what caused this problem in the first place, I can’t believe you’re thinking about doing it again!”

 

 

“Not permanently.  Just until things calm down.  Tony looks at me like he’s expecting me to hurt him, it’s all that bastards fault for whatever he did.”  Steve said.  He was less successful in trying not to yell.  “I’m just going to go see how Clint and Natasha are doing with Kyle and I’ll stop by later.  I’m not leaving forever.”

 

 

Bucky paused, his frown deepening.  “You better come right back, Rogers.  Tony’s just a little out of it right now, he’s confused, he doesn’t know what’s going on.  You’re going to go in there, you’re going to say goodbye to him, and then you’re going to come back later.”  Bucky said quickly.  “Tony loves you, he thinks the world of you.  Things just don’t make sense for him right now, so just let him adjust and be there for him.”

 

 

Steve nodded, he would come back.  So soon after a seizure Tony would be disoriented and not understand what was going on.  Of course seeing Steve would startle him.  The last time he had seen him was before he left, when he and Bucky were yelling at each other because he decided to hire that man without telling anyone.  Now, after Kyle did who knew what to hurt Tony, Steve was back.  It’s no wonder he’s scared of Steve, he’s expecting something horrible.

 

 

He walked back out into the living room.  Tony was lying on the couch, his head buried into a few plush pillows and a fleece blanket had appeared from somewhere.  Tony looked comfortable and relaxed, the water bottle sitting on the coffee table was half empty and the pills he had given Pepper were gone.  He looked at her in question, she smiled and nodded.

 

 

“Hey, sweetheart.  How are you feeling?”  Steve asked.  He sat back down on top of the coffee table and smiled warmly when he saw Tony’s eyes peek out from behind the pillow.  “I’m going to go see how Clint and Natasha are doing.  I’ll be back soon, okay?”

 

 

Tony’s eyes were slightly unfocused, his face was calm, and he didn’t look like he completely understood.  Instead of answering he went back to burying his face into the pillow, the steady rise and fall of his chest the only indicator that he was still able to breathe.

 

 

“You come right back after you figure out what’s going on with that man.”  Bucky said.  “You tell me everything, everything they found out, everything they did, and everything they’re planning to do.”

 

 

Steve nodded.  After everything Bucky had done for Tony these past few months, this week in particular, he was never going to deny him anything.  Tony seemed to curl up tighter at the mention of ‘that man’ as if he knew exactly who they were talking about and that caused him to be afraid.  It sent a fresh wave of anger shooting down into the pits of his stomach at all the horrible ideas filling his head of what Kyle could have possibly done to Tony.  There was more to it, he had done something terrible.

 

 

“I’ll call Nick, convince him to help us keep a felon in our custody.  Certainly attacking an injured Avenger will give us sanction.”  Pepper said as she pulled out her phone.  Steve wasn’t going to ask how she ended up on a first name basis with Fury, that didn’t matter now.

 

 

“I’ll stay here with him.”  Bucky said, nodding to where Tony was still curled up on the couch.  “Give the punk anything he wants, keep him safe.”

 

 

He stopped at the elevator and looked back at them.  Pepper had left the room with her phone in hand, Tony looked about as peaceful as possible considering the circumstances, and Bucky looked so beautiful as he stood over him with a fond, protective look in his eye.  He loved those two, he was never going to leave them like that again.  Steve would stay for as long as Tony and Bucky wanted him and after he sorted things out with Clint and Natasha he would come back and see if he could mend what he had broken.

 

 

The elevator ride was short and far too quiet.  They had moved Kyle from the pool to the gym and had handcuffed him to one of the large barbells that only Steve, Thor, and Bucky could manage to lift.  Natasha was relaxing on bench in the corner, her legs propped up and a phone in hand.  Clint was sitting on the floor in front of Kyle, his expression as hard as steel and his body tense.  Whatever intimidation techniques he was using didn’t appear to be working.

 

 

Kyle didn’t look that good.  He had a black eye, his lip was busted and a smeared red stain ran down his mouth and over his neck, and he looked completely unafraid.  Kyle’s face appeared to be void of all emotion as he stared coldly at Clint.  It was chilling to see.  Steve stepped further into the room, Natasha nodding to him in acknowledgement and Steve throwing his hand over his shoulder in a distracted wave.  With Clint busy in some sort of interrogation, Steve went to sit down next to Natasha.

 

 

“How is everything?”  Steve asked once he got settled.

 

 

“About as good as can be expected.  I got to hit something so not too bad.”  She said calmly.  Her face turned a bit darker as she glanced at Kyle.  “He’s been talking, it’s mostly been the truth.  It’s not too good.”

 

 

“I didn’t think it would be.”  Steve said.  There was a hint of frustration in her tone.  “What’s wrong?”

 

 

“He’s talking, but not about everything.  He’s told us about some of the stuff he’s been doing to Tony, little things throughout the week whenever he’s had a chance to be alone with him and a lot of the stuff that’s happened when he had Tony all to himself for about sixteen hours.  It’s all pretty bad stuff, but he’s leaving a lot out and that’s what worries me.”  Natasha said.  “There was also the incidents with Tony’s doctors.  Bucky doesn’t attend those appointments, he hadn’t been with Tony to the doctors since he nearly punched the one for trying to give Tony an EEG and hooking electrodes up to his head.  This means that Kyle had been alone with Tony for at least two hours every day while he took him to the doctor’s office.”

 

 

“You let him do that?”  Steve said quickly, turning his body fully towards Natasha.  He had no right to be upset, he was the first one to hand Tony off to his abuser, but he couldn’t stop the surprise and anger.  He wasn’t upset at her, he was upset with Kyle.

 

 

Natasha’s face hardened.  “I didn’t let him do anything, Rogers.  We all tried our hardest to get to Tony but they guy _you_ hired to take care of him slowly stopped giving us access to him.  We used to see him all the time, then it was only a few times a day, and then only at meals.  We weren’t given a chance, no one fucking told us when the appointments were.”  She whispered harshly.  “I wasn’t allowed to know where he was and when he left, I was terrified and all you did was hide away on the floor Tony designed for you in the tower he let you call home.  What that man did was bad but you blaming me for it is uncalled for.”

 

 

Steve leaned away.  He was willing to admit he deserved that.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry Natasha.”  He whispered back to her.  “I’m sorry I let this man into the tower.  I’m sorry I let him take Tony away.  I’m sorry for all the pain this has caused.  I’m so sorry.  I just keep messing up and I don’t know what to do.”

 

 

Natasha paused, taking in his words.  In her hesitation Steve worried that he had destroyed things permanently between them, like he had probably done with everyone else, but then she nodded and playfully punched him in the shoulder like she always used to do and a small sliver of hope came back.

 

 

“We’re all angry with you, but that’s not important right now.  Right now we need to know what Anderson did to Tony so we can help him.”  She said calmly.  Steve nodded.

 

 

“So what do we know?  You said he was talking, what has he said?”  Steve asked, trying to fall into his Captain America persona.  It wasn’t as easy as it usually was, he couldn’t focus on the mission of figuring out what a villain was telling the interrogators when the crime was hurting Tony when he was helpless.

 

 

“Mostly that he liked watching Tony.  It’s sick.  He gets this mystified look on his face as he talks about how beautiful Tony was when he was curled up in pain, or when the withdrawals had gotten so bad he would tremble and cry.  He said he mostly enjoyed it when he begged Bucky to make the pain go away, begged for it all to stop.”  Natasha said.  Her expression was too calm, too controlled.  She must have been furious, Steve was surprised Kyle still only had minimal injuries.  “He mentioned a few times that ‘watching wasn’t enough sometimes’ but he has failed to elaborate.  He also mentioned that when he was feeling particularly frustrated he would occasionally get too rough and actually hit Tony.  It was never when anyone was around and never hard enough to leave a mark.  We think the two are connected, that when he didn’t want to watch anymore he would simply hurt Tony himself, but we’re not sure.”

 

 

Steve looked back to Kyle.  He was whispering softly to Clint, barely loud enough for Steve’s enhanced hearing to pick up and even then most of the words he couldn’t make out.  Whatever the conversation topic, Clint looked annoyed.  He also looked about five seconds away from hitting Kyle and Steve wasn’t in the mood to stop him.  As far as he was concerned, Kyle wasn’t a civilian anymore, he was a malicious criminal who had personally attacked the Avengers.

 

 

“What are our theories?”  Steve asked.  Natasha was an expert at gathering bits of information and filling in the blanks with little error.  If anyone could figure out what had happened, it was her.

 

 

“As far as we can gather, the brother story is legitimate.  Geoff Anderson really existed, he was killed in Iraq a few years after Tony stopped making weapons, and that was probably what started his resentment.  Over the years he had become obsessed.  His world centered on Tony and trying to hurt him and he doesn’t care about the consequences.”  Natasha said.  She paused to look back down at the phone.  Steve recognized it, it was Kyle’s.  “He was definitely working with someone.  Whoever it was, they tipped him off that Tony was vulnerable and trying for this job would be his way in.  I am currently trying to figure out who that is.  They’re hacking skills are good, but not as good as mine.”

 

 

She smiled smugly at that.  Steve didn’t doubt her ability to find the person behind all of this.  Whoever it was clearly underestimated Natasha’s ability to find people and the team’s passion for protecting one of their own.  A loud smack caught his attention, he glanced up in time to see Kyle’s head snap to the side, Clint’s hand raised in the air.

 

 

“Has he mentioned what happened at the pool?”  Steve asked.  He couldn’t get the image of Tony hunched over near the water, looking very much like a soaked kitten, scared and alone.

 

 

“Not yet.  Whenever we ask he just starts giggling to himself.”  Natasha said coldly.  “And Bruce is having trouble finding the video footage from the last week.  Since Tony has neglected to install Friday into the tower there is no one constantly monitoring the footage and we have no way to summon up exact events without the specific times they occurred.  This wouldn’t be an issue, all the security footage that has been recorded since Jarvis was… disabled has been stored onto the Tower’s server, except for this past week.  It’s gone.”

 

 

“What do you mean it’s gone?”  Steve asked.  “Did someone take it?”

 

 

Natasha nodded.  “Probably.  Whoever managed to hack out systems and lock us out could be able to get into our surveillance systems and wipe the videos.  We’ll start scanning the rest of the footage from this week to see what else he’s done.”  She said.

 

 

Steve relaxed slightly.  He felt so damn grateful to have this team.  They had every right to be furious with him, and they were, but they also weren’t pushing him aside.  They were allowing him to participate in this, in trying to make help clean up the mess he caused.  Bucky had allowed him to try to give Tony his medicine, to see how he would react and see how involved Steve should be in his recovery now that he was back.  Natasha wasn’t cutting him off from the interrogation.  They were giving him more than he deserved.

 

 

“We should all probably talk about what happened soon.  I have a few things to say.”  Steve said slowly.  Natasha glanced over to him, her eyebrow raised.  “I need to apologize, clear the air.  And you guys can be completely honest with me about how this is all my fault and how it made you feel.  This is serious and we all need to discuss it, the whole team.”

 

 

“You want to have a family meeting?”  Natasha asked.  Steve nodded.  “Fine.  We’ll do it tomorrow when Rhodey gets back.  I know he’ll want to have a few words with you.”

 

 

That was fine.  Steve would listen to whatever any of them had to say.  His decision had affected the whole team, he was responsible for all of this, and he was willing to accept what he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad stuff happened that has yet to be addressed. Hopefully the team can come together and make the best decisions possible in the terms of Tony's care and protection. I'm happy with this chapter. I'll try to put the next one up soon.  
> Hopefully this chat with the team will settle some of the issues Steve is having and will be beneficial to Tony most of all.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have recently ended my bout of unemployment so updates might not be as frequent. I no longer have all day to just sit around and write, but know I would never abandon you guys or this story. If updates take longer than necessary, it's because I'm working hard and want it to be great.

It had taken Steve a long time to finally drift off to sleep.  All of his stress and worries seemed to pile up in his head and keep him awake with the constant wonder of what might have happened to Tony.  Did Tony really ask to go up to the pool, as unlikely as that seemed, or did Kyle drag him there?  Did Tony try to swim, did he fall in, or had Kyle pushed him in?  Swimming was out of the question, Tony didn’t like bathtubs so there was no way he would willingly go swimming.  It was the horrifying image of Kyle pushing Tony into the water, holding his head down as he kicked and fought, that stopped Steve from being able to fall asleep.

 

 

He didn’t know how to fix this, how to make Tony feel safe and happy again.  He was jumpy, afraid, and it was all Steve’s fault.  Tony’s recovery had been amazing, now it seemed like they had all taken a giant leap backwards.  He didn’t know how to fix this, how to undo whatever Kyle had done.  No matter how many ideas popped into his head none of them seemed like it would be affective and he couldn’t sleep until he found a way to make this right again.

 

 

A knocking on his door caught his attention, drawing him out of his spiraling thoughts.  The clock read barely half past two in the morning, everyone else in the tower was probably asleep.  Steve jumped from the bed, preparing himself in case he was needed.  What if something happened to Tony?  What if Kyle got out?

 

 

“Better start talking, Rogers.”  Rhodey said as soon as Steve opened the door.  He elbowed past him and into Steve’s room, completely unconcerned with the late hour or the suddenness of his appearance.

 

 

“I didn’t realize you were back.  They said you would be back in the morning.”  Steve said.  He closed the door and turned to the man, holding his hand out.  “Welcome back, Colonel.”

 

 

Rhodey looks down at the outstretched hand and then returns his gaze to Steve’s face, his eyes trying to glare holes straight through his skull.  “It is the morning.”  Rhodey said quickly, his voice firm, commanding.  “I wasn’t gone for very long.  What the fuck happened?  What’s going on with Tony?”

 

 

“I messed up.”  Steve said quickly, thrown off by the man yelling at him so late at night.  “I didn’t think I could take care of Tony anymore and I hired a nurse.”

 

 

“Yes, I’m familiar with all of that but please explain to me why Tony is upstairs refusing to sleep and Pepper has been crying her eyes out.”  Rhodey said.  His voice had significantly lowered and he was no longer yelling, but he still sounded angry.

 

 

Steve closed his eyes and images of a scared Tony curled up and trembling while Bucky tries to gently reassure him.  Pepper was probably feeling guilty, had been ever since they all found out about Kyle and no matter how hard Steve tried to tell her it wasn’t her fault she still got that sad look in her eyes.  His own fresh wave of guilt washed over him, this was his fault.  Pepper only wanted to do what was best and make sure he had the best possible care.  Steve was the one who wanted to run away and was willing to let a complete stranger around Tony just to do that.

 

 

“Kyle, the nurse I hired, ended up not being so great of a guy.”  Steve said slowly.  “He hurt Tony.  Probably has been all week.  We don’t know exactly what he did but it was probably pretty bad.”

 

 

“What did he do?”  Rhodey asked quickly, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.  “Tell me what the fuck he did.”

 

 

“He’s not talking much, but we know he drugged Tony, we know he hit him a few times, and he might have drowned Tony down by the pool.”  Steve said, the weight of his words hitting him hard.  All of those thing happened, Tony was hurt.  Right now he was up on the communal floor, absolutely refusing to go up to his pent house and also it seemed like he wasn’t sleeping either.  Steve would be there, if he wasn’t so sure he would make things worse.  “This is my fault.”

 

 

Rhodey groaned and dropped his head into his hands.  He looked furious, the hard muscles of his body tensing tightly, like a coil about ready to spring.  His breathing turned heavy and he turned away from Steve with his eyes clenched tightly shut.

 

 

“Where is he?”  Rhodey asked.  Steve couldn’t see his face, but his voice was so eerily calm that he felt the urge to step back.  “Why aren’t you with Tony?”

 

 

“Kyle’s in the gym.  Clint and Natasha have been handling him.  They’re also trying to get to the video footage so we know exactly what happened.”  Steve said.  The answer to Rhodey’s first question was easy.  The second one wasn’t, how was he supposed to explain to this man that he had loved Tony and decided to abandon him because of it.  “Tony doesn’t trust me anymore.  He’s scared of me.  I thought the night would be easier if he didn’t have to look at me and be too afraid to fall asleep.”

 

 

The wall cracked loudly as Rhodey’s fist collided with it.  Steve jumped in surprise.  “Of course he doesn’t fucking trust you!”  Rhodey yelled, turning on his heel and in a moment he was in Steve’s face.  “You left him.  Without a single warning you willingly left him with a man who hurt him.  Tony’s not an idiot, he may be struggling right now but he still understands a lot and he knows you sent that man to him.”

 

 

Steve held his ground, not daring to back away or even blink in the face of this man’s rage.  He deserved it.  Rhodey was right, Tony was smart enough to know that Steve was involved in all of this.  “I don’t know how to fix it.  I thought I was doing what was best for him, I thought he would be safer once I was gone.”  Steve said slowly.

 

 

Rhodey shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I’m not here to give you advice or listen to your excuses.  This shit is all in the past.  Right now, in the present, our friend has been hurt and the guy who did it won’t tell us what it was he did.”  He said.  He seemed calmer, just a bit more relaxed.  “I need fifteen minutes alone with the guy, I’ll figure out what he did.”

 

 

Steve blinked, the statement catching him off guard.  “You’re willing to do that?”

 

 

“For Tony, I’m willing to do just about anything.”  Rhodey said, a soft, sad smile making a brief appearance.  “I’ve known him for a long time, he’d do anything for me as well.  He’s my best friend, I have to take care of him.”

 

 

“And you’re asking me to be alone with Kyle?”

 

 

“Yes.  For some odd reason you’re still in charge.”  Rhodey said.  “There’s apparently going to be a team meeting later at a more decent hour, I would like to discuss that with you further then.  Hopefully also be able to talk about whatever Kyle feels like sharing with me.  I just need fifteen minutes.”

 

 

Steve hesitated.  He wasn’t going to pretend like he didn’t know what Rhodey’s intentions were and he wasn’t going to lie to himself and say it wasn’t what he wanted.  Kyle deserved harsher punishments then what he was getting, but Steve couldn’t condone violent torture.  He couldn’t live with himself if he allowed members of this team, who were still under his command, to violently assault a prisoner in their custody.

 

 

“You’re not going to permanently maim him.”  Steve said, his voice getting gradually firmer and steadier.  “You’re not going to kill him and you’re not going to break any bones.”

 

 

“I was fine with the first two, but there’s no promise I won’t accidently break something.”  Rhodey said, his frame relaxing.  He looked down at his fist, his knuckles bleeding lazily from where they collided with the wall but Rhodey hardly seemed to notice at all.

 

 

“I can excuse that then.”  Steve said, nodding.  “I just still need him to be able to talk when you’re done.”

 

 

“I can do that.”

 

 

“Fine then.  You can have your fifteen minutes.”  Steve said.  He walked out of his bedroom and towards the elevator, Rhodey following behind him quickly.  “Send Clint and Natasha to the communal floor so you can have the privacy you need.”

 

 

Rhodey nodded and climbed into the elevator with him.  Steve hit the button for the common area, ready to check on Tony and wait for Clint and Natasha to show up.  Rhodey didn’t comment, just gave him a sideways glare and bit his lower lip.  The elevator ride was quiet, tense, and Steve had never been happier to see the doors open into the familiarity of the communal floor.

 

 

He muttered a quick goodbye to Rhodey and stepped away.  The communal floor was oddly crowded for the late hour.  None of them were particularly sound sleepers and at least one of them was suffering from a new bout of nightmare related insomnia, but never before had practically the whole team just been relaxing on the communal floor at three in the morning.

 

 

Pretty much the whole team was there, sitting around the living room with a movie on with glasses of chocolate milk resting on almost every surface.  The team was there in various states of unkempt, some were in their pajamas with messy hair and tired eyes while others were dressed and ready for the day.  Tony was on the couch, strategically placed in the middle of the entire team and curled up against Bucky’s side.  Bucky’s hand was on his head, fingers dragging through the messy curls as Wanda painted his toes.  Tony seemed so tired, he seemed so malleable in this moment that Steve’s stomach dropped at the mere thought of someone getting to him while he was like this.  He didn’t seem the least bit bothered as Wanda painted his toenails bright red or when Bucky stopped stroking his hair and started trying to braid it instead.  He seemed more relaxed than anything.

 

 

“Hey.”  Steve said, his voice coming softer than he intended.  That didn’t matter because the moment he opened his mouth all eyes snapped to him, even Tony’s.

 

 

“There you are Steve.”  Bucky said.  He smiled then, it was small, a bit tense, and didn’t reach his eyes, but Bucky was still smiling at him.  “Tony was just talking about you.”

 

 

Steve paused, his mind processing that information over and over as he tried to understand the meaning.  “Oh, he was?”  Steve asked.  This could mean many things, he could have been talking about how much he hated Stever, or how much he missed him.

 

 

Buckly looked down at Tony, who was now studying Steve carefully.  He still looked cautious, afraid, but mostly just curious.  “You sang songs.”  Tony mumbled.  “I liked that.  The moon one was nice.”

 

 

“You liked that one?”  Steve asked quickly, recognizing the opportunity he had just been given and attempting to latch on to it.  “My mother used to sing that one to me all the time when I was sick.  I thought you would like it too.  I know how much I loved it when she sang to me when I wasn’t feeling well.”

 

 

“Am I not well?”  Tony asked.  He broke eye contact.  Tony’s focus switched to the tv, some colorful cartoon playing, but Tony didn’t seem to be paying attention to it.  His brow was furrowed and he worried his lower lip between his teeth, deep in thought.

 

 

Steve shook his head.  “Darling, you’re perfect, you’re alright.”  He whispered. 

 

 

Tony frowned, his eyes finding their way back to Steve.  He decided to take a chance and reach for him, see if Tony would allow him to place a gentle hand on his shoulder.  He hoped, prayed that Tony would let him and they could start working on fixing what was broken.  No such luck, the moment his hand started getting too near Tony turned away and buried his face into the fabric of Bucky’s shirt.

 

 

Steve pulled away, not wanting to overwhelm him.  Instead he sat down on the other side of Bucky, far enough away from Tony so as not to scare him but close enough to hopefully get him familiar again with Steve’s presence.  He tried not to smile to himself, giddy with Tony’s reaction to him.  Although it wasn’t perfect and it clearly showed he still needed some work, Tony appeared to be at least somewhat okay and willing to be in the same room as Steve.  He could fix this.

 

 

Clint and Natasha walked off the elevator not too long after that.  They smiled at the scene in front of them, it was peaceful and relaxed in a way none of them had felt in a while.  They joined everyone in the living room and sat down on any available seats they could find.

 

 

“Are we just all going to talk about this?”  Bruce asked.  “I know we said in the morning but we’re all here anyway.  We’re calm.  No one is too angry.  Now is a good time.”

 

 

Everyone else murmured in agreement, Steve nodded.  “Alright.  Rhodey will be up in a few minutes.  Let’s talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently started a new story where Bucky and Steve are in a relationship and their mutual friend Howard dies and gives the two of them custody of his misbehaving, self-destructive teenage son, Tony. It'll talk about a lot of serious issues so it might not be interesting for some of you guys but if you want to read it it's in my works.  
> Hopefully you guys liked this chapter. More to come!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot gets brought up this chapter, not as much as I wanted but still a whole lot. Hopefully you enjoy it. Slight warning, please look at end chapter notes for possible trigger warnings.

“I would like to start by saying how incredibly sorry I am that this all happened.”  Steve said as the team all got settled.  Bucky and Tony stayed on the couch and were quickly joined by Pepper, Wanda moving aside to make room for her.  Tony uncurled himself slightly and smiled at her, willingly taking the small metal toy she had offered him.  Steve knew what it was, he had bought enough to tell.  They were little puzzle games, good for Tony’s fingers as he tried to get the metal pieces apart, and helped get him think more thoroughly about things.  They had a box of them in the room, Tony never lasted more than a few minutes on them.

 

 

The rest of the team had huddled in close, all of them settling into a semi-circle around Steve.  They all looked at him expectedly, waiting for him to steer the conversation one way or the other.  They were waiting for him to take charge like he always did, be the leader, and that was the problem.

 

 

“I thought only of myself.  I didn’t think about what any of you thought or wanted.  I just wanted to take myself away from Tony.”  Steve said.  Tony’s head snapped up at his name, his eyes zeroing in on Steve.  He wondered if they should have this discussion with him in the room.  As if reading his mind, Bucky wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulders and held him close.  “I didn’t think he was safe with me anymore.  I fell for him, hard, and I was worried I didn’t have his best interests in mind anymore.”

 

 

Everyone stared at him, watching him carefully as if they were expecting him to continue.  No one said a word for the longest time that Steve started to feel anxiety curl into his belly and grip tightly.  They were angry, he could have easily taken advantage of Tony.  The team would kill him if they thought he had taken things too far.

 

 

“What else?”  Clint asked.  He sounded calm.  “You didn’t just ditch Tony because you fell in love with him.  There had to be something more.”

 

 

“After my mistakes got him injured in the first place, I guess I didn’t really trust my judgement all that much.  I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to control myself.”  Steve said slowly.  Tony finished with his puzzle and Bucky plucked it form his hands.  There were a box of them under the coffee table for times like these, when they wanted to keep Tony occupied during stressful situation and exercise his hands and his head.  The next one he handed to him was a big wooden block made of a bunch of smaller wooden pieces.  Tony had to find a way to take it apart without breaking it.  “This is my fault.  I sent him into that building and all I can see when I look at him is how he looked when we got him out of the armor, broken and bloody and almost dead.  My call on that mission almost killed him, I don’t trust my judgement as much as I used to.”

 

 

Bucky sighed and shook his head.  “Well, clearly you can’t trust your judgement.  Your judgement was doing just fine until it told you to hire that guy without telling any of us.  Before you did that you were doing fine, everything was going great.”  He said quickly.  The wooden block in Tony’s hands had fallen to pieces and, smiling brightly up at Bucky with pride, he went about putting it back together.  “And you weren’t the one who got Tony hurt.  With or without you telling him to go after those civilians he would have done it.  He goes out of his way to save people, he got hurt this time.  It’s not your fault.”

 

 

Steve didn’t say anything.  They may believe what they were saying, but Steve knew in his heart that it was his fault.  It didn’t matter if what Tony would have done without his influence, what mattered was that Tony did as he ordered him to and then he was injured.

 

 

“Steve likes me.”  Tony said, all eyes turning towards him.  He looked between Steve and Pepper, he looked calm as he shot them both a smug smile.  “He has a crush.”  He said in a loud whisper.

 

 

Pepper laughed, it sounded sad and relieved all at the same time and it made Steve want to apologize to everyone all over again.  “Yes, Tony.  Steve has a crush.”

 

 

“Oh.”  Tony said.  His voice sounded strained, concerned.  He looked up at Steve with a curious, cautious expression and leaned in closer to Bucky.

 

 

They all stopped, listening to Tony hum to himself as Bucky handed him a jumbled up rubik’s cube and turn the colorful sides with awkward fingers.  He was healing, he looked like he was doing so good and now that he was off all of those sedatives and tranquilizers Kyle had forced on him and back to taking his proper medications, Steve could see significant improvement.  Tony had become so focused on the task at hand, trying to move his fingers precisely enough to get the colors where he wanted them to go, that he seemed to have forgotten everyone else in the room.

 

 

“What’s the news with Kyle?”  Wanda asked.  “Do we know what drugs he had Tony on?”

 

 

Steve had to stop himself from asking why she wanted to know.  It was rude, she was a part of this team and although all of her history revolved around her hating Tony with a murderous rage it didn’t mean she hadn’t changed.  She hasn’t tried to hurt Tony since that business with Ultron.

 

 

“I’m still looking into it.”  Bruce said.  “They’re definitely designed to calm him down, make him relaxed, tired, and dull down his senses.  I just can’t find a match for them in pharmaceutical databases.  I’m still worried about potential side effects.”

 

 

“It’ll be alright.  They’re leaving his system.”  Wanda said.  She leaned over Pepper to run her hand through Tony’s hair, her fingers sliding through his curls slowly.  “He’s clearer now.”

 

 

Steve paused, processing what it could be she meant.  Bucky appeared confused as well because he glanced over to Wanda and asked her to elaborate.  “Like, his feelings?  He’s clearer in the head so you can understand what’s going on?”  He asked.  Wanda nodded.  “How does he feel now?  Is he okay?”

 

 

“He’s alright.”  Wanda said, smiling at him.  “He’s a bit tired.  He’s content, he feels warm.  Not as scared as he was.”

 

 

That was good to hear.  After everything Kyle had done or might have done it was relieving to hear that Tony wasn’t scared, at least not in this moment.  Tony was calm, he was in the same room with Steve and he wasn’t afraid.  Given time he might be able to trust him again, Steve hoped for the day.

 

 

“We should put him to bed.”  Pepper said, looking over to Bucky as if to ask for permission.  “He’s had a long week, he needs his rest.  I can do it if you want.”

 

 

Bucky frowned, hesitating at the suggestion.  It was possible that there was slight blame sent Pepper’s way as well, she was a part of this.  She had helped Steve find Kyle and hire him.  It wasn’t her fault though, she trusted Steve to know that this was best and he was the one who had left Tony entirely after the hire.  If the team was going to blame her then he will have to set them straight.

 

 

“Alright.”  Bucky said finally.  He moved to sit up further, jostling Tony and capturing his attention from the finished rubik’s cube that he was jumbling up again.  “Tony, baby, are you tired?”

 

 

“No.”  Tony said.  It was a lie.  His blinking was slow, his voice was soft, and he was very clearly exhausted.  But he seemed determined to fight off sleep for a little while longer.  “No, ‘m not tired.”

 

 

“Yes, you are Tony.”  Pepper said.  Her voice was calm, but firm, and Tony’s attention zoned in on it immediately.  “It’s time for bed, I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

 

 

Tony hesitated, looking up to Bucky for backup and groaning when he nodded towards Pepper.  “Fine.”  He muttered in annoyance.  “Bed.  Whatever.”

 

 

He allowed Bucky to help him stand and for Pepper to grab his hand and lead him towards the bedrooms.  He stopped in the doorway to look back at everyone and wave.  “Goodnight, don’t do anything interesting until I get back.”  He called out.  Then he left down the hall.

 

 

Steve was amazed.  Before the incident it was damn near impossible to get Tony to go to bed, now all it took was some gentle coaxing and someone to stay with him for a few hours just in case a nightmare hit or the stress of having trouble falling asleep caused it to turn into a bad night.  Tony seemed to be doing well, still a bit nervous and confused, but better than he had been when they had first gotten him back from Kyle.

 

 

There was a loud sound of a door slamming shut and in no time at all Pepper was walking back out into the living room, looking worried and dejected.  “He refused to take a shower and he wanted me to leave.”  Pepper said. 

 

 

Bucky and Steve were already halfway out of their seats, worried and ready to help, when the elevator doors slid open.  Rhodey rushed in.  He appeared to be sweaty, his knuckles busted and bleeding.  Everyone watched him as he entered and scanned the room.  He was angry, his body shaking with pent up rage, and Steve didn’t want to be in front of him when he let it all loose.

 

 

“Rhodey?  Are you alright?”  Pepper asked softly.

 

 

Rhodey didn’t answer her, he just continued to look around the room.  Whatever he was looking for he obviously didn’t see it because he seemed to clench up tighter in anger.  “Where is he?”  He said, attempting to keep his voice calm.  “Where is Tony?”

 

 

“We just put him to bed.”  Bucky said.  “It’s late.  He needs his rest.”

 

 

Rhodey nodded, hesitating as he took in the information.  After a few seconds he nodded to himself and made his way towards the hall.  “Which room?  I need to talk to him.”

 

 

“Can’t it wait until morning?”  Steve asked, rushing over to stop him.  If Rhodey barged in there they would never get Tony to go to sleep.

 

 

The second Steve’s hand made contact with Rhodey’s shoulder the man pivetted, sending his fist slamming into Steve’s jaw.  It didn’t hurt, the hit lacked the strength and determination to hurt him.  Rhodey wasn’t angry with him, didn’t hit nearly as hard as he could have.  Whoever Rhodey _was_ angry with probably wouldn’t survive, Steve had a horrible suspicion it was Kyle.

 

 

“What happened?”  Steve said, taking a step back and reaching up to massage his jaw.  “Did Kyle say something?  What did he do?”

 

 

Rhodey turned on him fully then, his bloody hands curling into the front of Steve’s shirt.  “You want to know what that bastard did!?  He put his hands on Tony.”  He said quickly in a screeching shout.  The whole room paused, everyone frozen in place as every possible, menacing meaning behind his words filtered through their minds.  “He put his filthy, disgusting hands on Tony.  Which room is he in?  I need to talk to him.”

 

 

Steve felt like the floor was going to open him up and eat him alive.  Tony.  Kyle had hurt Tony and it was all his fault.  Pepper grabbed Rhodey’s hand and dragged him towards the hallway, Bucky following behind quickly.  The world moved around him in a rushed blur.  Steve wasn’t capable of moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Implied/Referenced Non-Consensual Touching  
> Did you guys see the leaked Ant Man End Credit Scene. Oh god


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM NOT IGNORING THIS FIC. I'M JUST IN ONE OF THOSE MOODS WHERE MOTIVATION HITS THE DIRT AND EVERYTHING IS HARD. I'LL STILL TRY TO UPDATE AS MUCH AS I CAN.  
> ALSO A BIT OF A WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER, DISCUSSIONS OF MOLESTATION AND SEXUAL ASSAULT.

Steve couldn’t move.  He didn’t follow Bucky, Rhodey, Pepper, and Bruce to Tony’s room to check on him.  He didn’t go with Wanda, Clint, and Natasha to the elevator, presumably to go pay another visit to Kyle.  He just stood there, his feet stuck to the floor as thousands of thoughts ran through his head and all of them blaming him.  This was his fault, he had done this.

 

 

“Fine.”  He heard, looking up just in time to see Rhodey carrying Tony out of the hallway, Pepper a few steps ahead with her phone pressed to her ear and Bucky trailing behind closely.  “Fine, fine, fine, fine.  Don’t need to go.”

 

 

Rhodey sighed.  “Yes, you do.”  He said calmly.  Tony wiggled in his arms.

 

 

He wiggled just enough to make his displeasure known, but not enough for Rhodey to lose his grip.  Steve had seen Tony when he didn’t want to do something, he would scream and hit and the best thing would be to make sure he was safe until he calmed down.  This was different, this was Tony showing he didn’t like something but didn’t seem too keen to stop it.

 

 

“What’s going on?”  Steve asked. 

 

 

Pepper hit the call button for the elevator and frowned at him, her eyes quickly blinking away tears before they could spill over.  “Happy has the car waiting.  We’re taking Tony to the hospital.”  She said, her voice a carefully controlled calm.

 

 

The hospital, right.  Tony was attacked, assaulted in their own home.  That should have been his first thought the moment they got him away from the pool, but here he was blaming himself and wallowing in self-pity that it hadn’t occurred to him until now and it was only because other people decided to do what was best for Tony.

 

 

Tony’ shook his head.  “No.  No hospitals.  Fine.”  He said quickly.  “Nothing happened.”

 

 

“Tony.”  Steve said.  They had to go to the hospital, Tony had always fought them on this even before the incident, but they had to go.  “We’re going to the hospital.  It’ll be fine.  We’ll get burgers on the way back.”

 

 

“But nothing happened.”  Tony said, his voice getting louder.  He shook his head again.  “It’s not…”  He trailed off, his eyes growing unfocused as he lost his words.  “What?”

 

 

“We’re going to the hospital.”  Rhodey said. 

 

 

The elevator doors opened and they all climbed inside.  Steve didn’t ask if he could come along, if he was welcome.  It didn’t matter, he wasn’t leaving Tony again.  Until the man told him to leave and never come back or he acted more terrified or angry with Steve than safe or content, he wasn’t going to let this happen again. He was staying with Tony.

 

 

“Don’t have to.”  Tony said.  “Everything is fine.”

 

 

They made it to the garage, Happy smiling sadly at them as he opened the car doors and everyone climbed inside.  Leaving the tower wasn’t difficult, there were no crowds like there usually was.  Except for the Manhattan traffic, it was an easy ride to the nearest hospital.

 

 

Tony’s insisted pleas that he was fine and that there was no point in going to the hospital eventually died down.  He started humming instead.  It was a familiar song with a calming rhythm and it soothed everyone in the car until they finally reached the hospital.  Steve was expecting to wait, but Rhodey carried Tony straight up to the receptionist, Pepper spoke to him in hushed tones, and then they were being led into a separate room.

 

 

“What seems to be the problem?”  A doctor asked as soon as he walked in, skipping the pleasantries.

 

 

“Did you fill it out?”  Pepper asked quickly.  “The nondisclosure agreement?  We’ll only be discussing the issue if you signed it.”

 

 

Steve frowned, confused but not bothering to speak up.  The doctor nodded quickly and stepped forward.

 

 

“When Mr. Stark is brought into my hospital I always have to sign paperwork.  I’m not going to stop now.”  He said calmly.  “Did he get his hand stuck in a toaster again?”  The doctor chuckled, trying to release a bit of tension that was building up in the room.

 

 

Pepper shook her head.  “No, I’m afraid it’s a more serious visit this time.”  She said softly.  The doctor’s face fell as he looked past Pepper towards Tony.  “You know about his injury, as one of the few physicians cleared to handle him.  Due to his injury he has had to have assistance with day to day life, so we hired a live-in nurse to look after him for a while.  We have evidence that he may have sexually assaulted Tony.”

 

 

“Don’t have to say it like that, Pep.”  Tony muttered with a sigh.  “Fine.  Fine.  I’m fine.”

 

 

The doctor took a few steps towards Tony, dragging a stool over so he could sit down in front of him.  “What kind of evidence do we have?”

 

 

“A confession.”  Rhodey said flatly.  “He admitted to touching him.  We don’t know if he’s done anything else.”

 

 

Tony sighed again, louder this time.  “Not a big deal.  This is stupid.”

 

 

The doctor had schooled his features into an unreadable mask, one that could probably rival Natasha’s .  It wasn’t as chilling as he would have expected, it was a bit calming in Steve’s opinion.  This wasn’t personal anymore, it wasn’t a man poking him and examining him and asking too many personal questions.  The doctor was simply a medical professional, doing his job without confusing displays of emotion or pointless words of comfort.  Steve could understand how it would be reassuring.

 

 

Pepper muttered an excuse and quickly left the room.  Steve didn’t know what to do, he was standing far back enough from Tony to not hear the whispered responses he gave to the doctor’s questions but close enough to constantly be able to keep an eye on things.

 

 

Bucky cleared his throat.  Steve looked over to him, frowning.  He nodded towards the door and mouthed Pepper’s name.  He wanted him to go check on her, Steve wasn’t sure if it was to get him out of the room and away from Tony or if because he was actually worried.  Either way, Bucky’s opinion was more important than his own right now.  Steve had failed Tony, Bucky had never done that.  Rhodey hadn’t either.  Tony would be safe here with the two of them.

 

 

He left the room, but he didn’t have to go far to find Pepper.  She was sitting on a bench with her head resting in her hands.  Her back shook and there was the muffled sound of sobbing.  As soon as Steve laid what he hoped was a comforting hand onto her shoulder, she straightened but and whipped her eyes.

 

 

“Oh god, there is so much to do.  We should release an official press conference.  Tony’s condition has been mostly kept under wraps the past few months, the public knows he is injured but not the details.”  She said quickly, her voice was carefully manipulated to appear entirely calm and professional.  “Anderson will probably go to prison, the story will leak.  It’ll be best when heard from us.”

 

 

“Are you alright, Pepper?”  Steve asked slowly.

 

 

She looked up and glared at him.  “Of course I’m alright.  I’m not the one who was-“  She was close to shouting, but quickly cut herself off before she had to say the word.  “I hired that man.  I let him around Tony.  I let him get hurt.”

 

 

There is was, the self-blame.  It wasn’t her fault.  She couldn’t have known that Kyle was sick, twisted, and dangerous.  He passed all of their tests before hiring him.  He had fooled them all, it wasn’t her fault.  “No, Pepper.  No one blames you.  It’s Kyle’s fault, he broke into our own under false pretenses and hurt him.  He’s to blame.”  He said.  Steve sat down next to Pepper on the bench, reaching an arm around her shoulders in what he hoped was comforting.  “Right now all we have to do is look after Tony.  Whatever he wants is most important.  This isn’t going to happen again.”

 

 

Pepper sighed and sat up, lifting her head from her hands and turned to Steve.  She contemplated something quietly, her eyes narrowing as she looked him over and then a small smile broke across her face.  “You really do love him.”  She said knowingly, her smile widening into a scheming grin as Steve felt heat spread across his cheeks.  “Of course you do.  He has that effect on people.  Even when you hate him you still find him a little bit endearing.  And I see the way he smiles at the two of you.”

 

 

“What?  He smiles at us like we’re annoying puppies that mess everything up but are too cute to yell at?”  Steve asked.  He did notice, Tony was definitely smiling at him and Bucky more than he used to.  Before the incident his smiles were always either carefully hidden or put on just for show.  Now everything seemed a bit more genuine and Tony couldn’t stop smiling at them.  At least that was how it went before this had happened.  “I just want him to be happy and safe.”

 

 

Pepper hummed and leaned into Steve.  “He loves you too.  But the two of us really screwed up this time.”  She said.  “Don’t worry, you’ll earn his trust again in no time at all.  He thinks the world of you.”

 

 

“What do you mean?”  Steve asked.  “After everything, he probably hates me.  I left him alone with that man, he might think I had planned this.”

 

 

She shook her head.  “No, he thinks it’s his fault.  After you left, which to be honest you shouldn’t have done.  I was expecting the nurse to just come in and help, not for you to disappear completely.  Also, you didn’t tell anyone?”  She said quickly.  Pepper reached over and gently placed her hand to the side of his head, then shoving him away.  “I’m getting off topic, but really.  Pull yourself together.  Okay, after you left Tony was being really quiet.  I took him and Bucky out to dinner, it was lovely, but Tony was unusually quiet.”

 

 

“Well, he hasn’t been talking as much as he used to.”  Steve said.

 

 

“Yes, but he certainly is talking more.  Before his injury it was hard to get him to be quiet for five minutes.  Immediately after his injury he couldn’t talk at all.”  She said slowly.  Her eyes grew distant as she smiled to herself.  “After you left, Tony asked me if it was because he was different now.  If you thought he was broken.”

 

 

Steve froze, his heart beating loudly in his chest.  Did Tony understand his circumstances?  He never mentioned the incident, or the fact that things weren’t the same.  Tony just seemed to be going through life like he always had, pretending like nothing was wrong and that everything was okay.  How long has Tony known about his injury and fully understood its implications?

 

 

He didn’t have time to ask Pepper what she meant because the door to Tony’s hospital room opened and everyone walked out.  The doctor didn’t say a word, he simply carried a few bags away.  Tony was wearing a different set of clothes, a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt.  He was walking on his own now, gripping Bucky’s hand with a large smile and Rhodey walked right up to them.

 

 

“Come on!”  Tony shouted, yanking more on Bucky’s hand as he tried to drag him to the door.  “Promised me burgers.”

 

 

“We’ll get going in a minute, Tones.”  Rhodey called out.  He turned back to Pepper and Steve, his features stiffening.  “He didn’t talk about it.  Kept insisting that nothing happened, but he did get very angry when Doc tried to examine certain parts of him and outright refused to allow anyone to touch him in those areas.”

 

 

Steve was completely still, his mind racing to figure out what that meant.  “What was it?”  He asked slowly.

 

 

“His head, his chest where the reactor used to be, and his feet.  When the doctor tried to examine his… pelvic region he just stopped moving and talking and reacting completely.”  Rhodey said.  He was angry, Steve could tell.  If Kyle was still at the tower when they got back then he probably wouldn’t survive the night.  “There were no signs of any actual penetrative...”  Rhodey trailed off, his hands curling into fists and he shook his head.  “Whatever.  Let’s just go get burgers and then go home and handle this.  The doctor collected all the evidence on Tony’s person, this is going to be fine.”

 

 

He turned and left, Steve jumping up to follow behind closely.  Tony and Bucky were waiting outside, leaning on the car.  They didn’t seem to be discussing anything important, Tony was just naming off the greatest places to get a burger in the city and Bucky was listening closely as if it was the vital information.

 

 

“Hey, you guys ready to go?”  Steve asked, walking up to them.  Bucky nodded and opened the car door.  “Anyplace in mind, Tony?”

 

 

He just wanted to see what would happen.  So he reached out slowly, thinking of taking his hand or touching his shoulder, just to see if his touch was at all welcome.  He accepted Rhodey and Bucky touching him without questions, but he was different.  Things were going to be difficult, he had known that, but seeing Tony lean away from his hands and quickly climb into the car was like someone had shoved a knife into his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made my goal. I finished this chapter just in time for me to go to work with it up. Please comment so I have things to see when I get home.  
> Also, I had a wild idea. How would you all feel if I rewrote the story, made it a sequel like thing, with everything the same, but from Tony's POV?


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Work really cuts down writing time.

It was dark again by the time they had made it back to the tower.  The team had taken Tony to the hospital in the middle of the night, staying for several hours as they checked him over and took samples.  By the time everything was finished Tony had dragged them from one restaurant to another, claiming every time that they were the best in the world at one thing or another.  Between eating half of the food in Manhattan and trying to avoid the press, they had been out all day. 

 

It had been the most Steve had been with Tony in a while.  After a week away from him, it was easy to see how much he had recovered.  He was talkative, energetic, and although things were different now, he could still see glimpses of old behaviors in Tony.  It had been an easy night, Tony was relatively relaxed and yet excited at the same time.  He acted as if nothing was bothering him but also seemed focused and talkative in a way Steve hadn’t seen him since before the incident.

 

“Think we should get a dog for the tower?  Every home needs a dog.”  Tony asked quickly, wiping all the excess ketchup from his fingers onto his shirt.  “No.  Dogs are messy.  I’ll build a dog.  I can hold a screwdriver now.”

 

Bucky nodded, humming as the car pulled into the tower’s parking garage.  “Yeah.  He’s been taking apart half of the kitchen appliances.”

 

Steve smiled as Tony rolled his eyes.  “Yeah, but they got fixed.”  Tony said quickly.  He waved his hands a bit as if it better made his point.  “It’s all better now.”

 

They started to climb out of the car, all of the tired from going too long without sleep.  The trip to the hospital meant they didn’t sleep last night and it was getting late tonight.  Tony stumbled once he was out of the car, Bucky put a steadying hand on his shoulder.  Steve tried to ignore the way Tony’s head snapped up to look at whoever had stopped him from falling over and then relaxing completely once he noticed it was Bucky.  Tony was scared, he was jumpy, and Steve was sure that if he was the one to help him then the results wouldn’t have been as nice.

 

“You’ve been awake for over 24 hours.”  Bucky said, his voice fond and easy even though he clearly saw the brief panic in Tony’s eyes.  “Time for all good superheroes to go to bed.”

 

Tony groaned loudly.  “No thank you!”  He said.

 

He was going to fight, just like he always used to, and the familiarity of the act of reassuring.  But Tony’s eyes were drooping, he was blinking slowly, and his balance was worse than it usually was.  After over 24 hours of no sleep, it would do them all some good to get him back into bed so he’ll be rested for the next day.  Steve didn’t know what the plan was for the next day, if they were going to have him go through his daily routine as if nothing had happened or if they were going to take it easy for a while.  He supposed he could just ask them what they were going to do, but it didn’t matter.  Whatever they decided would be fine and Steve would go along with just about anything they wanted to do.

 

“Nope.  ‘m not tired.”  Tony muttered, even as he allowed his eyes to slide closed and Bucky to pick him up off the ground.

 

“Of course you’re not.”  Bucky said.

 

“Could go all night.”  Tony said, yawning around his words.

 

Bucky nodded.  “I bet you could.”

 

Tony was fast asleep by the time they reached the communal floor, his face pressed against Bucky’s neck and his swinging wildly at every small step.  They weren’t going to go up to Tony’s penthouse, Steve understood the reasoning even without anyone having to explain it to them.  Tony spent a week up there with that man, and almost a whole day alone with him.  All of the terrible things that had happened could have taken place up there.

 

“I’m going to head down to the gym.  See how Clint, Natasha, and Wanda are doing with the guy.”  Rhodey said, sounding simultaneously relaxed and on edge.  He nodded at both of them as Bucky and Steve stepped off the elevator.  “Hopefully he’s still alive so I can kill him myself.”

 

“You know we can’t actually kill him, right?”  Steve said quickly.  Kyle, as horrible as he is, had to live.  He had information to give and eventually there would be a trail.  Steve wasn’t in the mood to play judge, jury, and executioner, not even for a man who came into his home and hurt one of his loved ones.  Kyle would pay, but that would be spending the rest of his life in prison, not be murdered as soon as the Avengers got around to it.  Clint and Natasha knew that, they were professionals, but that didn’t mean Rhodey wouldn’t take things too far.  “Do you want me to come with you?”

 

“No!”  Bucky whispered, cutting in between them.  “Steve, you’re going to come with me, I’m going to put Tony to bed, and then you and I are going to have a talk.  And then in the morning you’re going to make breakfast.”

 

His tone was firm, leaving no room for arguments, and as he turned to leave Steve didn’t hesitate to follow.  Bucky was in charge at this point.  Steve could only listen and hope he could fix his mistakes.  He was directed to the couch and told to sit while Bucky carried Tony towards one of the guest rooms.  Whatever Bucky wanted to talk about was important, he could discuss everything they’ve had for breakfast this past week and it’ll be important and Steve would listen carefully to every word.

 

Things were going to be okay.  Steve had to believe that.  Bucky would forgive him, Tony would be alright, and things would calm down.  They would be better.  Steve wouldn’t know what to do if another one of his mistakes ended up ruining the little family they had all worked so hard to build together.

 

“He’s asleep.  I’m not sure how long that will last though.”  Bucky said calmly as he walked back into the living room.  He didn’t sit next to Steve on the couch, instead he sat down in a recliner.  “I hope he sleeps through the night.”

 

“He’s been under a lot of stress lately?”  Steve asked.

 

Bucky sighed, rolling his eyes.  “What do you think?  There was a monster in our house and we just left Tony alone with him.”  He said.

 

Steve leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, his head falling into his hands.  “I am so sorry.  This is all my fault.  I… I didn’t think.  I shouldn’t have done that.  I should have talked to you.”

 

“Yes, you should have.”  Bucky said, nodding quickly.  “You just took control and did what you thought was best.  I understand you thought it would make things better, but that wasn’t your decision to make.  Tony is our friend, he means a lot to the entire team, and you’re not the most important one here.  You don’t get to decide what happens to him.  You may have stayed with him while he was in the hospital, but I was there too!”

 

“I know.  You’ve always been there, to look out for me and to check up on Tony.  Even when you left, you came back to help me with him and then you were always there.”  Steve said.  Bucky had sounded so hurt and so angry and Steve wanted to kick himself for making him feel like that.  “I just thought that he was my responsibility.  I’m the leader of this team and I ordered him into that building and I-“

 

“Shut up, Steve.”  Bucky said, cutting him off with a shake of his head.  “Yeah, you’re the leader of the team, but we’re a team.  We’re not a bunch of bumbling idiots here to have Captain America order us around.  We work together and we take care of each other.”

 

Steve closed his eyes and nodded.  This was his fault, he was willing to accept that, admit to it.  There was no denying it.  At the very least, he should have talked about this with the team before inviting a stranger into their home.  He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest as he thought about the broken shards of trust that were now jammed into all of his relationships with everyone he was close to.

 

“I don’t think this will work out the way things are now.”  Bucky said slowly.  Steve felt his heart sink.  “You know, when I ran out of the hospital that night, when you were looking at Tony like that and singing to him that song, I thought I was doing us all a favor.  I loved Tony, you loved Tony, and you and me loved each other.  I thought that if it came down to it, then you guys would choose each other.  Why would either of you pick me when a genius billionaire with a heart of gold could be with the legendary supersoldier who fought for truth and freedom for everyone.  I made a choice for all of us, let you guys be together and I find my own place somewhere, but you kept calling, kept asking for help and keeping me updated on Tony’s condition.  I realized that I couldn’t make that decision for all of us.  We would work it all out and if you both wanted me gone then I would go, but I wasn’t going to choose that for the two of you anyway.”

 

“Buck, I would never leave you.”  Steve whispered.  “Not for anybody.”

 

“That’s not the point!”  Bucky said, his voice slowly increasing in volume.  “I know that now!  The point is that you can’t make big decisions for other people.  I was perfectly happy with you and Tony and the thing we had going on.  Tony liked it too.  The three of us were good together, even if Tony stopped improving and the three of us would never actually be able to be more than this then I would still be happy.  I was safe and happy with the two men I love most.”

 

Steve bit his lower lip.  Bucky’s words struck a chord with him.  They really were happy together.  Even though Steve was guilty, Tony was hurt, and Bucky was caught in the middle of all their problems while he was still dealing with his own, the three of them worked together even in the most innocent ways.

 

“Tell me how I can fix it.”  Steve said, his voice firm despite the overwhelming emotions washing over him.  “Tell me what I can do to fix this and I’ll do it.  I’ll do anything.”

 

Bucky shook his head.  “This isn’t something you can fix, Stevie.”  He said slowly.  “What’s done is done and we just have to live with it and try to do better.”

 

“I don’t know what to do, Buck.  Tony can hardly stand being in the same room as me.”  Steve said.  “He won’t let me touch him.  He won’t let me get close to him.  He’s doing that thing where he pretends everything is alright, but it’s so easy to see through it now.  Tony used to be so good at hiding things.”

 

That was the truth.  Tony used to be so talented at hiding what was going on inside his head under a blanket of disinterest and attitude.  Things were different now.  Tony still tried to pretend, but his emotions were plain to see on his face.  Something was clearly bothering him, after everything that had happened it wasn’t surprising, but it was still difficult to understand what he was thinking.  Tony used to be such a closed book, now he was wide open but written in another language Steve couldn’t read.

 

“Talk to him.”  Bucky said simply.  “Tony missed you this past week.  He thought it was his fault, that he drove you away and ruined our relationship and that you can’t stand him anymore.  Tony thinks you hate him.  Just talk to him and explain it to him.  He understands a lot.”

 

Steve nodded.  Tony apparently understood his injury, who knew for how long, and this was only the first he was hearing about it.  Knowing Tony he probably knew for a while and just decided to not make a big deal out of it.  He would talk to him, explain that it wasn’t his fault and that he would never ever hate him.  He loved Tony, he deserved to know that.

 

“Are we okay?”  Steve asked, looking Bucky in the eye.  “You and me?”

 

Bucky shrugged.  “I don’t know.  You went too far.”  He said, sighing softly.  “I want you to talk to my therapist.  He helped me figure out that I should trust you before I jumped to conclusions.  Maybe he can help you let all of us help in the decision making.  You can’t take control like that again.  This isn’t a mission, this is our lives.”

 

Steve nodded.  He was a bit hesitant, talking about his feelings and experiences with a man he had little interaction with didn’t sound too appealing, but Bucky wanted it and he would give Bucky anything at this point.  Steve just wanted to go to sleep at night with his arms wrapped around him like he used to.  If Bucky wanted him to see a therapist for him to take him back, then Steve could do just that.

 

A loud crashing sound came from the hallway and both Steve and Bucky’s heads snapped up to look.  Tony was awake.  He was under a lot of stressed, that coupled with his exhaustion would probably make it a bad night.  The best they could do was try to calm him down and stop him from accidently hurting himself.  They were both up and rushing down the hallway by the time the second crash sounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you liked the chapter. More will be happening next, more plot stuff and more of the team working together.  
> Comment please!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 20 days since an update. Whoops. I am trash.

Tony had a rough night.  Most of it was just like all the other bad nights, he yelled and screamed.  It wasn’t like the penthouse, where they had months of experience and preparation for nights like these.  Up there they had everything sharp and breakable hidden away.  By the time the crashing started and Bucky and Steve rushed into his room, Tony had broken two picture frames and was kicking angrily at the dresser.

 

It only took them little less than an hour to calm Tony down enough for him to stop trying to attack the furniture and break everything in his path.  At the end of it all, he did less than a hundred dollars worth of damage and had a cut on his hand.  He flinched away whenever Steve came too close, cradling his hand close to his chest, and sometimes even yelled until Bucky stepped in between them.

 

“Why?”  Tony mumbled, his hand trembling as Bucky’s nimble fingers cleaned the cut and began to bandage it.

 

“Why what, sweetheart?”  Bucky said.  Tony hummed and tried to pull his hand out of Bucky’s gentle grip, he didn’t succeed.  “Why am I bandaging your hand?  Because you picked up broken glass.  You’re lucky it doesn’t need stitches.”

 

Tony frowned, shaking his head quickly.  “No.  Not that.”

 

Steve was in the corner sweeping up the broken remnants of a picture frame and getting rid of anything dangerous.  It felt familiar, natural to be cleaning up broken things and looking after Tony with Bucky again.  At times like these he would remember the countless psychologists and physicians who talked to them extensively about the nature of Tony’s injury.  He would express emotions differently, have trouble communicating, and outbursts like these would be common.  The idea that Tony was silently suffering in his own head and feeling that no one was listening to him when he tried to speak scared Steve, frightened him to the bone about what could be going on in his mind that made these violent outbursts seem like the best course of action.

 

Things were easier after that.  Tony let Bucky pick him up off of the floor and into his arms, carrying him out into the common room and gently deposited on to the couch.  Plush blankets were laid across him and the tv started playing one of the many science documentaries that helped Tony not only focus but relax.  Steve didn’t understand a word of what the show was talking about, but Tony always became enthralled with it.

 

He sat down on the couch next to Tony, not close enough to touch.  He didn’t miss the way Tony subconsciously leaned towards him and then quickly jerked away.  Steve saw it clearly.  He wished it was like before, when Tony was in distress he could hold him close and help him feel secure and safe.

 

Bucky was in the kitchen, the sound of pots being placed on the stove and the faint smell of cocoa powder told him what Bucky was doing and his homemade cocoa was the best in the world, perfect for stressful night like these.

 

“I’m sorry.”  Steve whispered.  Tony didn’t move, but he hummed slightly in response.  “I shouldn’t have left.”

 

“Why did you?”  Tony said, his voice calm but not as steady as he probably intended.  “It’s okay.  It’s my fault, right?  Mine, mine.  Fine.”  He sighed and shook his head.

 

It was probably frustrating for him, to not be able to get his words out the way he wanted.  Now that Steve knew that Tony at least partially understood his injury, it was easy to see the annoyance and absolute devastation in Tony’s face.  It also became clear to him how far they had come.  Tony had gone from being incapable of even putting on his own clothes and questioning what was happening and where he was every few minutes, to understanding the situation and being able to mostly do everything himself.  He dressed himself, could eat without assistance, and could probably even shower on his own.  And that all meant that they were getting pretty close to where Tony was able to be independent again and he wouldn’t need them any longer.

 

“No, sweetheart.  It’s not your fault.”  Steve said.  He reached out slowly, making sure to project his movements, and rested his hand on his shoulder.  Tony froze, his eyes growing wide as looked down at the hand, but didn’t pull away.  Steve removed his hand anyway.  “I sorta fell in love with you when I had no right to.  I have no right to, not after I caused your injury, not when you needed me to take care of you, and definitely not when you were vulnerable and confused.”

 

“Oh.”  Tony said.  He chewed at his bottom lip and didn’t take his eyes off of the tv screan.  “Don’t blame ya, I’m pretty irresistible.  But you left.  So… you didn’t want to love me?”

 

Tony sounded nervous.  Of course he did, he thought Steve left because of him.  “No, it’s not that.  There is no one on Earth who would ever say they don’t want to love you and be with you.”  Steve said.  “I was just scared I would take advantage.”

 

There was a pause as Tony blinked, staring at him as his words tumbled around in his mind.  Then he laughed.  Tony’s laugh was beautiful, Steve would write music based off of that sound if he had any idea how to read or write music.  But he can’t, so he’ll settle for appreciating it.

 

“You’re an idiot, Rogers.”  Tony said.  “You can’t do that.  Not able, not possible for you.”

 

“I’m capable of doing a lot of things, Tony.  Things don’t always work out the way we want them to.”  Steve said softly.  He wanted to reach out and touch him, to squeeze Tony’s shoulder or pull him into a hug.  He couldn’t though, not yet. 

 

Tony was laughing again, it wasn’t as easy and simple as his earlier one had been.  This one was light and soft and nervous.  “Nah.  You’re good.”  He said quickly.  “Steve, you’re… good.  Really good.”

 

Tony’s hands twitched in his direction, but ultimately were just pulled up tightly against his chest and not moving an inch closer to Steve.  He didn’t trust him, which was understandable considering the week he had been through all because of him.  Steve would take it all back if he could. 

 

Bucky came back in and placed three steaming mugs on the coffee table, Steve reached out and grabbed his instantly.  The warmth soaked into his hands and Steve closed his eyes to focus on that for a little while.  It was a small comfort.

 

When he opened his eyes again, Tony was curled against Bucky’s side and pressing against him as if he was trying to be absorbed by him.  It was a beautiful sight, Steve wanted to commit it to memory.  More importantly however, he wanted to be able to curl up with them.  He reached out slowly and laid a gentle hand on Tony’s shoulder.  He jerked away with soft gasp.

 

“No.”  Tony said quickly and Steve removed his hand.  Bucky reacted instantly, wrapping one arm around Tony’s shoulders and then reaching out with his other hand to hold Steve’s.  Tony’s eyes followed their hands, but smiled at it as he tried to burrow himself further into Bucky.

 

They sat like that for some time.  Tony nodded off to sleep eventually, completely at peace with having Steve close by but not touching him.  Steve’s touch was tainted to him now, Tony didn’t trust him, but it was something he could live with.  At least for the moment, Steve could have Tony close by and not touch him or hold him or anything that would make him uncomfortable.

 

“Why?”  Tony whispered, his droopy eyes blinking quickly.  Bucky hummed as his arm around Tony’s shoulders shifted until he was stroking his hair.  Tony pulled away quickly.  “Why am I like this?”

 

Steve froze.  “Like what, darling?”

 

“Different.  You know, I’m different.”  Tony said slowly.  He moved to sit up and lean against the soft couch cushions.  “Still devilishly handsome… but different.  My head, doesn’t make sense.”

 

“I know.  Things might not start making sense for a while.”  Bucky said slowly.  He threw his arm back around Tony’s shoulders and pulled him close.  “Might not ever.  The mind is a weird thing, I just know you got a good brain on you and you’re going to be okay.”

 

Tony frowned as he stared at his steadily cooling mug of cocoa on the coffee table and bit his lower lip.  “Is a good brain.”  He muttered.  “Best in the world.”

 

Steve agreed softly and Tony seemed to relax.  His eyes stayed clouded and unfocused, he fidgeted uncomfortably, but he also seemed like there was nowhere else he wanted to be.  His arms and legs were lax as he leaned further into the couch and let his head fall to Bucky’s shoulder.  Steve wanted to wipe the sweaty, greasy hair off of Tony’s forehead and find some way to comfort him without making things worse.

 

“You need a shower.”  Bucky whispered.

 

Tony shook his head softly.  “No.”  With that the matter was dropped.  “I’m sorry I broke the picture frame.  I don’t know why I do things sometimes.  Just so angry and it was there.”

 

Bucky kissed his forehead.  “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

 

Steve grabbed the remote and turned up the volume on the tv, within moments it had captured Tony and Bucky’s entire attention.  It was a documentary about NASA and the Apollo missions, which was amazing when he thought about it from the mindset of a kid from the early 20th century, but also hard to understand and confusing.  Tony and Bucky loved it.

 

It wasn’t long until they all dropped off for some much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sweet boys. Hopefully everything works out, they're all pretty stressed right now.


	23. Chapter 23

Kyle was released from Avenger’s Tower and handed off to the ‘proper’ authorities after a few days.  There were quite a few negotiations and plans that had to be made with the police and justice system.  Although he wasn’t considered a serious threat to the safety and health of the public he was still an enemy of the Avengers and wasn’t to be treated less than that. 

 

Pepper had done a press conference, finally fully releasing the nature of Tony’s injuries and how far he’s come in healing, and how someone they hired to help look after him had betrayed all of their trust.  The public response was better than they had hoped, although there was a small drop in SI stock.  Everything seemed to be holding itself together.  Tony was going to be okay.  Except that he still refused to shower, no one was allowed into his room, and he wouldn’t talk about what had happened. 

 

It was almost like how things used to be.  Tony was ignoring the problems, laughing and joking as if nothing had happened, and if history was to judge, he would keeping doing that until it all fell apart around him.  Steve didn’t have the most accurate view into Tony’s thought processes, or how one would cope with the kind of trauma he had faced, but he was sure that if he kept on ignoring the issue instead of dealing with it, then it would tear him apart.

 

“I don’t…”  Tony mumbled, staring intently at the tv.  “That’s not how this works.  21st century, don’t need water to shower.  I could make a sanitizing foam, spray me down, and everything would work out fine.  It could wash clothes too.  Boom, revolutionizing the world.”

 

“That’s great, Tones.”  Rhodey said slowly.  “But until then you still have to take an actual shower.  You’re my friend, and I love you, but showers are important for personal hygiene and health.”

 

Tony hummed as he shrugged his shoulders.  He was hunched over the kitchen counter, a spoon held awkwardly in his hands as he ate a bowl of Captain Crunch.  It was hard to tell what kind of day they were having, Tony had been fine, talkative and all of his old enthusiasm had seemed come back.  It was like how it used to be, before the incident and before the world fell apart.  Tony was behaving and rambling and annoying everyone just as he always used to, just with slight differences to speech patterns and body language.  It was hard to tell if he was actually okay or pretending to be.

 

“I could make it affordable.  Everyone could have it.  No water anymore.”  Tony said quickly.  “No, wait.  I think it might have already been done.  Maybe I’m thinking of something else.  I could make something.  Like a time machine.  That would be cool.  A bit old school, but still cool.”

 

“Tony, shower.”  Steve said, finally speaking up.  Tony’s eyes turned to him, wide, curious, and a bit wary.  “You’ll feel better once you’re clean.”

 

As if those were the magic words for the wrong spell, Tony’s whole body stiffened and he shook his head.  “Fuck you, Rogers.  Don’t know anything.  Feel better when I want to feel better, showering has nothing to do with it.”  Tony said, barking out the words in anger.  “What do you want?  Why?  Why?”

 

“Why what?”  Steve said.  “I don’t want anything from you, I just want you to be okay.”

 

“No.  No.  Liar, liar.  Captain Pants On Fire.”  Tony said repeatedly as he shook his head and scanned the kitchen.  Unsatisfied with what he found he stood up, backing away from the counter and shouted.  “Bucky!  Bucky, James!  Buck buck.”

 

Sliding into the kitchen in rushed grace and completely alert, Bucky appeared in front of Tony in just moments.  Steve couldn’t help but smile at the devotion and care.  “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”  Rhodey said.  “We’re just trying to see if Tony will take a shower.  It’s been over a week and it can’t be good for him.”

 

“Don’t want to.”  Tony said, his voice taking on a sing-song tone.  “Bucky’s on my side.  Always on my side, my friend.  Bucky, James.”

 

There was a small pause as Bucky’s eyes scanned over Tony carefully, looking for any sign of distress or harm.  After a moment, satisfied with what he saw, Bucky’s body relaxed.  “Tony, sweetheart.  Showing is kinda important.  You gotta be clean if you want to stay healthy.”  He said calmly.  This was good, Bucky and Tony got along spectacularly, especially these days.  “We got the body wash you like.  You know, the one that smells like mangos.”

 

Tony rolled his eyes.  “I don’t want it.  You can’t make me.  I have work to do.”  He said.  No one moved.  Rhodey was still standing by the counter, Steve was off to the side so he was out of the way, and Bucky stayed right by Tony.  “Please, don’t make me.”

 

“Baby, no one is going to make you do anything.  I promise.”  Bucky said, smiling and he pulled Tony close and didn’t at all seem bothered with the fact that Tony hadn’t showed in a while.  “All any of us want is for you to be safe, comfortable, and happy.  We just think you would feel better if you washed up a bit.”

 

Tony looked around the room, his eyes focusing in on Steve and Rhodey as he pressed his face into Bucky’s chest and whispered.  His voice so soft and quiet that Steve could only just manage to make it out with his advanced hearing.  “I don’t think I’m okay.”  Tony had said.  “I don’t want to take a shower.”

 

Bucky simply kissed Tony’s hair and hummed him a slow melody.  Steve felt like an outsider, watching a gentle scene between two lovers who he had no business to be so close to.  He felt like an intruder.  They were whispering again and this time Steve used all of his strength not to listen.

 

“Fine.”  Tony said after a while.  “But I want Rhodey.”

 

That was a surprise.  With the way they were leaning into each other, simultaneously holding each other up and in one piece, Steve would have thought that Tony would have picked Bucky.  The way he responded to just the idea of the shower made Steve worry, perhaps he was afraid of it.

 

“Seriously, Tones?”  Rhodey said, a fond smile breaking out across his face.  “You know I only help you shower when you have broken bones or are too drunk to do it yourself.  I thought I was off the hook once you became a grown up superhero.”

 

“I don’t need help showering.”  Tony said quickly.  He took a deep breath and then forced out a smile of his own, this one weak and shaky.  “I just want you to watch the door.”

 

That struck a chord in Steve, he felt as if a metal band was wrapping around his heart and squeezing until it was about to burst.  Tony didn’t feel safe, he didn’t want to be naked and vulnerable.  Even though Anderson had been separated from Tony for over a week and has been out of the tower for days, Tony’s mind was still telling him that the danger was still there.  Or maybe it was Steve that Tony was worried would come in and take advantage.  Or, perhaps it was like the pool, where Tony trusted Rhodey completely to help him through the water and stop him from going under.  Steve didn’t have the courage to ask.

 

Tony wiggled out of Bucky’s embrace and moved himself into Rhodey’s waiting arms, who casually led him out of the kitchen and down the hall, with soft mutterings of soggy cereal.  Once they were gone the room was quieter, darker, and overwhelmingly empty.

 

“You’re not doing so good.”  Bucky said.  He frowned over at Steve.  “I know that look.  You’re either thinking too much or not thinking enough.  Stop it.”

 

“Well, I don’t know how you expect me to think just the right amount, and have everything under control, and be okay.  I’m not sure if I can do that, Buck.”  Steve said, surprised at the honesty in his words.  “I guess I’m not doing good.  I think I’m falling apart actually.”

 

Steve looked down and studied Bucky’s feet as his lover walked up to him, he could feel the familiar hands wrapping around the back of his neck and the soft mouth pressing against his forehead.  It was different from all the other times Bucky would kiss his head to comfort him.  Before, he would have had to tilt Steve’s head up and then crouch down to get it.  Now, they were more evened out.  Steve was just a few inches taller than Bucky, but Buck was thicker, more muscular.  It wasn’t just a short, skinny, and sickly kid being shrunk down in comparison to his larger, healthier friend.  Now they were one in the same.

 

It was a strange sort of comfort that Steve enjoyed these days.

 

He didn’t notice that he was being led out of the kitchen and into the common room until Bucky had pushed on his shoulders and dropped him onto the couch.  They sat next to each other, leaning into one another as they shared a space.  “Talk.”

 

“I thought you wanted me to talk to a professional about this stuff.”  Steve said slowly.

 

Bucky nodded.  “I do.  And you will.”  He said.  “Until then you can tell me.  I may not be much help but I’ll listen.”

 

He wondered briefly about where he should start.  Maybe with the guilt, or the fear and shame, or the realization that he loved Tony.  Maybe he should talk about the list he was growing in his head that had everything he would have gone back and changed if he could.

 

“I just… this is my fault.  I know that none of you blame me, but none of this would have happened if I had been a better leader.”  Steve said carefully.  He didn’t look at Bucky while he spoke, instead he kept his eyes straight ahead and out the window, the view of the city reminding him of where he was and Tony’s generosity that led him to have a home in this tower.  “I made a call on that mission, I sent him into that building, and it was a trap.  A bomb blew up so close to him and then a building crashed around him.  You remember how he looked when we finally dug him out, I thought he was dead.  The suit was crushed, there was so much blood, and it was all my fault.  I did that to him.  And now he doesn’t even remember what happened, let alone what it would mean if he did.”

 

Bucky wrapped his arms around him and pulled him against his chest.  “He understands a lot more than we give him credit for.  He’s smart, so damn smart, that he’s probably figured it all out by now and is just processing what it all means.  He’s different now, but he’s getting better.  He doesn’t even really need us anymore, he can take care of himself with just some careful prompting and having people who love him close by.”  He said hopefully.  “This is our Tony, he’s going to be okay.”

 

“Yeah, he is going to be okay.”  Steve said.  Tony was going to be just fine.  He could do pretty much everything by himself, shower and eat, dress himself and go about his day.  All he needed was some careful reminding sometimes and patience from his friends.  Steve wasn’t worried about Tony taking care of himself though, he was worried about how he was coping with what had happened.  How was Tony dealing with having to relearn to communicate and survive after an injury rearranged everything inside his head?  How was Tony handling the stress of never having enough words, of never being able to quite behave and speak like he used to?  “I just see him every day and I see that he’s struggling and I know that’s because of me.  I keep screwing everything up.”

 

“You didn’t screw things up, Steve.  Not when it came to that mission.  You thought there were civilians in trouble, you sent in the closest one of us who could have helped.  Tony’s not an idiot, he knew the risks going in there, and he chose to do what he thought was the right thing.  You both were trying to save people.”  Bucky said.

 

Steve shook his head and sighed.  “Yes, but it was a trap.  I should have thought about that before sending him in.  I should have been more careful.”

 

“And what if you did?  What if you told Tony to wait and not go in and then the building had collapsed?  What if it turned out there really were civilians in there, it would have destroyed both of you.  No one is blaming you for trying to save people.”  Bucky said quickly.  “You didn’t cause Tony’s injury and let’s face it, that idiot is about as reckless as you are and would have gone into that building with or without your orders if he thought there were people in trouble.”

 

It made sense.  Everything always made so much more sense when someone else was talking to him than it did in his head.  Whenever Steve tried to think about what had happened and his role in the whole thing, it was an overwhelming sense of fault, that he did this and these are the consequences.  It still didn’t change much though, hearing Bucky try to reason the guilt away.  Steve was still the leader, he still had a responsibility, and Tony was still hurt.

 

He didn’t bring up hiring Kyle.  That was all on him and his fear of what he might do wrong instead of worrying about anything else.  He had made a mistake, and Tony had backslid because of it.  Things might get better, and hopefully they will, but Steve didn’t trust himself to have any part in it.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. School and work are kicking my ass. I do have time to write though, not a lot but enough. Thank you for sticking with this!

“So, from what I’m understanding is you feel guilty over a mission that went wrong and took responsibility for it.”  The doctor said.

 

Steve couldn’t avoid it anymore, his issues were building up and spilling out of him.  The problems weren’t going to go away on their own, he had to protect Tony from himself, had to make sure he wouldn’t make things worse again.  Either he leaves and goes someplace far away or he tries to understand why he did anything so stupid in the first place.

 

“I’m team leader.”  He said.

 

The doctor, Steve thought his name was Edwards, nodded slowly.  “So, because you’re the leader, when something goes wrong it is your fault?”  He asked.

 

“Yes.”  Steve said, there was no denying the truth to it.  “I should have planned for something like that.  It was obviously a trap, we have precautions in place for that sort of thing, and we all just ignored them and Tony got hurt because of it.”

 

Dr. Edwards hummed.  “It was your job to know that sort of thing was a trap?  To have a plan in place for every possibility?”  He asked.  Of course that was how things were.  Steve’s job was to keep the team safe and command them so that they could complete missions.  If Steve couldn’t do both of those, if he couldn’t protect his teammates, then he had no place being the captain.  He told the doctor as much.  Dr. Edwards frowned.  “What if there was a situation that was so outrageous and so unlikely that there was no plan?”

 

“That happens sometimes, but usually we do good at thinking on the fly.  We analyze the situation and adapt accordingly.”  Steve said.  “There are still precautions though.  We always stay in sight of each other unless strictly necessary, no one enters any structures unless accompanied by teammate.

 

“Then why did Mr. Stark go into that building alone?”

 

“Because there was no other option!”  Steve said, fully aware that his voice had risen until he was shouting.  “Everyone had their hands full and no one could get there in time.  Tony said he heard cries for help from the building but the scans said there weren't any civilians and I wasn’t thinking and just sent him in without double checking.”

 

Dr. Edwards nodded slowly and started scribbling down on his notebook.  Steve couldn’t help but feel like a bug trapped under a microscope, being observed and studied through the cold eye of the scientist above him.  It would help though, probably.  Wasn’t the whole point of doctors, even the psychological kind, was that they did no harm?  He would study Steve and then help him make things right.

 

“Do you think Mr. Stark would have gone into that building even if you told him to wait?”  He asked.  Steve already knew the answer.  Of course Tony would have gone in, he wouldn’t have waited for backup or for any scans to tell him whether or not there were people in there.  If there was even a chance of civilians being in danger then he would be rushing in to help.  Tony was good, so selfless and brave and this is the thanks he got.

 

“That’s different.”  Steve said.  “I risked a teammate’s life on a chance.  Tony was risking his own life.  That makes all the difference in the world.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

The session didn’t go as well as Steve had hoped.  It was all about his guilt, how what had happened was affecting him, when that wasn’t important.  Tony was the one who had to live with the results every moment of his life.  Steve didn’t need to make himself feel better about his mistakes, he needed to fix them.

 

The tower was quiet.  Most of the team was gone, off doing one thing or another.  The only person there to greet Steve when he got home was Rhodey and Wanda, who were in the kitchen eating.  They both looked up at him as he entered, Wanda smiled and Rhodey nodded, pointing at an empty seat between them.  They had been waiting for him.

 

“Where is everyone?”  Steve asked as he took the seat, he wasn’t in any position to be refusing one of Tony’s friends.

 

“The team got called out on some minor thing, we don’t all have to be there.”  Rhodey said.  Steve felt his heart plummet.  They took a mission without him.  They were already pushing him away, disregarding him as a leader, and distancing him from the team.  “Tony, Barnes, and Pepper went out to the beach.”

 

That would be nice.  Tony could get out and get some sun, they probably found a nice beach away from the city where they could be alone and wouldn’t have to worry about paparazzi or nosey fans.  Steve was a little disappointed he missed it.

 

“They would have asked you to come, but it was last minute.”  Wanda said softly.  “Tony just decided he wanted to go to the beach.  I think he just wanted to be outside for a while.”

 

He hoped they were having a nice time, although he wasn’t sure how it would have gone once they got there.  Tony didn’t like swimming.  He could imagine it, them all out in the sun and relaxing.  Perhaps Tony would be lying on a beach towel and soaking in the light, in nothing but his swim trunks.  Tony had grown pale in the past few months, his hair shaggier, his beard shaved off, and his muscle mass slowly disappearing.  He probably looked so different in the natural light.

 

“They do not hate you.”  Wanda said, his eyes sharp as she stared at him.  “It’s what you think, but you are wrong.”

 

Steve shook his head.  He wasn’t in the mood.  “They all have every right to hate me after what I did.”

 

“True.”  Rhodes said, Steve looked away.  “But they don’t.  Tony certainly doesn’t.  For some weird reason, I think he’s in love with you.”

 

Something stopped Steve from breathing properly for a few seconds.  Rhodes was being cruel now, attacking him where he knew he was vulnerable.  “Don’t say things like that.”  Steve said, hating how shaky and devastated his voice sounded.  “Tony can barely stand being in the same room as me.  He won’t let me touch him.  He knows it’s my fault and he hates me for it.”

 

“No.”  Wanda said, shaking her head.  “He thinks you hate him, I can see it.”

 

It was almost easy to forget that Wanda could see what was going on in their heads.  She didn’t talk about it often, what she saw, but always seemed to share when it was important.  It didn’t feel important at the moment, it felt like she was just adding more pointless imput on an already difficult situation that didn’t affect her.

 

“Why do you care?”  Steve asked quickly.  “You hate Tony.”

 

Wanda blinked, pausing as if to collect her thoughts.  “I did.”

 

‘Did’ she had said.  Past tense.  “What are you playing at?”  Steve said, narrowing her eyes.  He looked over to Rhodes in question.  He cared about Tony, had known him longer than anyone else, and he would know what was best for him.  “You hated Tony for years, you’re not just gonna start liking him and trying to help him overnight.  What do you want?”

 

She didn’t say anything, just stood up and walked out of the room.  Steve was left in the kitchen and did nothing but watch her go.  He was more confused than when their conversation started.  All he wanted was for things to be okay again, to go back in time and stop the incident from ever happening.  He didn’t want everyone to distrust him, to rub it in his face that his feelings for Tony had caused this whole mess.  He wanted to be left alone.

 

The moment he tried to stand, Rhodey’s hand grabbed onto his shoulder and pulled him back down into his seat.  “Go easy on her, man.  This whole thing has been tough on all of us.”  He said, giving Steve a hard look.  There were questions, most of them centered on how any of this could have been hard for Wanda, who simply wanted to have Tony killed not too long ago back when they first met.  “They’ve been talking.  I think they’re working through stuff.  That and I can only imagine how difficult it is to read people’s minds and how confusing Tony’s thoughts must have been the past few months.”

 

“I don’t know what you all expect me to do.”  Steve said slowly.  “I don’t know how to fix it.”

 

Rhodes nodded.  “This isn’t something you can fix.  Tony isn’t something that needs to be fixed.”  He said, his tone cold and terrifying.  “He’s not broken.  Things are just different now.  It doesn’t mean it’s bad.  Tony will be okay, you just have to talk to him.  I hate that he thinks you want nothing to do with him.  That he feels like he is the reason you left him with that man.  You get yourself together and you talk to him because I am sick of seeing him so sad and so scared.”

 

With that, he left.  Steve was still confused.

 

~~~

 

The team was still gone when Bucky, Pepper, and Tony returned to the tower.  They seemed tired, but not entirely upset or distraught.  In fact, they seemed relaxed.  It had probably been an alright day.  Tony had tanned a bit, and Steve hated that it made the thin, pale scars that zigzagged across his head more visible.  The shiny gaps in his hair where the wounds had been the worst and the white lines over the side of his face now stood out against his golden skin.

 

“The beach was great.”  Pepper said, her smile wide.  “It was a good day.  A nice, calm little trip.  We needed that.”

 

Steve was ready to agree, the past few months had run them all down and drained them.  This little trip made the three of them look a bit lively again.  He was happy for them.

 

“I didn’t swim.”  Tony said slowly.  He wasn’t looking at him, instead he was casually trying to unpack his beach things, a sandy towel and a dry swimsuit.

 

Steve smiled at him, although he wasn’t looking to see it.  “Did you want to?”

 

Tony nodded.  “Yeah.  But I didn’t.”  He said.  When he turned to look at Steve, he seemed hesitant.  “I wanted to, but I couldn’t.  Swim.  I couldn’t swim.”

 

They both looked at Bucky, as if he held the answer to some unspoken question.  “No one said you had to swim, Tony.”  He said, his eyes darting between the two of them.

 

Tony frowned at him, displeased with his answer but a fond smile quickly overcame his face.  “You’re no help.”  He said.  He turned back to Steve and smiled.  “It was a nice day.  You could have come if you wanted, got the stick out of your butt and had fun for once.”

 

“I, uh.  I had an appointment I couldn’t miss.”  Steve said.  He wasn’t going to think too much of it, he decided.  The doctor knew what he was doing and seeing Tony again, so relaxed and as close to happy as he had been since before the incident, just reminded Steve that if he was going to properly apologize and protect Tony as he should then he has to work on himself first.  Tony was smiling, he wasn’t guarded or confused.  Things were okay.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive and I am still writing! Sorry for the delay. I am garbage.

They were relaxed.  The three of them huddled together on the couch as they watched the film.  Bucky was laid over Steve’s lap with Tony huddled up on his chest, resting his head just under Bucky’s chin.  It was surprisingly comfortable.  Carefully, he reached out and laid a hand on Tony’s head, feeling how he tensed underneath him.  Tony didn’t pull away, but Steve pulled his hand back regardless.

 

 

“It’s okay.”  Tony said.  “You can stroke my hair if you want.”

 

 

He sounded calm, his voice steady and smooth and Steve almost believed him.  Things weren’t fixed, and although Tony had made the effort to talk with him, to try and understand him, it didn’t change the fact that Tony would still flinch away every time Steve reached out to touch him.  He hoped, Steve prayed even, that one day Tony would trust him again.

 

 

The fact that Tony was offering the contact was remarkable.  After what had happened, Tony slunk away when people tried to touch him in certain places, his head was one of them.  He used to adore having his hair played with, then he was terrified of it, and now he’s telling Steve it was okay.  It was strange.

 

 

“You don’t have to do that.”  Steve said.  The last thing he wanted to do after everything he had caused was make Tony more uncomfortable. 

 

 

“I said it was fine.”  Tony turned slightly so he was facing Steve.  “Stop whining and pet my hair.”

 

 

“But you tensed, you don’t want me to.”

 

 

“You just took me by surprise now pet my hair before I beat you up.”  Tony said, a small smile playing at his lips.  “I could do it, you know.  I cleared all the tests they wanted me to do to get access back to the suit.  I can take you on.”

 

 

“You’re such a child.  I’m not going to fight you, I’m not going to touch you, I just want you to be safe and happy.”  Steve said, rolling his eyes.

 

 

Bucky groaned.  “Guys, movie.”  He said.  “Stop being idiots.”

 

 

They settled, Tony turned back to the movie and Steve went back to watching the two of them cuddle as they laid across him and the couch.  He knew what he was doing, Tony used to be a master at pretending things didn’t bother him.  Now that he was getting better, getting a hold of himself again, he was trying to go back to old habits.  Steve wasn’t going to do that, he wasn’t going to make Tony uncomfortable or afraid ever again.

 

 

Tony’s hair was growing out again, curling around his forehead and his ears.  Bucky’s was long enough to once more pull it into a small ponytail.  It had been months since their last haircut, when Tony wasn’t healed enough to really manage on his own.  Steve’s eyes were drawn to Tony’s dark hair, where the scars on his head left thin gaps where the hair wouldn’t grow.  Steve wanted to run his fingers through it.  He didn’t.

 

 

The movie ended, another one started.  The lights played across their faces, accentuated their features, and Bucky eventually let his eyes slide shut.  No one moved.  Tony stayed curled up on Bucky’s chest, the closest Steve was ever allowed to be to him, and they kept watching the movie.  Eventually, Tony rolled over and leaned further onto Steve, initiating contact.  They both remained still for some time after that.

 

 

“Am I different now?”  Tony whispered.  Bucky stayed asleep.

 

 

“Yeah.  I guess.”  Steve said.  “But we’re all different.  It’s not a bad thing.”

 

 

“But am I bad different?”  Tony said.  “I know what head injuries are, I know how they affect the brain, but I don’t quite understand how different it made me.  I can still work.  I’m still a genius, you should see the new gauntlets I designed the other day, way more flexible for the hands and wrists.  Anyway, I know how I am now and when I try to think of how I was before, nothing seems off.  From my perspective, everything’s just the way it is.”

 

 

Steve listened, his attention on each individual word.  Yes, Tony was different now.  He held his silverware and his tools with his whole hand, his fist wrapped around them, instead of them resting delicately on his fingers like they used to.  He stumbled often, his steps not as graceful.  He had lost the fluidity in his words, used to be able to throw them out easily and brilliantly and now he had to stop and think of what to say in order to get his mind working around it all.  One of the most noticeable changes,

 

 

“No, you’re not a bad different.  You could never be a bad anything.”  Steve said.

 

 

Tony sighed.  “Then why do you hate me?”  He said, his tone still calm and relaxed.

 

 

“I don’t hate you.  I love you.”  Steve said.  “I love you, I keep telling you that but you never believe me.”

 

 

“But you left.”  Tony’s voice was soft, his words mumbled out as Tony looked up at him with large eyes.

 

 

That was it, the center of Tony’s insecurities.  He trusted Bucky and Rhodey and everyone else more than Steve because of this.  Steve left him, when he was injured and confused and replaced himself with a man who hurt him.  Tony understood that, and blamed himself.  Reasoned it out to mean that it was him, he drove Steve away because he was different or wasn’t lovable enough.

 

 

“Because I’m an idiot.  I love you and I was worried I would hurt you.”  Steve said.  Tony made a face at that.

 

 

Then he started laughing, holding a hand to his mouth to keep from being too loud and waking Bucky, but his body rocked with each sharp intake of breath and Bucky’s arms came up around him to pull Tony closer.  His eyes didn’t open, Bucky was probably still mostly asleep.

 

 

“You thought you would hurt me?”  Tony said, a fond, dorky smile spread across his face.  “Big mean Captain America thought he was going to hurt poor old me.  You’re adorable.”

 

 

“I’m not adorable.  I’m misguided, but with good intentions.”  Steve said, rolling his eyes.  “I’m also tough, and dangerous.”

 

 

The laughter started up again, this time the shaking of Tony’s body woke Bucky fully.  He opened his eyes with a soft frown.  “He thinks he’s tough.”  Tony said, leaning down to press his face against Bucky’s chest.  “Says he’s not adorable.”

 

 

“Steve.”  Bucky said, sighing.  Steve waited, probably about to get yelled at for waking him from his nap.  “Shut up, you’re adorable.”

 

 

Tony sat up and shoved his hands in the air in victory.  He reached out and curled a hand into Steve’s shirt, not pulling closer or pushing away.  “I told you!  Adorable.  Wouldn’t hurt a fly, unless it was a nazi fly.”  Tony said, smiling brightly.  “Did you mean it?”

 

 

“That I’m tough?  Of course I meant it.  I’m leader of the Avengers.  I have to be tough.”  Steve said.  Tony’s smile widened and Bucky glanced between the two of them.  “If you’re asking if I meant it when I said I loved you, then yes.  I’ve told you a few times before, but you never believe me.  I love you and it wasn’t your fault that I left.  I have some problems, but I’m trying to fix it.  All of it.”

 

 

“Adorable.”  Tony said.  He didn’t move, but his hold on Steve’s shirt tightened.

 

 

Bucky sighed, rolling his eyes.  “For fucks sake, what were you two doing while I was asleep?”  He didn’t wait for an answer, instead he reached up to curl his hand around the back of Tony’s neck and grabbed onto Steve’s face and forced them together.  It wasn’t cute or romantic, it was just their faces pressed together awkwardly.  Tony started laughing again.  “Nope, just kiss.  I’ve had to deal with Steve making guilty love faces at you for months and Tony’s been dtf for a long time now.”

 

 

“What’s ‘dtf’ mean?”  Tony asked, his voice light.

 

 

“Tony, it means whatever you think it mean.  But you were the one who explained it to me the first time.”  Bucky said.

 

 

Tony shrugged.  “Well, there’s a lot of fuzzy bits in my head right now so don’t blame me.”  He said, still smiling.

 

 

Steve would have shaken his head if Bucky’s metal hand wasn’t holding it in place.  This was wonderfully domestic, Bucky pressing his and Tony’s faces together and all Tony could do was ramble.  It wasn’t sexual, it didn’t seem at all as inappropriate as it did when Steve first imagined things like this.  He pressed into it, his lips pressing further against Tony’s mouth.  His lips were soft, slightly chapped but warm and opening.  Tony didn’t pull away, just pressed closer.  He could feel the smile against his mouth.

 

 

When Tony finally jerked away, it was quick.  His eyes were wide and his face contorted in a devastating expression.  Steve pulled away, he had done it.  He made Tony uncomfortable.

 

 

“That’s enough.”  He said quickly, standing up and pulling himself away from Bucky’s hold.  Steve stayed sitting as he watched him go, his heart pounding in his chest.  “Good stuff.  Nice kiss.  10/10.  Loved it.  Got other things to do, see you guys in a bit.”

 

 

He fled, stumbling when he got to the door but quickly pulled himself up and out.  No one went after him, Bucky was still lying across Steve’s lap and Steve knew when he wasn’t wanted.  He had screwed up again, kissing Tony so soon after he was attacked by that man.  Of course it would be uncomfortable, Tony could hardly stand mild physical contact from him, let alone something as intimate as kissing.

 

 

Bucky sat up.  “Go after him.”  He said, grabbing Steve’s arm to drag him up when he stood.

 

 

Steve shook his head.  Bucky couldn’t be serious.  “No.  I’m not going to force him to deal with me presence after that.  He’s scared.”  He said. 

 

 

“He’s confused.  You guys need to talk.  We need to have a nice sit down, a chit chat, some cocoa.”  Bucky said.  “I swear, you two just need to talk it out.  I’m gonna call Rhodey, we’re all gonna shout until you do.”

 

 

Tony wasn’t in his lab.  The doors were closed, the lights were off, and none of the bots seemed to know where he was.  He wasn’t on his floor, it had been abandoned after everything went to hell.  Tony was still in the tower, they took comfort in that knowledge.  But it took nearly half an hour to find him by the pool, his legs kicking in the water as he frowned down at his reflection.

 

 

He didn’t look up when they walked to him.  He didn’t move when Bucky sat down at his side.  It was quiet, almost peaceful.  If not for knowledge of how wrong everything was spinning around inside of Steve’s thoughts, he would have loved to see the two of them so comfortable next to each other.

 

 

“I always thought I could do it.”  Tony said slowly.  “Get in the water, be a bit less broken.”

 

 

“You’re not-“  Steve started.

 

 

“Don’t need your opinion on what I am.”  Tony said.  “I know what happened, people tend to think I don’t, but I do.  Brain injury, PTSD, nurse from hell.  I understand.  I’m not stupid.”

 

 

Bucky wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in closer.  “We never thought you were, our little genius.”

 

 

“I know what happened, I know what it means, I just don’t know how to feel about it all.  Sometimes I feel like I got it under control, like my head isn’t fuzzy and my body is moving how I want it too and other times I just feel everything.”  Tony said, his frown deepened as he kicked at his reflection in the pool.  “I’m angry and I’m scared and I can’t stop.  One moment I feel fine and the next the worlds falling apart.  At first I liked kissing you and then I felt like there were too many hands on me.”

 

 

Bucky was about to pull away, but Tony leaned in closer.  Steve walked slowly, projecting his movements so that Tony could avoid him if he wanted to.  He didn’t know what to say.

 

 

“Did you leave because I’m different?”  Tony asked.  “Because sometimes I can’t control myself and freak out, break things.  Because I forget my words and can’t tell you how I feel or what I want.  What did I do to make you leave?”

 

 

“Nothing.  It was all me.”  Steve said.  He leaned forward and pressed his face against Tony’s shoulder, relaxing slightly as the arm came up to wrap around him.  “I caused all of this.  I hurt you and I was so afraid of doing it again that I left.”

 

 

“You’re an idiot.”  Tony said.  He sounded more fond than distressed, Steve counted that as progress.  “What are we going to do?”

 

 

“Cocoa.”  Bucky said.  “We’re all gonna talk, with mugs of cocoa and nice fluffy blankets.”

 

 

Tony smiled again, nodding eagerly.  Steve felt like that was the best plan anyone could have thought of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter coming soon. I'm still writing! Alive but bad at updates!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. Thank you for the comments and the kudos and all the wonderful things I loved about writing this fic.

Blankets and talking turned out to be blankets, pasta, and talking.  Tony and Bucky sat around the stove and getting everything ready while Steve walked off to think over what he would say.  The truth, but it was hard to think about the truth when all he could remember was how his heart broke at seeing Tony broken and bleeding in his armor when they dragged him out from under the building or the terrified look in his eyes after they all found out about what had happened.  Steve owed them the truth. 

 

 

“You’re here.”  Tony said as he walked in.

 

 

Steve smiled softly and nodded.  “Of course, Tony.  I would never miss a lunch with you.  I promised, didn’t I?”  He said.

 

 

Tony’s smile widened into a blissful grin as he quickly sat down at the table and pointed at the dishes.  “Bucky made pasta.  Spaghetti, pasta.”  Tony said.  “I chopped the vegetables.”

 

 

Tony usually wasn’t allowed to have knives, his movements weren’t as careful as they used to be.  He was jerky, ungraceful, and sometimes he had violent outbursts, so they usually kept him away from sharp things.  Tony sounded so proud of himself though, as if this little thing was as important to him as building the armor had been.  He looked over to Bucky, who was dumping helpings onto plates.

 

 

“That’s amazing, Tony.  I can’t wait to eat it.”  Steve said.  If Bucky thought Tony was ready, he wasn’t going to argue.

 

 

They started talking about all the little things.  How normal their lives were turning out after everything that had happened.  Tony was okay, about as alright as they could have hoped.  Steve could remember the beginning, after Tony woke up for the first time and could hardly even move, couldn’t speak.  Back when he had to relearn how to sit up and hold a fork, how to dress and bathe himself.  Tony had come a long way and it was all thanks to Bucky, looking after him even after Steve ran away.

 

 

Tony was more open to Bucky’s touches, only freezing slightly when he felt the hand in his hair and then immediately relaxing.  He smiled more with Bucky, was happier.  Bucky’s plan was to get the three of them together, a happy and loving relationship for all of them.  Still, it was hard not to notice how good they were for one another and how little they still seemed to trust him.

 

 

“So I guess we should talk about the important things.”  Bucky said.  Steve looked up and nodded.

 

 

“I regret leaving.  I made Tony think it was his fault when he is the one with the least blame.”  He said.  Tony looked up at the mention of his name and then back down at his pasta.  “I guess the idea is that I need to protect people and that makes me want to take control of the situation, even more so when I feel guilty about it.  I’m so sorry, by the way.  For thinking I was the only one allowed to take care of him.  It wasn’t fair.”

 

 

Tony hummed.  “Mr. Feelings is having a moment.”

 

 

“I know you guys don’t trust me yet, but I’m going to earn that back.”  Steve said.

 

 

Bucky looked down at his plate and shrugged.  “It’s alright, I guess.  You just didn’t think Tony and I had a deep enough relationship for me to want input on his care.  I love the guy, I have for a long time and it’s fair that you didn’t know because originally I didn’t want you to know.”  He said.  Tony smiled and leaned over to flick Bucky in the face.  “I was still figuring out who I was and you treated me like an old friend I didn’t remember being and everyone else treated me like some monster pulled out from under the bed.  I guess it was nice in Tony’s workshop.  He never wanted me to say anything or do anything, he was just happy to have someone there to listen to his ramblings and I was happy to just experience it all.”

 

 

“He had a crush.”  Tony said.  “It’s adorable.”

 

 

Before any of them could say anything else, Clint walked into the room, hurried but excited.  He took in their small lunch gathering and his smile widened.  “Hate to break up the love fest, but we found him!”  He said.  “Some asshole named Tyberius Stone paid off Anderson and now we’re going to get him.  And maybe kill him, I don’t know yet.  Definitely castrate him so come on.  One of you has to stay with Tony but the rest of us are going to have a party.”

 

 

“Ty?”  Tony asked slowly, his awkward hold on his fork slipping and it clattered onto his plate.  “How?”

 

 

“Nat tracked Anderson’s bank and travel records.  Took a little while but it’s definitely him.”  Clint said.  “We have to go though, right now.”

 

 

The three of them were still, silent as Clint spoke.  Bucky looked back at Tony, his eyes scanning his face and body with a worried expression.  “Steve, you stay with him.  Make sure he’s okay.”  Bucky said flatly.  “I have to take care of this.  Don’t leave him, don’t let him get hurt.”

 

 

Bucky turned to leave and Steve grabbed onto his arm, pulling him aside.  He didn’t say anything at first, his hands were shaking and he quickly looked around the room to make sure no one was listening.  “Are you sure, Buck?  What if I mess up?  What if Tony needs something I can’t do for him?”  He whispered.  “He doesn’t trust me.  Hell, _you_ don’t trust me.  Let me go and handle this guy.”

 

 

Bucky shook his head.  “No, I want to meet him and I want to have a nice little chat about how his stunt made me feel.  I left that guy alone with Tony, I walked out and then got locked out and this is on me.  I am going to talk to him.”

 

 

“It wasn’t your fault, Buck.  You did nothing wrong, you took care of Tony.”  Steve said slowly.  “You had every right to walk out for a little while after taking care of him for a whole week after I left you with a monster.  You were good for him, Tony trusts you.”

 

 

“And now I’m giving you a chance to win this trust back!  I have to get this guy, Stevie.”  Bucky said, halting all of Steve’s planned responses.  “No, you take care of Tony now, you help him and protect him and prove that you’ll be there for him.  If you leave, then I’ll make sure you never go near him again.  Now you look out for him, I gotta go now!”

 

 

Bucky turned and left, following Clint as they went to achieve their mission.  Steve stayed where he stood, the uncomfortable feeling of being both powerless and in control.  He was there, Tony was there, they had to just wait it out while the team went on their mission.  Steve had already proven himself as being unreliable when it came to decision making based on Tony, which oddly turned out to him being untrustworthy with getting the guy who hurt him but the small bit of trust it took for them to leave him alone with Tony for a few hours.  Steve wasn’t sure if they were misguided on just how much damage he could do or if they really wanted this to work out alright.

 

 

Tony was still at the table, his fork forgotten and he was spinning around the pasta with his fingers.  Sauce was getting everywhere, staining his fingers, clothes, and the carpet.  There was purpose behind it, he was drawing something out, forming shapes in the noodles and ignoring everything else around him.

 

 

“Hey sweetheart.  What are you working on?”  Steve asked softly, he took his time returning to the table.  They were alone now and he had no idea how uncomfortable that would make Tony.

 

 

“I’m building.”  Tony said.  “Bots need an upgrade.  Spaghetti is a fine blueprint until my writing improves.”

 

 

Steve sat down and waited, Tony was busy and focused and he didn’t have the heart to stop him just to clean up.  It wasn’t often Tony was allowed to actually work on a project.  He was easily distracted, he couldn’t quite hold his pencils and tools the way he used to.  Although he was allowed more workshop time, he hardly got anything done at all.

 

 

He didn’t understand the noodle symbols, they were just wiggly shapes but Tony seemed satisfied with them.  The plate was pushed away and Tony stood to walk to the kitchen and wash his hands.  They were trembling as he held them close to his chest, his breathing coming in rapid spurts.  Steve didn’t know what to do, he wanted to reach out and comfort him but he knew touching would make it worse.  Tony didn’t trust him yet.

 

 

“He hates me.”  Tony said, stopping halfway to the kitchen.  “Always did, likes to mess with my head.  He one time leaked to the media that I was on drugs.  Technically true but it was college and he just liked to see me flail around when I was in trouble.  He controls the media, he hates me.”

 

 

“Are you talking about Stone?”  Steve asked.  Tony turned around to face him, his fingers curling into the fluffy sweater he always liked to wear when he needed the extra comfort.  “Why does he hate you?”

 

 

Tony shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I don’t remember.  I’m sure there’s a reason, but I can’t.”  He shook his head, a frown settling over his face.  “Can’t can’t.  Makes sense though, I’m easy to hate.”

 

 

“No, Tony.  You’re not easy to hate.”  Steve said.  It was wrong, all of it was just so wrong that it made him furious.  Tony was perfect, has been and will be for the rest of his life.  He smiled and laughed, build beautiful things and tried so hard to be good that it wasn’t fair.

 

 

“You hated me.  We met and you hated me.”  Tony said.  He sounded strangely calm for how utterly panicked he looked.  “Have you watched the news?  They think I’m not a hero anymore, that I’m useless and dangerous just because of a hit to the head.  They want to take my suits away, the board wants to take the company away, Fury wants to take the team away.  They all hate me.  I don’t even remember that much about this guy, sometimes I remember things perfectly and other times it’s nothing.  I don’t understand.  Can’t.”

 

 

Tony sat down right on the floor and closed his eyes.  He didn’t move when Steve made his steps purposefully loud so that he knew he was coming or when he sat down next to him without touching.  He didn’t say a thing for a while, just breathing deeply as the clocked ticked with each passing second.  He was holding himself, rocking slowly back and forth in an effort to self-soothe.  Tony did that often, taking physical contact sparingly and only from a few these days.

 

 

“I don’t hate you.”  Steve whispered.  He hoped he didn’t break the spell of calm Tony was trying to create.  “Everyone is scared right now.  They don’t hate you, but I’ll do everything in my power to make sure they don’t take away what’s yours.”

 

 

“You left.”

 

 

“I know and I was stupid.  I didn’t leave because I hated you, I left because I love you so damn much and I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.  I was scared I would hurt you.”  He said.  Tony opened his eyes and looked at him.  “Bucky seems to think if we can rebuild trust then we can make it work between the three of us.  If we can all know that I’m not going to run out on you guys or make life altering decisions without talking it over, and I want that.  I promise that I won’t do anything to hurt you, that I’ll only leave if you tell me to, that if you don’t ever want me to touch you again then I won’t.  I don’t want to hurt you.”

 

 

Tony smiled, it was soft and it was beautiful.  “You’re an idiot.”

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

“No, I mean like a really big idiot.”  He said, giving a muted chuckle.  “But hey, I’m an idiot too.  I thought it was my fault.  I have been a bit… much lately.  I tried to break the tv the other day because I remembered my favorite show was cancelled.  It’s been off the air for years, I don’t know why I did that.”

 

 

“I didn’t leave because of anything you did.”  Steve said.

 

 

“Yeah, I get that now.  But this isn’t your fault either.”  Tony said, reaching out slowly and taking Steve’s hand.  He held on, but not too tight.  Tony was touching him willingly, trusting him with this.  “I don’t remember what happened, that whole day is blank to me, but from what I know about myself I would have gotten into trouble with or without your orders.  I’m a bit of a mess like that.”

 

 

“Oh good, you’re holding hands.”  Bucky said as he walked back into the room.  “More good news, on this incredibly easy mission after an asshole there was a moment where I got to punch him in the face before Rhodey also punched him in the face and took him to jail.”

 

 

“Sorry I missed it.”  Tony said and Steve could feel the tension drain out of his body simply by the way his hand went from a strangling grip to loose and relaxed.  “He’s gone?”

 

 

Bucky nodded and sat down on Tony’s other side.  “Yeah, he’s gone.  And I feel a lot better about this whole thing.”  He said.  Tony leaned over to rest his head on Bucky’s shoulder, letting himself have a point of contact with everyone.  “Are we all okay?”

 

 

“Yeah.  Steve is just an idiot.”  Tony said, squeezing his hand.  Steve pulled it up to his face and pressed his lips to the knuckles there.  It was alright, Tony smiled at him.  If he said no or tried to pull away, he would stop.  He leaned forward, his smile staying, and gently kissed Steve’s cheek.  It was short and it was brisk, but it almost made Steve’s heart beat right out of his chest.  “I think we’re going to be just fine.  Now tell me about how you punched him in the face.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! This had been fantastic. Sadly we don't get to know all about Stone and what he did and why, but I think that just adds to the whole tone of the story. I hope you guys liked the finale. It's been great!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. More to come.  
> Feel free to comment or follow my [tumblr](http://aceofultron.tumblr.com/)


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